#venting???

[hpytrails]

i need to keep telling myself i’m not that bad at mccree!! everytime i go back and listen to his voicelines and interactions it doesn’t sound half bad when i compare it to what i’ve written. it’s so difficult to try and keep up with my confidence, but i have to keep thinking that thinking negativity, saying negativity -- it will manifest negativity.i am a great mccree!! people wouldn’t tell me otherwise!

but even when i do this and post my confidence or my insecurity i fear that i’m looking for validation, which hurts my mental state. especially since my deity doesn’t want me doing that anymore

i also should light dionysus’ candle more when i do this kfrdgkdb he would like that a lot and would probably help me.

anyway ignore this, just venting a bit. i need to reassure myself that my mccree isn’t too bad!! people wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t and i’m doing his dialogue structure well!!

[indigobackfire]

I think part of the reason I wanna find Jacob so bad in this stupid game is because I'm an only child who wanted to have siblings really bad. (Which is also why I gave her a second brother as well oops).

[youarehe]

Ok, real talk, Void.

I feel like despite every effort to connect with people no one needs me. I feel like everything I do is wrong or weird in some way. I don’t think people think of me when I’m not around. My phone is silent 95% or more of the day, everyday. I don’t feel particularly useful to anyone, or interesting enough for people to want me around. I don’t think anyone will ever really love me.

Despite this, I don’t think I have it bad. My life is pretty good. I’m just really, crushingly, painfully lonely. I feel like everyone has a favorite person and is someone’s favorite person, and I’m not that to anyone.

I just wonder if I’m in the right place most of the time. And I hate this. I’m really not that important. People have their own lives, I can’t expect people to check in on me. Especially with the terrible things everyone’s going through. I should be more grateful, happier, and not so needy. I should lower my expectations and be more understanding.

But I still wish people wanted me around.

[buttergriffin332]

I’m sorry

I probably won’t be on tumblr for much loner 

I’m just.... not happy? I’m not happy with myself. I’m not happy when I’m alone. I’m not happy with art. I’m just hardly happy right now. I’m not sleeping or eating right, and everything is changing too quickly and I don’t know how to approach it 

I can’t tune everything out, and I don’t want to bother my friends any more than I already am. The only things that really seem to help are listening to music, drawing the very few ideas that I get any more, or roleplaying. But I only have a few ideas that I REALLY want to invest in.

So I think I’m feeling my first burn out, but I don’t think that should/would affect my physical self more than it should mentally. 

[ninaahelvar]

it makes me happy when people say that i’m like a cool aunt. but there is part of me that’s also kinda sad because they also say they never see me as a mother. like...at this point in time, i don’t want kids, i really don’t....but the idea that i wouldn’t be a good mum, i would only ever be an aunt is depressing for me. i don’t know...i thought i would be more in my own life.