there is a certain, perfect balance between work and days off that really just. helps. so much. tipping too much in either direction, for me, is one of the Worst things--currently, at least--for my mental health. but i’m not hitting that balance.
and not only are my hours continually being cut for covid reasons, i don’t have the luxury of enjoying my work anymore. bc as much as i would complain about some of the people i work(ed) with in the kitchen, i at least enjoyed the job itself.
now, cleaning hotel rooms, im incredibly lucky to not be shoved into close quarters with my least favorite coworkers (or anyone really) but i really just. thoroughly Dislike. the job. and sure, i’m grateful to still HAVE a job. but-- yknow, cleaning is so Taxing to me. there’s a reason that my house is a depression pit.
idek what im trying to get at in this post. im tired. seasonal depression and covid depression and financial anxiety and stuck-with-my-thoughts-on-days-off anxiety. is all just. a lot right now.
and im having trouble. with my personal connections. certain things have made me feel so so so So scared of coming off as “too clingy” or “too emotional.” so i wind up isolating myself. or just feeling Bad for wanting a friends full attention... for wanting to talk about the things we both like.
idk.
i know a lot of us are struggling, especially this year. and im trying my very best to remember that as others interact with me. but please be mindful of your words to others, and of your actions. you never know what someone else is already carrying.