#ventrip

[suicidal-vampyre]

>dr^gs<

So I did something silly and that I probably should not have done but it’s been a rough few weeks.

Even though my rent is late and my power bill is like two months over due, I got a bag and a half.

Let me note that I waited until I got my paycheck from my lesser paying job to see where I was sitting money wise, then payed over half of my rent and my main job paycheck will come again this week so I will be able to pay the rest and maybe a bit of my power bill. But yes I did homework all day after work and got my bag in the nighttime. Then I cleaned most of my apartment, switched the cat boxes, cleaned the living room, and did the dishes so that felt good. But then I got IN to the bag and have been playing video games all night. Like it’s literally tomorrow morning and I do have things I need to do today but I’m thinking I may just do bare minimum and cancel the dinner party Iwas planning on going to. Like I love the people but I know I am going to be sleep derived and want to just be home skiing or gaming tbh. Also I kind of want to get most of it gone through before the Super Bowl because I do not want to feel tempted to take it with me to the party I am going to. The party is with my moms friends and I know one person who wold be down but I just dont want to be geeked around them. However, if my team wins I do plan on going out and hitting the streets so I want a little for that because I know I will be drinking for a good few hours so I want to be able to keep going if we win so I can celebrate. It’s a delicate balance, especially knowing what a slippery ski slope it is.

Anyway its five thirty seven and I’m still going and started season three of shoresy that I literally waited to watch until I had a bag and was going to be home chilling with it because I watched the first two season on the slopes.

Additionally, I’ve been asking for a grey day to hopefully make today easier, we shall see.

I finished all my homework except the second half of my math but I think I can do that on Monday if the hang over is not to bad but if push comes to shove, I can do it Sunday morning or right before class.

Being an adult and a student is so difficult sometimes.

[suicidal-vampyre]

So let me preface this with I use to go to the Vent app and that is where I would rant about missing my ex, my substance use, my sexual frustrations, and when I was in the club, I would talk about stories or irks on there.

I really liked Vent because it was cutesy girlie for the most part but you could say pretty much whatever you wanted, nsfw or not, as long as it was not essentially illegal (aka p3do shit or serious hard drug use like @ngel du$t or ice) but as long as you were in the correct “group” and tagged or put trigger warnings on it, you were free to speak your deepest thoughts. Additionally they had cute little emojis that you would pick to start your post off, like a how are you feeling type vibe and if you were a Vent Angel (I think it was a four or five ninety nine type subscription type deal but I remember thinking it was not much compared to other social media paid levels) then you could pick a cute background, had access to all emoticon emotions, and I believe you also had the ability to create groups for people to join and speak in.

I found vent when I was in high school, when my twitter had started to gain followers from people I knew in person. Additionally, my tumblr those days was very bl!the, if you can even remember those days where pretty much nothing was restricted on this site and if you were looking for something you just needed to know where to look and do a bit of digging.

Anywho I found vent during this time and deleted and redownloaded it many times over the years, but mainly it helped me during my toxic past relationship because he did not have access to my vent, it was locked by code and he did not think it was worth the time to control I suppose.

Even though I did pay for the subscription, or the extra fees or whatever I really just did it for the background and access to all the feelings. I was not a regular daily user. I would get on the app when things were too heavy, when my other apps were too political and overwhelming, when i need to rant about missing my ex, when I was under the influence, or when I was having lewd thoughts I had no one to share with.

Well I went to get on it the other day, and it was gone. The app itself is still there, all of my vents still there, but a goodbye message from the app designers and no way to get into messages, create new posts, or interact with others. I think I liked it so much because it was deeply anonymous, way more than people think twitter is or can be.

Maybe one day I will attach some of mine.

But now I am going to treat tumblr like vent but do my best to censor so my entries can stay.

Tags will be #ventapp or #ventrip

I will also be organizing or prefacing my posts the same way.

I have chosen to attach some photos just as an example, not that any of this matters or that that many people will be reading this but maybe so yeah here ya go.