#venting text post

[couldbethebpd]

When I was a little kid, I never wanted to grow up. Then I was a teenager and wanted to be a grownup soooo badly. Well I’m here to tell ya, I just turned 25 yesterday and boy oh boy did five year old me have the right idea. Shoulda trusted my gut on this one guys.

[ghostbird77]

Remind me how many years of school did I go to to be serving coffee again!? Or was my second degree that gave me away?

[suitup-on-saturdaynight]

My God, I am so pissed off right now. So the guy at college that I kind of like (but can't tell if he's gay so it's an even more major dilemma) had us walk like a thousand blocks to find the atm that his bank uses, and it turns out that he had actually never been there before, so he didn't exactly know where he was going. Oh, and it was also 11:30 on a Saturday night while it was raining, so ya. It just completely sucked. And then we get to the intersection and he couldn't even find the fucking atm, so then we just started walking back and the shoes I bought just before college are now probably ruined. All that to save a two dollar atm charge and he didn't even find the fucking atm!!!

[shinjishazaki]

=> wake up in a foul mood for no reason

=> had to wake up at four because I have my med doctor appointment at seven

=> check email on phone, someone's asked for update status for Oblivion over on AO3

=> check bank account, remember that you were double charged over a hundred dollars and need to get that fixed

=> still incredibly groggy despite mini energy drink and halving the ambien CR last night; may have latent buildup of drug in system

=> foul mood gets worse, and it's not even five thirty

[shinjishazaki]

LIW, night of May 21st 2013

Accomplishments for the day:

Well...I felt like an unhappy asshole most of the day.  I guess there's that.

[shinjishazaki]

The two other places I looked at also require bringing in 3X the rent per month on your paycheck.  This made me unhappy, to say the least.  I like those places.  But whatever, I guess.  I did more searching and found some other places closer to where I live now in nice, slightly cheaper neighborhoods than I was looking in.

My biggest concern for the day wound up being another medication change.  I haven't been making the biggest deal of this, but my sleep really has gone to shit.  I can't stay asleep; I wake up at 2, 3, 4 AM and I can't get back to sleep.  This is a bad thing for me.  So my med doctor gave me a script for the CR version of ambien to try and keep me out for the night.

Working at a PBM, I get incredibly nervous about being prescribed new drugs, especially one that is most typically listed on other plans as being a "step two" drug in step therapy chains.  What that boils to is that you have to have tried and failed (like I have with standard ambien) before you try a step two (often more expensive) drug--and a lot of times you have to submit prior authorization paperwork to provide clinical evidence to the insurance company to prove this is the drug you must have over step one.

Given that I am starting to feel like crying when it comes to even discussing sleep because it sucks so much for me right now, I was disinclined to want to think about either having to deal with waiting on a PA or paying what was sure to be a much higher amount of money than the four bucks and change that I usually pay for the regular ambien.  I gave my pharmacy the prescription with a great deal of hesitance and walked around the store for fifteen minutes praying that there'd be no problems in getting it.  I nearly cried (see a pattern with me today?) when there wasn't any trouble.

I don't know.  I am worthless today because I have been awake for nearly eleven hours now and it's not even 1PM.  I just want to go to bed and stay asleep for the rest of the day and night, but I was warned by my pharmacist that this would be a bad thing and to just tough it out until a regular bedtime.

I am not having a good day.  I will stop making posts about it now.

[shinjishazaki]

RL post

Apartment hunting stresses the hell out of me.  I took an anti-anxiety pill before I went to my appointment because I was starting to freak out (see also rollover stress from me forgetting my other med last night), which left me so out of it that my therapist said she would let me go early to maybe take a nap.

I originally planned on going to view all six of the apartment complexes that I found online after my appointment.  I saw three.  By the time I got back into my car after the third, all I wanted was to curl up in a ball and not move for an hour.  It was just too much info all at the same time, about rent and floor plans and amenities and every last little way I need to budget my money to within an inch of its life.

But the hardest part of it was that all three places I saw were really nice.  Like, they were big (way bigger than my old apartment in Tacoma) with nice amenities and great locations in relation to work and shopping and stuff.  They're worth the fairly high prices.  I'm not good at making big adult decisions, and it makes me stress out when I have to plan for the future like this.

I just want to take a nap and not think for about four hours.  I need to absorb this info and take a deep breath.  And then I need to go see the other three places tomorrow after my other appointment this week.  I basically need to buck up, stop whining rather petulantly, and be an adult.

One more reason why I wish I could start my new job now instead of on the third: I want to know my budget, dammit.

bleh

[shinjishazaki]

breaking my streak of LIW posts to make a random venting post

Primary reason I desperately want this promotion at work:

If the pay raise is significant enough, I might be able to go out and live on my own and be away from this poisonous fucking house I live in right now.