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Self Compassion

#Raven #Fursona #Personal art #Ventful Howling #Werewolf oc #Ocs #My art #This one...Means a lot to me #I hope to write more about this piece one day

The more i remember what my ex friend did to me while acting like the worlds kindest saint, the more I feel disgusted for believing in him, the more I feel poisoned by all the hurt he inflicted, and the more I realize just how deep the damage stayed. I cant trust anyone that remotely reminds me of him anymore. I seethe at the very thought

#I was decieved so fucking badly #he poisoned kindness for me. He poisoned people for me. I cant fucking trust anyone without baring my teeth at them first #i hope he burns in hell for all the pain he inflicted on me and my loved ones #he was brought up in one of my therapy sessions and i flared up immediatly #there's still so much rage left #so much mistrust that eats away at me #people that pretend to be kind and loving when in reality its nothing but emotional manipulation and rot to please their own self interest #i was exploited by him in such a disgusting way that the very memory of him throws me away #i never want to go through anything like that again and god forbid anyone dares #im never putting myself last anymore #fucking hell damnit #ventful howling

kinda want to explode into nothingness but not in a bad way im just ;_; really overwhelmed and tired and i thinkk I need some tenderness, fuck...

#Ronkey posts #Ventful howling #I m going through so so much these days and its just #my brain and heart feels all over the place and having all this time to just #rest and digest those feelings really messes with me #again not in a bad way just...in a very restless way #i think i need to lay down and relax with something thatll shut me off into some pleasant rest #....Perhaps the situation calls for edibles in which we RAN OUT OF #SOBS

“ 𝘋𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘧𝘢𝘥𝘦 “ 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥, 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴

#Raven #personal art #fursona #my art #sketches #ventful howling #holding on and taking care #struggling with numbness is exhausting #but i want to keep fighting

Ive been feeling rather insecure about my art lately ;_; I understand where that doubt is coming from and while im confident in my ability to overcome it - i still feel ridiculous for wanting affirmation and reassurance...;; I wish I could feel like i deserve good things without the emotional dept i self sabotage myself with...ugh Ronkey please just chill for once

#Ronkey posts #ventful howling #delete later cause i feel bad for venting out T_T

Hello, my old heart How have you been? How is it being locked away? Don't you worry, in there you're safe And it's true, you'll never beat But you'll never break

#Ventart #ventful howling #an old piece of comfort ive made of Raven and Energy!Shayu when i was hurting...#It calls for a new one ;; theyre my soul duo...they breathe life and hope onto open wounds and help me through so much #i should really get back into the habit of seeking their comfort like this...#a wonderful friend reminded me of its importance #sighs deeply #ill be alright...ill get through all of that makes me feel the way i do #Raven #Energy!Shayu #Fursona #my art #comfort

got another medical procedure in the hospital in a few days, i dont know how to feel about this anymore.

The apathy I feel every time they threaten my situation with cancer while giving zero effective treatment literally numbs my senses. Im just tired of them, im tired of this illness. i bow to nothing and to no one , but what im dealing with is far too complex to be resolved under sheer determination. i just wish i wish i didnt have to ever experience such a fucking nightmare to begin with, my heart burns with the heartache of enduring this state and what it leaves me with every single day that passes. It breaks my spirit to even dare let myself linger over how strong i used to be in the past, the countless atrocities i survived with my body shouldering through it all and yet its now when i finally left the abusive life & household i rotted in so long ago that this goddamned illness struck me.

Theres nothing i can do at the moment but allow myself any significant bit of rest and whatever self compassion i can try muster, whatever happens, ill see what ill be able to do.

#ventful howling #i want to heal. i want to heal already i want this all to be over #everything i hear from the doctors is how theres nothing i can do about it but prevent the inevitable with shit medications that dont work #ive been running on spite and self effort purely the entire time and practically going rouge but im still struggling so much #i know why i got this god forsaken illness. i know this period of my life calls me to undo the mess it manifested after what i lived through #i want to have what it takes to beat this #but for every fucks sake #i keep repeating those words in my head and making the physical steps towards any bit of recovery but #the fear is still there. and i cannot even cope with it - so i force it out under apathy. it doesnt feel right #nothing does at the moment #i just #ill stay hopeful and hope this wont cascade into the worst of it #ill share whatever update i can when those results reach my hands

#i really...need to get myself togeher #ventful howling

got another medical procedure in the hospital in a few days, i dont know how to feel about this anymore.

Theres nothing i can do at the moment but allow myself any significant bit of rest and whatever self compassion i can try muster, whatever happens, ill see what ill be able to do.

#ventful howling

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