#veronica deacon

[eileen-crys]

I’ve always wondered if Veronica met Anita I’m not saying you know but do you personally think they have?

Quite sure in Jim's book Mercury&Me he says they all went to dinner in Montreux, Queen and their wives (and husband), and Anita is mentioned with Brian. And I have the feeling they met again anyway in multiple occasions, I don't see why not.

Crazy that I'm getting more questions now that I'm trying to distance myself from the fandom than when I was heavily active in it lol.

[eileen-crys]

Hi (Idk If this is a stupid question or not lmao it’s such a non issue but whatever 😭) i don’t know if you’re still into Johnica or Veronica but do you think during the 80s Veronica dyed her hair, because the Wembley Stadium footage clearly shows her as a blonde, and Veronica is known as a “demure redhead” a lot of people say she’s a brunette, some say a redhead and I heard some say blonde

Hii aw it's okay I'm always into Johnica, I'm just taking some time off the Queen fandom for personal reasons 💕 (and I don't really have much inspiration left for art and fics about them, but I still love them!)

I do think she dyed her hair, I can't be sure obviously but by the little footage we have it seems like it. We know Roger and John did dye their hair so I can absolutely imagine her dying her hair as well in the 80s! ((I had a drawing of John helping Ronnie dye her hair among my projects ahhh one day I'll do it 🥺))

[julescape]

Random Johnica headcanons

...that I've repeatedly tried to write down as a proper fic and never succeeded but I think they're cute so here you go :')

John surprises Veronica her first smartphone. At first she's very skeptical and doesn't quite get his excitement about "those damn things", but over time, with tons of patient explanations from him, she gets used to it.

Their home screen backgrounds are matching!! It was Veronica's idea initially, and John then scanned in the pictures, so now have their respective other holding their first son in their arms in 1975, the pictures taken by each other.

Whenever their kids write difficult exams etc, Veronica writes a little encouraging note to go into their school lunch, and she makes John sign off on the note so they know both parents love & support them, even if he shows it differently.

Veronica keeps a calender on the wall so their kids can always count the days until their dad finally comes home again after a tour. She established the ritual of always crossing the day out with a red marker (usually she lets one of the kids do it) after eating dinner together.

John's the typical man who just replies a thumbs-up to any message, whereas Veronica uses ALL kinds of emojis she can find - preferably nature and animal ones, because she thinks they're incredibly cute!! (Always searching for new added animals after an update haha)

[julescape]

"Affair" Johnica AU

I'm clearing out my drafts; this was the last/only finished fic I had in there. No idea if it's good cause I didn't read it again now (and therefore didn't edit anything but this red writing here), but I do remember it very fondly and emotionally. Enjoy, I guess :)

hellooooo :) this was supposed to be part of a series but as i don't see me ever finishing the series, i want to publish this part as one shot at least. it's kind of inspired by Shooting Star by my dearest Kate @warriorteam1924, but in this fic AU, Veronica is older and the married one. also, this is inspired by the song "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson, so the use of the pet name "baby" in this fic is due to a line in this song. if you like this fic, let me know please!!!🥺

word count: around 3,7k

warnings: angst, cheating, age gap, mentions of sex, making out

---

The bedroom seemed so quiet without her. John liked it better when his lover layed next to him, maybe she'd give him a good night kiss or hold him, but tonight, as many nights lately, he layed alone in the dark. He still thought about her, even if she said she needed distance.

My husband suspects I'm cheating, she'd said. I have to stop seeing you so frequently, at least for a while. She'd apologized to him, many, many times, but that didn't make the young man feel much better. He wanted to be above this pathetic affair he got himself into; he had his life ahead of him, after all, he was only in his mid twenties, and had all the freedom in the world to go out and have fun.

Specifically, "fun" with other women. His dear mother waited for him to finally bring a long-term girlfriend home, not believing that "an attractive lad like you are" hadn't found someone yet, and John didn't have the guts to tell her that he did already, that he'd fallen in love already.

He didn't want to have sex with other women, he only wanted her. Veronica Tetzlaff. A woman around twenty years his senior, and if you'd round it up, almost twice his own age. But there was just something about her that made him go feral, that let his heart beat higher and higher, made his hands sweaty when he was out on a secret date with her.

As he was so lost in thought, her pretty face in his inner eye, he almost didn't notice he'd started to silently cry. Angrily, he wiped the tears away.

Well, now what? He felt ridiculous for feeling this way about her, she'd been clear in what she wanted. She had a husband already, and didn't need another man loving her romantically, but how, John thought, how the hell am I supposed to not fall in love with her when she looks and acts like this? In his eyes, she was a goddess, beautiful and elegant, and he savored her body in a way that you could almost call worship.

The man layed in bed and stared at the ceiling. He wanted to call her, just to hear her voice, chatting about her day, asking about his, he didn't even needed any phone-sex, just wanted to talk to her again. But if not Veronica but her husband would answer the phone... No, he didn't want to think about that. He was too much of a coward to call her, anyway.

I wonder if she knows how much I miss her. Does she know I touch myself when I think about our nights together? Does she do that, too? Veronica, do you love me, too?

She was unreachable to him. A woman like her, of her age and maturity, of her social status, wouldn't like to be seen cheating on her husband of sixteen years, let alone with a university student of a college just nearby the school she was head teacher of. John couldn't stop by her work anymore, her house was strictly forbidden in case her husband would be home, and both a letter and a call he knew weren't things she'd be happy to receive from him.

A thought came to his mind, one he'd thought about many times already, despite feeling pathetic and dirty for it. Would she leave him for me? She had barely anything to miss in her life now, and he couldn't for the love of God think of a reason other than sex that would make her want him.

John sat up in the bed and wiped his nose, mad at himself for giving into his own needs once again and making himself cry with it. As much as he hated to admit it, he was a soft man, not as strong as her husband appeared to be.

I like the way you squirm under my fingers, he had her silky voice in his ear. You're so much more reactive and sexy than my husband is, Johnny. She wouldn't have lied about that, would she? Veronica was an incredibly honest person, one you wouldn't think would ever cheat, but her lust took over at rare times. Those rarities turned more frequent when she was with him, though.

He felt lost in his thoughts, and there wasn't anything that could help him other than the woman he loved. Defeated, like many nights before, he cuddled back under his own blanket, and his mind presented him with twisted versions of his life, a life he'd never be able to have like this.

And as too many nights before, he fell asleep alone.

-

There was a knock on the door, just when John wanted to put the last bits of his groceries away, and his brows furrowed with confusion as he walked through his small apartment. The last bits of sunlight shone in, giving his furniture a golden touch. It was a luxury to live on his own, even when he could cross the flat to reach the door with just few steps.

His hand layed on the handle already when it knocked again, more impatiently this time, and he curiously opened the door, expecting one of his friends asking them to join them for a party at the university, or to study.

But once he opened the wooden door, he almost forgot to breathe, his eyes widening at the sight.

"John?", the woman in her forties asked with a careful smile, her pretty face framed by light hair. She wore a long coat, appropriate for the fading autumn, but her presence had an impact on the young man as if she stood in his door completely naked.

"V-Veronica", he breathed out flustered. He didn't look into her eyes, scared of his own potential reaction. "What- What are you doing here? I thought-"

"I wanted to see you", she cut him off quickly, and if one listened closely, there was a hint of a tremble in her voice. "I just wanted to see your face again."

John swallowed, his greenish eyes flickering up to meet hers for a second. His cheeks felt hot, and he prayed to God that he didn't just blush because of such a simple sentence.

"Well, you did see me now", he replied, much more sassy than he'd wanted it to come out.

"Can I come in, please?"

"Why? - You- You said you'd call and we'd still meet, just not so often, but it's been weeks now and I didn't hear from you just once", he blurted out. Well, now his cheeks were definitely flushed, he could even feel tears springing to his eyes as his heart beat in a rhythm that had to be unnaturally quick.

"I wanted to call, I promise, just..."

"...I wasn't important enough", John ended the sentence for her, but she vividly shook her head.

"No, no, no, Johnny, no, you are important, I just can't sneak out anymore, my husband..."

"...is more important than me. Yes, I understand."

She reached her hand out to touch his cheek, and he hated himself for leaning into her touch. God, did he miss that! He noticed she wasn't wearing her ring, probably she'd taken it off on the drive here. Stupidly, it made him hope.

"Please, let me come in."

Hesitantly, he did so, stepping back to give her room to enter his apartment. To think he'd rented this one because it was close to the house she had with her husband...

Veronica walked all the way through, before halting at the sofa, yet not sitting down, as she waited for the younger man to follow her. His long hair hid his cheeks not enough, she could see how red he was in his handsome face as he stood in front of her, waiting.

Maybe he should dare it. His heart seemed to burst either way, and the pathetic tears and late-night crying sessions wouldn't stop by themselves.

"John-"

"I missed you."

She looked at him in surprise, taking a step closer. With trembling hands, she cupped his face, her touch gentle, almost loving, as she bowed his chin up. Wide, green eyes looked at her, trusting, and one side of his face was golden from the sunlight, his wavy hair shining softly, like honey. Her thumb stroked over his cheekbone, over the little birthmark there, silently adoring his beauty.

"So did I", she mumbled. "I didn't think I would."

It was a smile laced with huge sadness that appeared on his face, his eyelashes wet with tears as he looked at her with utter trust and, he had to admit it, love.

"Please don't leave me again", John whispered, his voice so broken that it almost equaled a whimper.

"Johnny, I'm married..."

"I know, but we made it work", he protested whiny. He wanted to turn his face away, but her hands gently forbid it.

"I cannot cheat on him any longer. - I'm sorry."

"Then why did you come to me?"

That Veronica didn't know. He saw her swallow as she thought about how to answer. An internal struggle. Truthfully, her mind had been a mess due to several things, and the only logical thing that occurred to her - or in hindsight not logical at all - was to drive to John so he could make it all better. She didn't want to drive back to her husband, nor did she want to stay at her workplace, and her family wasn't the best option either. Her only and best choice was him.

"As I said", she murmured with insecurity lacing her usually so calm voice. "I wanted to see your pretty face again."

He glanced in her brown eyes, tears spilling over in his own, but neither of them did something about it, his tears rolled down his flushed cheeks and over her petite hands without hindrance.

John took a desperate breath, before quietly asking: "Do you want to kiss my face, too?"

Her lips were as soft as they were in his memories, making him feel as if he'd fly, higher and higher, only Veronica by his side, and she was enough for him, they were good for each other, fitting together as if they'd lost each other a long, long time ago.

But in his memory, her kisses were longer and deeper than this one, and didn't taste as salty.

She shook her head and let go of him, her hands falling to her sides and disappeared in the coat. "Johnny, I shouldn't be here."

"Please don't leave."

Her lips were pressed together as she felt she got torn apart on the inside. He'd only been supposed to be an affair, a young man that got her excited to have sex again. But now... God, when she looked at him she wanted nothing more than his unrestrained love, wanted to touch his slender body, come home to him every day, not the man waiting for her in the big house she felt so lonely in since she'd met John.

"I'm so, so sorry", she repeated, as so many times already, and even though the man knew she really didn't enjoyed to hurt him like this, the words only tore his heart apart more each time. Her apologies told him that his love wasn't enough to make her stay, nor his body. He would've learned to be satisfied with staying an affair, as long as that'd mean she'd enjoy being with him, even if it was purely sexual.

With her head kept low, she passed the young man by, walking to the door, and his tear-filled eyes followed her back, the long coat hiding the figure of her body, but he knew it by heart, anyway. His feet didn't move as he watched her walk away from him, the only reaction of his body were little sobs. A part of him wanted to run behind her, press her against the wall and yell how she could do this to him. And maybe she'd try to silence him with a kiss, and he'd put his hands under her coat and shirt, touching her skin, making her feel loved...

"Veronica", he whispered hoarsely. Her hand rested on the handle, she came to a halt at his plea. The hope streaming through his whole body was close to making him tremble, he couldn't focus on anything but her, wasn't even aware of how much he was crying.

It felt like a moment of decision. She could walk through that door, leave him alone, sobbing and upset, and go back to her husband, as she should. Decide for her marriage, as she promised sixteen years ago, because she believed that this was the right way. Or she could choose him. Veronica didn't have to turn around to know the view. The young man standing in the middle of the parlor, his shoulders fallen down, tears wetting his pretty auburn hair, and making his face puffy and red. He had to love her. She was sure he did, even if he never actually said it, but the way he behaved... John was in love with her, and was too exhausted to hide it anymore. What would happen if she chose him? She wasn't sure, but there was a hope of real love, of true affection, but who said it wouldn't fade as well, like her love to her husband had faded without her even noticing until she felt it was already too late?

But she'd promised it to him, so many years ago, and she wasn't one to easily give up on her promises. This promise had been for life.

"You should move on", she said thickly and opened the door. She had to leave or else his strangled sobs would make her give in, again.

Only when the door fell close, locking her out, John's feet seemed to want to move. With quick steps, he walked there, but it wasn't of any use. She had decided against him, and the young man felt as if he couldn't breathe anymore.

His hands clasping at the drawer of shoes in the hall, he tried to take deep breaths, but almost every single one was interrupted by a pathetic sob. Deep within, he knew it's been a goodbye, the last one. You should move on.

But John wanted her to himself, he didn't want to move on, even if he should.

And Veronica stood at the top of the staircase that led up to his apartment, faintly hearing his cries, and her heart screaming and begged for her to go back, telling her she made the wrong decision. She didn't like those feelings that bubbled in her, that made her tear up. She'd decided for what she believed to be right, and that was marriage.

Each heavy step she took down the stairs, the feeling seemed to double, she walked slowly, overwhelmed. To help herself leave, she started counting the steps away from him. Six, seven, eight... While she did wish John to move on, there was a little voice in her that begged him not to. It felt nice, to be so deeply loved like that. Nine, ten, eleven, twelve... She began to wonder if her husband would notice her puffy face, from all the crying she did already and probably would continue in the car. And even if, would he bother to actually listen to her answer, no matter what lie she'd have to tell him? Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen... All this crying and she didn't know whom to go to for soothing. Her heart yelled to go to John, but- Sixteen... She was married for sixteen years now, and stopped on this step, her hand clinging onto the stair rail. He was so different from the man crying upstairs.

Veronica started to shiver when she realized. In all the time she knew John, it's always been him she wanted to go to, he made her feel alive and wanted. Whenever something happened, good or bad, she wanted to tell him, hear his little excited voice and see his big smile. Her favourites were the times he was all over her the moment she came in, though, his lips on her neck and his hands on her waist. His little whines, causing her to moan, their bodies working so well together. God, Veronica, baby, you taste so good. Mhh, let me hear your moans, fuck, I want you so bad, baby...

No, she didn't want any of this! God, why couldn't she just fall in love with her husband all over again? Why did it have to be a different man, especially a younger one? A loud sob escaped her, she couldn't even hold it back with her hand. Her back was aching as if her pain was physical, her knuckles white with how tightly she held herself at the rail.

It didn't take long until John heard an urgent knocking, followed by a familiar and both loved and hatred voice.

"John, baby, pl-"

He opened the door before she could even finish, his eyes red and tears streaming all over his cheeks, but still, he forced a smile on his face, which felt to Veronica as if someone had stabbed her heart with something blunt and teared the object all the way through to inflict as much pain as possible.

"What?", he sobbed.

"I want you, Johnny. One more time, please. I miss... God, I miss your moans and the way you call me baby, and I miss the way you look when you come", she blurted out.

"How dare you - hick - come here and expect me to just- to... succumb to your wishes?!"

God, she really didn't expect that. "Don't- Don't you want to?"

"I want nothing more and that's the problem!", he yelled in her face, ending in another small hick due to all the crying. "I want you, baby, so why do you make it so hard for me to see you leave me behind?!"

"Because I'm married!"

"Then go back to your fucking husband!"

Veronica sobbed, stroking through her hair with slightly wet hands, glancing at him with sparkling eyes. Her voice was so quiet and broken. "But I don't want to..."

"Either you- you want me or not, but p-please, don't do this to me. I-" He took a shuddery breath. "I'm all in, I...love you. So if you want me..."

She stepped forward until she was in his personal space, and he looked at her and then neither of them knew who made the first step, both leaned in until their lips met.

Her petite hand clasped his hair, pulling him against her more passionately, and he successfully tried to drag her in her flat, pushing the door close with his foot, which caused her to giggle against his skin.

"I love you, baby, I love you so, so much", she groaned, his heart beating higher and an involuntary moan escaped him, while his hand sneaked around her waist.

He wanted more of those little sounds of her, those whined "baby"s and devilish "fuck"s, those affirmations that she adored him. John hated himself for wanting her so badly, for giving in to her time and time again, but when she touched him like that, her hand scraping along his back and making him shiver, he wasn't able to help himself.

Veronica pressed him against the wall with such eagerness that it made the two of them chuckle before they went back to kissing and roaming their hands over each other's familiar bodies. Every now and then he whimpered into her mouth, and she had to think about how different it was from the man she was married to; when her husband called her baby, it seemed like nothing more but a fake pet name, empty and without actual adoration behind it, a tiresome addition. But John... His every moan, every "baby" seemed sincere, heavy with love and untamed desire, and she absolutely loved hearing his voice so laced with pleasure. Whenever she had sex with him, she felt taken care of, as if he couldn't keep his hands off her to save his life, while she did almost anything to wind out of having to sleep with her husband. It was John she wanted.

He was so passionate about her, and she loved him; everything in this moment seemed perfect, if there wasn't her golden ring in a drawer of her car.

"You can't leave me again", John whispered while kissing along her jawline, his hands on her ass, pulling her as close to him as possible. "I love you, this asshole doesn't care just one bit about you, baby."

"God, I love you so much more than him..."

"Does he call you baby, too? Can he make you feel as good as I do?", he asked into her skin, with more than a hint of jealousy showing. It was cute, she thought.

"No one calls me baby the way you do, Johnny..."

"I want you to be mine, Veronica. Only mine. I might not be able to give you all the things he does, but I love you so much and 'm gonna take care of you, okay?"

As he held her so tightly and she had her arms wrapped around him to keep him like that, she simply took a deep breath. For a second, it seemed so easy. "Okay, baby. - Okay. I love you too, we can get through this. Together."

He pulled away from her, much to her dismay as she loved feeling his lips on her skin, but the way the young man looked at her made her heart sing. It felt as if there were no barriers left, the obstacles almost forgotten for a precious moment; he stopped holding himself back and exposed all his deepest feelings to her, trusting her to not stamp on them. Here I am, and I'm yours, he seemed to silently say.

"Can my love be enough for you, baby?", he whispered, his voice thick with all the emotions in his slender body. "Am I enough for you to stay?"

And Veronica said yes. With her voice, her lips, her hands, every fiber of her body knew she needed him, that she couldn't be without him. She loved the way he treated her, she loved the way he called her baby, she loved him, so much that her heart bled whenever she wanted to walk away. She gave in, both to him and to herself.

[julescape]

"Hospital visit" Johnica fanfic

hey all!💕 the thought of writing something involving john's dog a bit more has been in my mind for a some time now and i feel like she fit nicely into this fic (even if she's not really centered here)! it plays around mid 2010s in summer. i hope you enjoy reading, and if so, please leave me some feedback, thank you so much!!

word count: 3,1k

warnings: hospital/surgery talk, underlying angst (but the plot is just fluff really)

---

The house was so lonely and silent without Veronica and any of their six children that it hurt John's heart in the most terrible way. The only company he still had left was their beloved little dog, but it was no comparison to his wife at all, even though he loved Saffy like crazy. John despised that he had to eat dinner alone (take out, he was too lazy to cook. He did, however, share with Saffy), without his wife sitting across from him, that she wasn't there to cheekily comment on whatever they were watching on the TV, and even more so that he had to get ready for bed without her by his side. He hurried to get his bathroom routine over with, but the loneliness only got worse when he crawled into their bed on his usual side. Saffy hopped up as well, making herself a place on Veronica's pillow, now that it was free. For a moment, he found himself wishing he was with his wife in the hospital she was currently in, no matter how much he feared those sterile places full of sick and dying people, she was more important to him. But they hadn't let him stay longer than the visiting hours, and so, he was damned to deal with the silence in their home.

Sighing, John turned onto his side and reached out for his phone on the nightstand. His wife's number was on speed dial, and a smile spread on his face as she answered almost instantly.

"Hi", she spoke softly, her voice weaker than usual which worried him even more. Her surgery wasn't until tomorrow, but he was so scared for her already. The mere thought of her all alone in the white hospital bed brought him close to tears once again, causing him to fail to reply.

"John? Are you there? The phone's not working properly!"

He chuckled a little at this. "Your phone is working just fine, Ronnie. - How are you doing, mh?"

"The same as two hours ago", she told him resignedly and he could almost hear her rolling her eyes as she was sure it would've been fine to go to the hospital an hour before her actual surgery. She hated hospitals almost as much as him.

"Saffy's missing you", John murmured as he ran his fingers over the curly white fur. "She's laying on your pillow, probably wondering where the hell you and your special treats are."

Veronica chuckled a little, warming his insides in the very best way. "There's still some in my bedside drawer, if you want to give her some."

"No, she's not used to getting treats in bed from me, that's your little ritual with her. - Are you allowed to walk around outside?"

"Well, yes, why?", she replied with confusion.

John smiled even before telling her the plan he'd thought of this afternoon, a possibility the couple hadn't considered yet for whatever reason. "I'll come by with Saffy tomorrow so you can see her again."

"Oh!", she gasped. "Oh, really?! How? She hates the car, she's going to puke!"

"I'll take the bike."

Veronica burst out laughing at that, and the sound was so heavenly to him that he closed his eyes and simply allowed the tears to stream down his cheeks in their silent way. Oh, he missed her so much... Two days were enough for him to long for her more than anything, and he hoped dearly that she wouldn't notice his crying, he didn't want her to have another thing to worry about.

"There's no way you'll do this! Do we even have a working bicycle? Maybe she'll get sick from that too?"

"Uhm", he made, hesitating for a second. "There should be one of the kid's ones in the garage, and, unless I'm mistaken, it has a basket on it, too. I'll just see how she's coping with it, then I can decide if I drive all the way to you."

His wife failed to answer for a moment, probably thinking his plan over. Patiently, he waited, he knew that she'd reply when she was ready. In that regard, the couple was very similar.

"I think you should wear a helmet."

Well, he hadn't expected that, after all, and it made him smirk a little, imagining himself driving the streets like this. "No way! I can put a helmet on Saffy, if you want."

"No, I'm serious, John, you should wear one! You haven't driven a bike in ages, and, like it or not, you're old and fragile."

"I'm not-"

"Yes, you are", Veronica cut him off, her voice more energetic now. "I don't want you to get hurt, John, so you're going to have to wear a helmet if you want to bring Saffy to me."

He groaned. "Fine, I'll wear a fucking helmet."

"Thank you", she murmured into the phone, and he couldn't be mad at her anymore. In the end, this was just her worry for him, which he appreciated deeply.

"So, I'm planning on coming at eleven o'clock, since your surgery is in the late afternoon, right?"

"They postponed it for an hour, so I'd say it's in the early evening", she informed him tiredly.

"Alright, I'll still be coming around at eleven, then we've got even more time."

"Won't it be a long drive though? Can you even drive for so long? - Wait, can't I look that up in Google?"

John chuckled, unfortunately still very amused by his wife's slight helplessness around technology like this. "Yes, you can."

"How do I do that?"

"It's supposed to be about a twenty minute drive."

"No, I want you to tell me how I can look it up!"

And so, he did. He couldn't say no to her very well, and her ambition touched him for some reason. She'd been very hesitant to get a proper smartphone in the first place, but he'd been patient and explained everything she wanted to know (and things she didn't necessarily want to know) until she'd accepted it like this and had had to admit how practical it was.

It took a couple of minutes until Veronica succeeded and let out a pleased hum.

"The bicycle symbol is right here… You're right, it takes about twenty minutes. That should be doable for you, right?"

"Yes", he confirmed with a hint of pride in her. "So, Saffy and I will come by at around eleven, as I said. I'll call you when I'm there so you know when to come down to us, so you have to put your phone on loud, okay?"

There was a moment of silence, before he heard something rustle. "Alright, got it."

"Great. And remember to bring sunscreen, it's going to be hot out tomorrow."

"Yes, dad", Veronica said, with just a hint of annoyance at his overly protective behavior. He'd always been worried sick when she was in the hospital, since she'd had their first child.

"Alright, alright, make fun of me, I just don't want you to get a sunburn."

"Well, then you have to do it, too. When you're riding the bike all around town, you need to be protected."

"I've got that stupid helmet already, that's enough!", John laughed, and, unbeknownst to him, his wife pressed the phone to herself even further, loving this sound and wishing she could hug him to physically feel his laugh.

"No, you have to put both on, for me, okay?"

"Oh, you're being mean!"

"I'm not, I'm being careful", she explained slowly. "I want you to be there tomorrow with sunscreen, a helmet, and Saffy."

"Yes, ma'am", John joked. He closed his eyes at her giggle, wishing she was here with him, too.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay? For now, just have a good night's sleep, and stop worrying about me."

"I can't stop worrying about you, Ronnie."

"Come on, at least try to think of something else, please? I can't sleep knowing you're worried sick."

The man sighed deeply, knowing there was no point in talking back to her about this matter, anyway. "Alright, I'll try. - I love you, Ronnie."

"Love you too, John. So much."

"I'll never tire of hearing that", he whispered into his phone and squeezed his eyes close, mentally trying to draw an image of his wife in such a horrible white hospital bed in his mind. He knew she was wearing a purple shirt today, always insisting on wearing her own clothes, and grey sweatpants, for comfort. He also knew that she held the phone in her right hand, probably rested on her stomach or chest, since it was on speaker phone, and that she traced the outlines of the cartoon frog on her phone case ever so often. But most of all, he knew that she was scared and that she wished to be home with him, too.

"I'll always love you", Veronica murmured gently, before ending the call, and John was left alone with the uncomfortable silence and the already sleeping dog next to him.

-

Veronica started laughing the moment she saw her husband sitting on one of the benches in front of the hospital, waiting for her. He stood up upon hearing that beautiful familiar sound and turned in her direction with a wide smile, their dog eagerly jumping up and down as she spotted her other owner. But that's not what had made her laugh; John was still wearing the helmet like he'd promised, and it was pink and had shimmering golden stars on it, making him look quite ridiculous. For a moment she wondered where he even found that.

Strolling over to her, Saffy followed his moves while excitedly swinging her tail, and John pulled his wife into a hug before whispering a loving greeting.

"You look silly", she replied, unable to stop giggling, before leaning down to pet her dog, who began licking her hand until she pulled away way too soon. Her heart seemed to ache with love for this little creature, but she had to focus on something else first. Taking the loose helmet off his head, she turned it in her hands thoughtfully, before giving it back, still smiling widely in amusement. "Is that Laura's?"

"Obviously! I found it in the garage as well. Lucky me, 'cause for a moment I thought I'd have to buy a new one just for this. - You know, it was pretty humiliating to drive through London with a rusty bike and, well, this on my head."

"You must love me a lot to have done that", Veronica smirked, her eyes shimmering with a hint of tears, a little overwhelmed by his rather romantic actions. Her husband nodded, a little flustered and proud of himself, before leaning down to give her a chaste kiss on the lips.

"I do", he murmured. "How about a stroll down to the park, mh?"

"I'd like that", she said softly, and John handed her the slim leather leash of their dog. She kneeled down on the concrete, not without her husband scolding her to be careful of her knees, and Saffy jumped on her lap, whining a little out of pure joy to see her again while rubbing her little head against the dark shirt. She left a few white hairs back, but Veronica couldn't mind less.

"I missed you too", she cooed with tears in her dark eyes. "Yes, Saffy, yes, I missed you too! Was John nice to you? Yes? Oh, yes, you're so cute, mh?"

John laughed a little upon seeing this scene, and she blushed a little as she stood up and straightened her back. "Don't look at me like I'm crazy, you love her too!"

With a little scoff, he demonstratively turned away. One of their sons had said that he was the typical dog dad once, having not wanted a dog in the first place and being very hesitant even when she'd arrived as a puppy, but he'd warmed up to her ridiculously quickly and was now the first one to be concerned about her and to buy her tons of toys. Even though he didn't show his emotions as much, Veronica knew she was right.

"On a different note, have you thought about the sunscreen?", he asked her with evident worry. She looked a bit caught.

"No… But they didn't have any there, anyway."

He nodded, thoughtful. "I assumed as much, so I brought some."

Veronica watched in awe as he pulled a little tube from his large pockets, proudly showing it to her, while his eyes scanned her outfit quickly. Despite the heat of the day, his wife, ever so cold, was wearing a shirt with half sleeves and ankle-long linen trousers over her favourite comfortable sandals, and therefore only had little exposed skin.

"Come here, I'll apply it for you", he invited, pointing at the little bench he'd sat on earlier. Although rolling her eyes and thinking he was doing too much, she couldn't help admitting it was rather cute. Therefore, she did as suggested, having a seat at the edge, while Saffy hid in the shadows underneath the wooden seats.

Once settled down, John tapped his lap, signaling for her to put her feet on him.

"I'm wearing long pants, that's unnecessary", she told him and reminded him a little of any of their children in their toddler phases, which made him giggle slightly.

"Your bridge will get burned. You know you burn easily, Ronnie. - Please?"

Sighing, Veronica gave in, knowing he was right, and he very carefully and thoroughly put the sunscreen on her feet, making sure not to miss a single spot. Once finished, he helped her sit properly again and came closer.

"Close your eyes", he told her softly, and once she did so, a cool liquid ran down her cheek. With great care, his large fingers spread the sunscreen on her whole face. He couldn't help admiring her beauty while doing so, even after so many years, he still felt incredibly lucky to have found a woman who supported and loved him like Veronica had done all those years, who'd never given up on him. And on top of that all, she looked stunning - what more could he ever want?

Perhaps he was a bit more thorough than necessary, but he enjoyed this moment so much that he didn't want it to end. His fingers traced her features over and over again, until the cream was fully soaked in, and then he sat and admired his "work" for a moment.

"Finished?", Veronica suddenly asked. "Can I open my eyes again?"

"Yes, yes, sure."

She looked right at him, and after a couple of seconds of eye contact, the elderly couple broke out giggling.

"You're glowing", John commented, satisfied with his results and sure that she was protected from the sun for the next couple of hours.

"Am I? You're not! Have you put on sunscreen at all?"

"Well, uhm, I put some on my legs since I'm wearing shorts for the second time this summer, but other than that… I might've… forgotten."

But the way he spoke told her the truth, and she let out a dramatic gasp.

"You did it on purpose, didn't you?!"

"Erm…"

Veronica could barely pull herself together, laughing to herself as she grabbed the sunscreen from his hands and opened the tube once again. Shaking her head, she looked back at her husband.

"Alright, hold still, I'll do it for you."

"Thank you", he grinned, happy that she saw his ulterior motive for this. She knew him so well. He closed his eyes as her tender fingers met his face, thoroughly enjoying her touch.

To his great pleasure, Veronica took her time too. In the end, a couple of minutes later, she ended with a kiss on the only place she didn't put sunscreen on, his lips, and felt him smile against her.

"I think now we're ready to go for that walk", she said, blushing ever so slightly, so she decided to focus on Saffy instead, luring her back out with pets. The dog was excited immediately, her whole body seemed to wiggle, and it was quite obvious that Veronica was her favourite human ever. John couldn't blame her; he felt the same.

"Alright, up with you two", John interrupted and stood up himself, the sunscreen sliding back into his pocket, as he felt the tiniest hint of jealousy he'd never get over at the image at hand, sometimes wishing the dog would prefer him. He reached out for his wife's hand, but she declined with the tiniest hint with a scoff, annoyed that he thought she was this fragile. The man noticed. "I just wanted to hold your hand, Ronnie."

"Really?", she questioned as she sorted out the leash, trying not to get tangled.

"Yes, really", he lied. A little white lie never hurt anybody, right? "Or would you rather take my arm, mh? We'll do what you want."

With a pleased smile, she accepted his offered right arm and they started walking out of the hospital grounds together, Saffy confidently leading the way. Veronica couldn’t help glancing at her husband every now and then as they made their way down the pavement and towards the little park nearby. The helmet swinging at his other side, he looked incredibly pleased with himself, a little smile on his handsome face that was beautifully lit up and glowing in the summer sun.

"Thank you."

Confused, he looked at her. "For what?"

"For visiting me."

"I visit you every day when you're in the hospital, I've always done that."

"... Exactly."

John's smile widened a little and his wife couldn't help but smirk, too, forgetting the awful circumstances of their meeting at least for a little while. Cars rushed by them as well as other pedestrians, but none of the three cared much for this. They were in their own, quiet world, and John finally felt at ease again, right here, at his wife's side. He was determined to savour the time until their inevitable temporary goodbye as best as possible.

He tried holding her even closer, and allowed himself to look over again. She really was beautiful, despite her rather evident exhaustion from her hospital stay, and her pretty eyes were glued to Saffy, who was curiously exploring the environment. John knew he'd made the right decisions - both marrying her and bringing their dog to her just now. Deep down, he knew he'd do anything to make her happy, even if he'd had to embarrass himself by driving through London with a tiny bike and a pink, shimmering helmet. Her smile made all his troubles worth it.

[julescape]

guysssss (gender neutral) i'm not exactly sure if someone else saw this too (probably), but i might have discovered another tiny tiny hint of veronica??? you know growfasterfaster made this theory up that the woman john's leaning on at freddie's birthday party in '84 is veronica, which makes sense. there's also another picture of john from that day, and on his left side (from the viewer's point left) you can see a head. although honestly it's not even a whole head but just hair lmao. BUT that hair looks like veronica's hair on john's birthday party in '85. so, i feel like this might be her, which on turn makes it more probable that the woman john's leaning on is veronica indeed. it was probably said before my memory is shit sometimes but i just noticed this again and wanted to share :) what do you all think?

[julescape]

"Retirement" Johnica fanfic

hey all!❤️ the inspo for this was a conversation with @lickemagaindeaky where we discussed why john didn't retire earlier, and i liked the idea so i decided to turn it into a little fic! enjoy reading, and if so, i'd appreciate feedback, thanks! :D

warnings: angst, money talk, mentions of sex

word count: ~3,7k

---

July 1983

John Deacon loved evenings like this. It was summer, his favourite season, and he was sitting outside on the bench in their garden, with his wife in his arms. The couple sat in the shadow of their house, which they'd just expanded a few weeks ago, when they'd agreed that they wanted a fourth child, and therefore would need more space. Now, Veronica was four months pregnant and under her tight shirt, her husband was able to see her little bump, something which he'd loved the first three times already. He couldn't wait for this child to arrive, while also cherishing the time she was pregnant, yet for her, there was an overbearing shadow over this experience.

A few days ago, John's band had had a meeting to discuss the possibility of going back into the studio, the break was now almost eight months long, and the others missed being playing together as Queen. The bassist had been a bit more hesitant, but he felt a sense of both loyalty and responsibility towards them. Still, he hadn't been able to ignore Veronica's badly hidden devastation, which mirrored in her every move, every word and every interaction they've had since then. It had made him think, think about how much he'd enjoyed the time at home with so few musical projects to do, the little professional responsibilities, instead, he had only been a father and a husband. He'd thought about how Veronica had made some comments about having to birth and raise this baby alone too, thought about the times he'd heard her cry and had been too scared to interrupt her.

Today, he'd made the biggest decision of his life, or at least one of the biggest. Of course, Veronica had suspected something was going on no matter how much he'd tried to hide his emotions, but he'd been able to keep his mouth shut. Only now that all three kids were settled in their beds and asleep, he felt the burning urge to tell her. Having secrets from her, even just for a few hours, wasn't his most favourite thing at all.

"Veronica?", he spoke up and hoped his voice was firm and not trembling the way his heart was.

"Mh?", she hummed back. She nestled her cheek against him, her hands taking his one in her lap. He knew she hated that his wedding ring was still lost, and he wasn't eager to get himself a new one, while she hadn't taken it off since their wedding, except for only a few occasions.

John really wanted to tell her. He was almost bursting with nerviness, the news wanted out, yet in the end, he only said: "Are you cold?"

"A little, yeah."

Everything in him screamed to tell his wife what had been rumouring inside of him for the whole day, and he surprised himself when he realized that he was a little frightened, because of all the possible ways she might react to it. It wasn't that he didn't want to tell her, he wanted nothing more, yet he wasn't sure whether she'd consider it great or devastating news.

"I'll get you a blanket."

"That'd be nice", Veronica mumbled. "Bring me another glass of wine too, yes?"

"Sure", he nodded eagerly, as he gently separated their embrace, pulling his large hand from her petite yet strong ones, and standing up. She looked back up to him, smiling a little at how caring he was - she knew he'd been putting a lot of effort into actively being a good husband to her. With the little free time he'd had during the last years, he'd spent all of it with their children, which she couldn't blame him for, but their couple time had almost been decreased to zero because of that. Only in the past months and several rather stern talks from her, he'd taken better care of their relationship, something that only made her fall deeper in love with this amazing man.

As John walked back in through their garage to pick up one of the blankets they'd reserved for outside use, Veronica let her glance roam over their garden. On the left side, there was still a bit of chaos from all the building work that had happened during the last months, but she was already busy planning what plants she'd put there. John had suggested buying a trampoline for their children, and while she was a bit concerned about the safety of that, she appreciated the idea. Now, they had the place and money to buy a big one of good quality at least, so she reconsidered shutting this idea down initially, and she was certain that all three of their children would be thrilled by it, especially Robert, who loved all kinds of sporty activities. It still made her smile how their eldest boy was almost always able to convince his dad to play football with him, despite John's general dislike of participating in such activities.

"Ronnie?", her husband called, and she turned her head to where he stuck his one out of the door. "Do you want white wine, or red?"

"I never take red wine, you should know that", she scolded him lovingly and he promptly blushed in embarrassment and went back inside. A few minutes later, he came back out, balancing two glasses, one tall one with white wine, the other smaller and filled halfway with gin tonic, as well as a thick blanket, which she pulled from his arm once he was in her reach. Carefully, she spread it over herself, before taking her glass from his hands, which allowed him to sit down more easily. Veronica felt gracious, and spread the blanket over his knees, too, before laying back against him.

"I wish life was always like this", she whispered with a sad smile on her face as she looked up to him. He quickly took the opportunity to kiss her lips, his heart racing as he thought that now was the perfect moment. He had to tell her.

"What if it were?", he mumbled, looking back into their garden to avoid his wife's eyes, because he knew the exact glance she gave him now, a bit irritated, and able to read him as well as nobody else could.

"It's not, though", she replied flatly, sighing at the nice thought nonetheless. She couldn't help it, a part of her still mourned the silent, more or less normal life they'd thought they'd have by now.

"Well, but what if it were?", John insisted. His vigour irritated her slightly, before she grew curious.

"What do you mean, John?"

"Well-"

"John", she said sternly and wound out of his embrace, before placing her wine on the ground so she wouldn't spill it as she sat to face her husband. "John, what's going on? You're acting weird."

He looked down at his twisting hands, taking a deep, nervous breath. "What if I stayed here?"

"Here as in home? Or here as in England?"

"Home."

"What- What does that mean? John, don't kid around! What- Are you saying…? What are you saying?!"

"Well, erm, what if I… stopped? With the band? Just, you know, stay at home, maybe I could go into production, but… Not with Queen."

Veronica couldn't quite pinpoint what exactly she felt, but mostly, she wasn't sure whether she could trust his words.

"You want to… quit Queen?"

"No, I…" He sighed deeply, trying to explain himself, yet not finding the right words to do so. He closed his eyes, struggling, and suddenly felt tears run down his cheeks as he was overwhelmed with the situation. How was he supposed to tell her what a conflict had been within him the past days, how to tell her what he'd decided today? No words seemed enough to let her know, while he desperately needed her to know how he felt and what he thought. If she wouldn't understand, no one else would. Veronica was the person he trusted most, he always came to her in both bad and good times, and if he'd fail to let her know his emotions now, he felt like giving up completely.

Frustration made his body tremble as he pressed his lips shut, trying not to sob, trying not to break down right now. A pair of cold arms sneaked around his body as Veronica hugged him tightly.

"Shht", she whispered into his ear. "Just let it all out, I'm here."

John's hands went up to grab her arm around his belly, and he leaned into her, his forehead placed at her shoulder as he followed her guide and began sobbing into her shirt. She'd been able to help him in many situations where he'd felt sick to the stomach, her calmness and touch always comforting him, and she'd help him now, too. She made him better.

Swaying him a little in her arms, she kissed his curly hair, which, as much as she'd disliked the short hair at first, she had to admit she'd grown very fond of. Veronica felt each of her husband's deep breaths, each of his little whimpers made her heart clench more, while she couldn't deny that she was both curious and anxious about what he'd been trying to say. Of course they'd talked about him quitting the band, but those had always been daydreams, for both of them, fantasies of a life they'd never actually have, a slow, calm life full of peacefulness and little stress. She had never allowed herself to actually consider this possibility, too scared to end up with regrets and hatred for her life as it was.

"Veronica?", John whispered into her shirt in a small, almost scared voice and she hummed as a sign that she was listening.

"I think I do want to quit."

Often, the couple was able to understand each other without or with just a few words, but now, it wasn't enough for Veronica to calm her pacing heart. "You really want to… retire? Never go back to the studio or touring?"

The bassist took another deep breath before he felt ready to sit up. Taking her hands in his ones, he finally looked into her hopeful brown eyes.

"Yes. I- I thought about it for a long time, and being home for so long now… I can't leave you again. It's not worth it."

"Really?", Veronica whispered back. The careful smile on her face, coupled with a few tears spilling over, broke his heart, and he knew that this had been the right decision. He loved her. He'd vowed to show her how much he loved her, and this would be his greatest promise; giving up the life he knew, his friends and his music, just for her and their family.

"It'll take some time to work it all out", he said softly, trying to stay focused on all the things he needed her to know about this. He'd made a mental list, but wasn't sure if he'd be able to remember all of it. "With the money, the contracts, the other three… It's a long process, and I might lose some money in court, but I'll keep getting the royalties for my songs, so-"

Veronica's lips were on his ones before he could finish the sentence, with such passion and excitement that it felt as if they were eager teenagers, not a married couple in their thirties. She wanted to scream and cry, but instead, she only kissed him deeper, her fingers tangling in his locks as he cupped her cheek with his large, calloused hand.

After a while, she pulled back, looking at him intensively. "Do you really mean it?"

"I do, Veronica", he replied firmly, and for the first time since making this decision, he was able to smile about it. "I mean it. I'm quitting the band." It was as if this huge weight had been relieved from his chest, and although he wasn't free from responsibilities just yet, in this moment, as his wife looked at him with sparkling eyes, her tears dripping on his hand, he felt free for the first time in years.

"I love you so much", she whispered in a hoarse voice. "So, so much. You're really going to quit and stay home, aren't you?"

Now, John broke out giggling, happiness spreading in his whole body in a way that he wasn't sure how to express, so he only held her hands tighter. "Yes, I will. We'll both stay home and take care of ourselves and our children."

"You'll stay with me?"

"Well, I might go into producing music, but not the the extent I was involved with Queen, you know, just some local projects, I'll be home for dinner every day", he explained anxiously, hoping she'd understand. He wanted to work, he felt the urge to do something instead of sitting around on his bottom at home all his life, but he couldn't break her heart again by leaving her to go across the world, it's a price he wasn't willing to pay anymore. He'd consulted with their lawyer already, figuring out if what he had would be enough to live off of for the rest of their lives if they wanted to keep up this style of living, because he didn't want her to end up poor once again, after all they'd gone through. It was a lot more complex than just quitting from one day to the next, but in that moment, he saw that Veronica didn't care about the details just yet. For now, all they focused on was that soon, he'd be free again.

"Yes, I'll stay with you", he corrected himself with a timid smile. "Forever, like we promised."

"John…"

"Mh?", he asked back, looking into her warm eyes and was met with nothing but utter love. She was always supportive, and now, he felt silly for ever questioning her reaction to such news. As difficult as it all had been for him, she hadn't been better off, stuck in London with their children for months on end with minimal support, always fearing for his well-being on tour. She was exhausted and scared, yet now, he was able to see how all those longstanding worries were relieved in a matter of minutes.

"I don't know what to say", she admitted with an insecure chuckle, her cheeks red, and he knew this wasn't because of the wine but because of the happiness and relief slowly spreading.

John grinned cheekily. After the news were out, he felt relieved, and decided to try to make this day end even better. "Well… How about 'You're such a good husband, let's go inside to have sex'?"

"Oh, you're filthy!", she scolded. But her laugh betrayed her, and he was glad he'd been able to lighten the mood a little. He knew this topic would lead to many difficult conversations, but the hope that it would be worth it in the end kept him going.

Veronica's hand stroked over his bare thigh, and he was very pleased at that moment that he was wearing shorts.

"Well, John…" His wife smirked at him. "You're such a good husband, how about we go inside and have sex, mh?"

The bassist giggled, blushing a little. "I did not think this would work! Thought you wanted to ask some more questions."

"True. It's not that late, I think we have time for both…"

"Go ahead", he encouraged her gently, knowing instinctively what she'd want to do first of those two options.

Veronica collected her thoughts for a moment. "You said you signed a contract already, when was it, maybe two years ago? And you said it's a big one, how are we going to get out of this with any money left? Are we going to have debt? Do we have enough money to put the children through school?"

John had expected such questions, so he was calm when he answered, even had a little smile on his face. He was planning their future, and although it was scary, he knew he was able to provide for them. "Well, yes, it's going to be a bit tricky. The others might lose money too, they might be upset with me, but I'm planning on giving them the liability to use the name Queen, you know? They might get a new bassist, or do other projects under that name, but without me, I won't earn anything from it. We might have to cut our vacations down a bit, if necessary, I'll sell our house in L.A. in a couple of years, you know, but we'll always have enough money, both for us and for the kids. You don't need to worry about money."

"Won't you miss touring?"

This question was more difficult, but he'd foreseen this as well, and had thought about his answer in depth. He wouldn't lie to her. "Probably, yes."

Veronica bit her lip a little. It wasn't that she was surprised by the answer, but a part of her felt bad that he was going to give up something he loved as dearly as touring. Swallowing her worries down, she thought of the next question. "You love working with the other three, won't you miss them?"

"I can still see them, I'm not cutting off contact. They're my friends, they just won't be my colleagues anymore, you know? In fact, Roger recently suggested going for a skiing vacation, the four of us."

"That's nice of him, I'd love to, but... But you won't be playing with them anymore then. You love playing with them."

He pulled her even closer and spoke very quietly, but she heard the sadness in his voice nonetheless. "I'll learn to live without it. I'll adjust."

Veronica stayed silent at that answer. Queen had been not only her husband's life, but hers, too. It had dominated every aspect of her life, their marriage, the way they raised their kids, the way she viewed herself. It hadn't been easy to adjust to that at all, it's been so different from anything she'd ever imagined her life to become, but the process had taken years. She'd known what she'd gotten herself into when she married a musician, although the extent had been vastly more than either of them had initially thought it'd be. This time, should her husband really retire, the process would be much quicker. The split in court might take years, but all that time, he'd be home, and as much as she hated to admit it, she'd gotten used to life without him. The changes would be dramatic for her already, she couldn’t imagine how difficult this decision had to have been for John.

"Do you think you can be… fulfilled, even without the band?"

"I hope so", he whispered with a thick voice. "I really, really hope so."

Veronica started crying, the pain in his voice hurt her heart, and he placed a kiss on her soft hair.

"Don't cry, Ronnie. I've made my decision."

"I don't want to keep you from doing what you love…"

"No, Ronnie, you're not doing that, I made the decision myself. See, I know you a little bit, that's why I only told you now, I knew you'd blame yourself if I hadn't. And in the end, I can still go into production and all that, maybe I'll build my own studio somewhere in London. - I promise, I will be able to deal with it. We'll be happy, okay? We'll be together and we'll be happy."

"You do know me well", she sniffled quietly and John hugged her as tight as he possibly could without smothering her.

"That's why I made this decision. For us."

"You're a good husband", Veronica mumbled as she melted in his warm embrace. He stayed quiet, wondering if her words were true.

Of course he wanted to be a good husband and father, but sometimes, he felt nothing short of an utter failure, making him believe she deserved someone better. Now, he tried to be this better person himself. The thought of her being with a different man, let alone marrying one, made his stomach turn; she was his wife, and he wanted it to stay this way. He wanted her to be proud to have him as his husband, and no matter how difficult this decision was and how deep the fear of regretting it was inside his heart, he knew he had to change. Not only for her, but for their children, too. He didn't want them to forget him, he didn't want them to be the children in school who had nothing good to tell about their dad, because he had to leave just when they'd gotten used to having him around again. He wanted to watch them grow up and be a major part of their lives. He wanted to actually do the parenting and not just hear about it in phone calls while he was in a different part of the world, playing to thousands of strangers he barely cared for. No, he wanted to be with his loved ones instead.

As much as he loved being a musician, after all, it was all he'd ever known in the past ten years of his life, John felt that now it was his time to make the change to be a great husband and father instead. He'd make sure to never leave them behind or forget any of them ever again; that's what family meant to him.

After a silent while of them hugging each other end sipping on their respective drinks, Veronica suddenly started giggling, making him lift his head to look at her, and she saw the silent question in his eyes. She smirked, her heart fluttering at the prospect of having many, many more evenings like this to come due to his decision.

"Now that I asked my first few questions... Since you'll be such a good stay-at-home husband, John, and you answered me so well, how about we finally go inside and have sex? I can't get any more pregnant, anyway."

She read the answer in his eyes, crinkling as he smiled so widely, and he eagerly closed her cold lips with his. John finally felt at home again.

[julescape]

"Sleepless" Johnica fanfic

hey all!!💕 this little fic i wrote rather spontaneously, it's not about the anniversary of their meeting, but i still think it's a cute fluffy piece about nowadays johnica. have fun reading, and if you like it, i'd very much appreciate if you leave me some feedback!!

word count: ~2k

---

Veronica couldn't fall asleep. Tomorrow, their youngest son would write one of his most important exams for his studies, for which she'd intensely gone through the material with him during the last few weeks, and now, she was horribly nervous about how he'd do. She'd set her bedside clock to wake her early in the morning to align with the beginning of Cameron's exam, to be able to continue her little ritual of lighting a candle in thought of one of their children having a big day. It was close to midnight now, and while John laid at her left side, close to dozing off, she wondered how she'd find peace this night at all. Nervously, she began twisting her fingers and playing around with the cross necklace she wore.

It didn't take long until she felt her husband's hand on her lap, palm turned upwards, so she was able to place hers on it, and he interlaced their fingers. It were those little signs of care that still made her fall deeper in love with him, even now, after almost forty years of marriage. John knew she was on edge, and helped her however he could, ever so caring and loving with his beloved family. With his arm stretched out to reach her, he used his other hand to pull his blanket back up to his chin, before finding a comfortable position to fall asleep in.

Veronica listened as his breathing got slower and calmer. After a few minutes, the strong grip on her hand loosened, and she figured he must've dozed off. Other than him, though, she still wasn't able to find rest.

Letting her glance roam around their dark bedroom, she eventually stopped at the small cupboard of books she kept here. It were mostly her all-time favourites, collected over the span of the past decades, as well as some she was currently reading or newly bought ones. Since she'd been a child, she'd always loved to lose herself in books, they took her away from all worries she might have at the time, into a world where she was the observer to crimes, drama, romance and so much more.

Veronica carefully took her husband's hand off her lap, trying to sneakily place it underneath his blanket. I'm return, he groaned a little and turned around, though she wasn't sure whether it was a sign of him deep asleep or still awake. Freed from his comforting touch, Veronica put back her blanket to stand up and walk over to the bookshelf, her fingers being met with the familiar feel of the spines. They came in many shapes and forms, but even in the dim light of the street lamps shining through the little gaps between their curtains, she was able to tell her favourites apart. Eventually, she settled for a specific book, which she took back to the bed, as well as the little clip-on lamp John had bought her once. She placed herself leaned against the headboard, the pillow between her back and the wood to go easy on her aging body, before putting the blanket back over her lap. The book's pages greeted her with a familiarity she'd missed, and she knew it would be enough to push the worries about Cameron in the back of her mind, at least for a while. The world in the book devoured her, she barely took a minute to get lost in the story once again, her eyes scanning the pages.

Time passed much quicker when she was reading than worrying about him, and she only got catapulted back into reality when her husband's hand hit her wrist.

"Veronica", he groaned, his voice dark with sleepiness and she looked down at him, wondering why he interrupted her. She knew the lamp wasn't too bright, he'd never woken up because of it before, so she was a bit lost.

"What is it?"

"You woke me", he complained with another groan into his soft pillow, and she furrowed her brows.

"Is the reading light too bright? I made sure to put it on the lowest setting."

"The light? No, no… No, you're just… loud. You gasp and giggle all the time."

Now, she was more offended rather than worried about him. "I'm sorry?"

"Every time you turn a page you gasp or do something else. You always do that with your favourite books", he elaborated lazily as he retreated his hand under the blanket to stay warm.

"Well, I'm sorry that I engage and connect deeply with literature, mister!", Veronica scoffed, glaring at her husband's pale face in the dark.

"Alright, alright", he sighed, turning around and demonstratively pulled his blanket over his head as if to hide from her sounds. With a little annoyance at his behavior and a hint of jealousy of his ability to fall asleep whenever, Veronica grabbed his blanket and pulled it back down to expose his head.

"Stop it, you're not a child. You can deal with your wife enjoying a book."

"Not if she's enjoying it this loud", he grumbled. "You know other times I don't mind but, please, I'm trying to sleep here, you know?!"

"Well, I'm trying, too!", she complained with a moan, laying her head back against the wall, her book useless on her lap. Her mind kept drifting off to Cameron, who was hopefully deep asleep by now, so he'd be rested when going into the exam the next morning. Although she tried to force herself to think about anything else, every few seconds, her mind took her back to their son in his room at university. Other than her, her husband seemed to be close to dozing off after another few minutes.

"John", Veronica spoke up, with a bit too much force than she wanted, but she was getting frustrated by now. Her body was tired, her mind wasn't.

"What?"

"You know, when we've just gotten married, you always sang to me when I couldn't fall asleep."

"I know."

"I can't sleep now. - This exam is so important to Cameron, he has to pass it, you know."

"I know."

"I'm worried whether he's prepared enough. I tried to study with him, and Robert tried to help him out, too, but perhaps that's not enough. Cameron's going to be so disappointed if he fails this class - not that I'm saying I don't believe in him, I do, but…"

"Veronica, stop worrying. He'll do his best", John mumbled into the pillow, his voice heavy with sleep. He wasn't in the mood to argue with his wife now, especially because he was, at heart, worried about their youngest as well, although not to an extent that he wasn't able to sleep.

"See, my mind keeps going back to Cameron again. If you'd let me read my book, maybe I'd be asleep by now!"

"Just lay down, close your eyes and think about something else."

"This is one of the stupidest things you ever said, you know I can't stop worrying about him", she whined. Giving up on her book, she closed it again after having only read about two chapters, and put it on her bedside table, along with the little reading lamp she'd now turned off completely. Her glance fell on her phone, and she turned it around to take a quick glance at the clock, being rather shocked at how much time she'd spent worrying instead of sleeping, and she started to wonder whether she should take a sleeping pill to aid her, after her attempt with the book only lasted so long.

"John?"

"... Yes, Veronica?"

"Do you still have your sleeping pills in your cabinet?"

He stayed quiet for a good while, so long so that she began to wonder whether he forgot to answer and fell asleep instead. After waiting another while, she tapped his shoulder lightly, attempting to gain his attention.

"You shouldn't take those pills, they're no good", he murmured eventually, before turning around to face her again. Desperately, Veronica looked down at him, trying to convey all her worries to him so she wasn't alone with it. John sighed.

"No pills for you", he insisted once again, before finally meeting her eyes. Even in the dim room, he was able to tell from her familiar features that she was on the verge of crying, making his heart ache with concern, though now, mostly for her. "Alright, come in my arms, I'll hold you."

"Really?"

John stretched out his arm to invite her in, showing he was serious about this, and she eagerly put her pillow right beside his, before moving lower on their bed to be able to be at his height. She felt his arm wrap around her belly, pulling her close against his chest, only their blankets between them, but it still felt nice to her.

"Thank you", she whispered, taking his hand in hers and kissing his knuckles very softly. She heard him chuckle tiredly at that gesture, before retreating his hand to put it back on her belly. He couldn't count the nights they'd spent like this, especially when she'd been pregnant, so he was able to feel their baby move in her belly as well as comforting her from any possible pain.

"You promise you'll shut up and let me sleep now?", he asked quietly, feigning resentment, yet by the way she could feel his breath in her back, meaning he laid very close, she could tell he really felt differently.

"I'll try", she promised him, before cheekily adding: "Perhaps I'll sleep even better if you sing to me…"

"Keep dreaming, Ronnie", he chuckled and pressed a gentle kiss to her hair. With a smile, she moved as close as possible, getting cosy under the blanket as she closed her tired eyes. Her husband was right, she wasn’t able to do any more for Cameron now, except for lighting the candle for him tomorrow morning.

Trying to distract herself, she focused on his calm breathing, on his warm hand on her tummy, and then, so suddenly that she was actually surprised by it - his voice. In a mixture between a whisper and a hum, John sang her one of the lullabies they'd repeated countless times over the years for their children, despite saying he wouldn't do this just a few minutes earlier. She listened intensely to each of his quiet words, tears springing to her eyes and beginning to drop on the pillow after just a few verses. His voice wasn't the best, both of them were aware of this, it broke every now and then since he was trying to stay quiet even while singing, but it was filled with genuine love, and this meant more to her than anything else. He sang the whole lullaby to her, and ended with a loving kiss on her cheek.

"Sleep well and quiet, Ronnie", he whispered against her skin, a little smirk on his face despite his tiredness. As he laid back down, he felt her nod lazily.

"Thank you, love", she replied earnestly. His singing worked even better than all the books in the world, she felt protected from all of her own worries. With her mind occupied by her husband, the thoughts about their son's exam were upstaged, as well as the book world she'd been trying to solve her problem with. All she thought about was all the times she'd fallen asleep in his strong arms, safe, protected and deeply loved. Nowadays, they opted for individual comfort rather than insisting on holding each other, but on occasions like these, she still loved the feeling of being spooned by him. It seemed to erase all her negative feelings in an instant.

Cuddled in his arms and her blanket, she finally fell asleep in a matter of a few minutes, even before her husband did. Once John noticed this with a fair share of amusement, he pressed another little kiss to her cheek, before gently retreating his hand to turn around and fall asleep himself. His wife was fondly sleeping, and without her engaging with her literature in this adorable yet louder-than-usual way, he was able to join her rather quickly.

Sometime, in the middle of the night, Veronica turned around in her sleep to spoon her husband, both of them dreaming of their family.