Whining about the past.
Ok I want to vent a little story about my mom. My mom has always been a singer. Her dreams of being a famous singer were cut short when she became pregnant at 16 with the baby of the drummer in her band. She married the drummer and struggled to make ends meet. One of the ways they made extra money was to always be in a band. She was always singing. Me growing up watching her sing I too wanted to sing. She was so good at it, I wanted to be like her. I would sing all the time, in my room, at school, in choir and at church. Anyone who has spent a day with me know I love singing I sing all the time. But I could NEVER sing with mom. I would ask. A lot when I was little "can I come sing in the microphone?" I was always met with no. Because mom needed singing to be her thing. If I sang along with a song in the car, she would sing over me, because her voice was better she'd say. Well after a few years I stopped asking.stopped singing in the car when she was there, stopped singing in choir. Singing was private for me now. A love I kept to myself because mom never acknowledged it. Flash forward 18 years I have my own daughter. I sing to her a lot. We sing together. She loves to sing and she is pretty good at it. My mother can acknowledge my daughter's love of singing. Let's her sing in the microphone. Listen quietly when she sings along in the car. Gushes to her friends about how her granddaughter wants to be just like Grammy. "The singing gene must skip a generation" One day while helping her remember the words to a song we sing together in a video to send to grandma and grandpa. My mom watches it and says to me "Why Mandy, you have a lovely voice, why didn't you ever sing with me when you were little. I always hated that you didn't like to sing." I was speechless. My mom never noticed me singing. My whole life she didn't notice. I felt like the 8 year old asking to sing in the microphone and met with a quick no. It reminded me how much of my childhood was wrapped around my mom getting to finish hers. because she put it all on hold at 16. And sure I turned out fine, but I have no relationship with my mom. I'm just the mother of her grandchildren. I wish she would have let me sing.