{ the KH fandom has a bunch of dickwads in it >:I //hugs; Wanna talk about it, hun? }
OoS: There are some people in it that are great, and I love them to pieces - KH was the first fandom I got into here on Tumblr, so I'm not about to start bashing the whole fandom because of some elitists but, a great deal of the people I have talked to are really contradictory to what they say and what they do. It doesn't effect my love for the game, but makes me not want to log onto my KH muses. And like with Gaara I have invested a lot of time into them.
As for what's got me down right now - one of the first groups/cliques I got involved in was with a bunch of people I really looked up to. Y'know the type of person that plays their muse brilliantly and you just want to talk to them? I tried that with them and by some miracle they talked back. That made me really happy and I tried to become actual friends with them. But by doing that I got really excited, and when I get excited I act, for lack of a better comparison, like a hyperactive Naruto. And I know I do it and I try to calm down, but they never said to my face that I bothered them or anything like that. So I thought I was doing okay and they thought my portrayals of certain characters were okay - a couple of them always theorized with me and thought my assessments of characters were great, but as I am having a heart to heart with one of my friends he told me that they used to trash talk me in another chat.
I'm used to being trash talked to be honest. I'm the type of person that gets really attached to people. Really fast and really hard. I try not to but, I'm a lonely person and - if Naruto's taught us anything it's that loneliness does a lot to a person - but ah, sorry I'm just trying to think of accurate descriptions but - ah, the fact that I thought they were my friends, even though I had a feeling they didn't like me my paranoia was right for once who knew. My friend didn't tell me exactly what they said because really, I don't want to know but just --
I don't get why they just did not say it to my face. They became elitists and I often asked for critiques from them and they did not say much. So now this is just ... I'm not even sure right now.
vernumsanatore replied to your post
ooc; people can be rather cruel but — once the truth comes out of their mouth, at least you know who’s a real friend and who isn’t.
OoS: I've been around this sort of cruelty my whole life. Sadly most of the people I do try to befriend both online and IRL turn out to either really hate me or just pretend to like me. Despite that I still attach to others easily so when they start breaking away it still hurts, but I do it to myself thanks to my desperation. I really hate it about myself because when I feel them beginning to pull back I start falling into a depression - which is one of the reasons I can't log onto my Saix right now for long - and just... Yeah. But you're right about all that. I just wish the truth wasn't something that hurt so much.
