Anyways here is a spoiler. Maybe. I wrote this blob ages ago and I don’t think I’ll be able to actually use it anywhere? It was originally meant for the whole ‘Dazai meets the agency again’ scene, where instead of the akutagawas, dazai just sort of collapses and Kunikida, kind as he is, catches him instead. I still might use it at some point—maybe like. Right at the end!—but until then it’s sort of redundant! :)
Also I am SO tired. Really living up that whole ‘ibuprofen and coffee to get me through the day’ stick I’ve got going!! Also also I HAVE A FEELING U GOT EVERYTHING U WANTEDDD
And for a brief second, Dazai actually let himself believe it was Kunikida holding him upright.
It was Kunikida of course—a Kunikida, just not Dazai’s—and as he sunk into his arms, he felt like Kunikida too. Smelled like him—like paper and ink and that awful aftershave that had taken him months to get used to, until it didn’t burn in his nose anymore—and for a second it was enough.
When his eyes slipped shut, Dazai could almost pretend he was back home.
“Come on buddy,” Kunikida said—uncharacteristically soft spoken, the way he only ever got when he truly worried, the voice reserved for scared children and hurt civilians. He’d rarely used that voice on Dazai—only during that time they’d pretended Dazai was the Azure Apostle, and then again later when a case led them to an officer shot in an abandoned warehouse—the visual a little too familiar, a little too close to home—and Kunikida had to pry him away from an unmoving chest, blood soaked into his bandages. “No passing out now.”
Maybe it would soothe that rawness in his chest, wipe away the need to claw out his own heart. It would feel good. Right. Safe.
Maybe he’d finally feel like himself again.
You’re not meant to be a long term thing, Q had told him once. They still had their childish lisp back then, and that usually made their comments all that more disturbing. It had been one of the last times Dazai had seen them before it all went down the drain. You’re not meant to stay, I don’t think.
And while listening to Q was generally an ill-advised thing to do, they had had a point. He just wasn’t built to last, to stay in one place for long.
“Oh, since the first time I met him.” Mori said. “He’s an interesting man.”
I’m sure you think that, Chuuya thought. They’d always been similar—Dazai and Mori. He’d thought that from the first time he’d met Dazai, he was pretty sure: it was in the visual as much as in their personalities—and while objectively, Dazai did not look like Mori there were striking similarities in the way they were carrying themselves—in the way they pursed their lips, or smiled or watched the room like a predator stalking prey. So of course, Mori thought Dazai was interesting. Of course he’d been watching him.
I do not have reliable internet (shout out to the #Worst Internet Provider ever) so no clue when I’ll get to upload the next chapter—promise I’m working on it, though!!!
Anyways, small spoiler under the cut!!
“He’s dangerous. He’s—deranged. I want to warn you not to engage with him directly, because he’s smart—smarter—and essentially unlikeable. And—“ he faltered. “Don’t trust anyone outside the Agency.”
“Are you included in that?” Someone said behind him—and when Dazai leaned back further in his seat—far enough to tip his head down the back, squinting at the door through half-closed eyes—he saw Ranpo had walked in, a smug smile on his face.
Behind him stood Yosano, face utterly unimpressed and—even further back—he could just about make out Kunikida.
This chapter sucks I fear. Have a snippet anyways.
“I assure you the Armed Detective Agency will take care of this in a matter of minutes.” For the first time since he’d stepped foot into this godforsaken school—for the first time in days—the smile that slipped onto his face felt genuine. Pride, he recognised, pulsing through his veins with every breath. “And besides, if they do not manage to find them, I’m sure our other friends will—won’t they, Ango?”
Ango frowned, like he wanted to say don’t drag me into this mess, but shrugged when he realized Dazai wouldn’t let him off without a proper reaction. “I do remember someone owing you a big favour….”
hello hello hello here have this little snippet! maybe i can actually finish this chapter today!!! yippie
i was also listening to blue by billie eilish while writing this :3 so be aware of that
It was a thought he’d entertained before—usually late at night, after long days at the Agency when whatever case he’d been casing with Kunikida left him too wound up for the few hours of sleep even his usual insomnia couldn’t take from him. What if Fukuzawa had found him back then instead, the same way he’d found Ranpo? What if his parents had wanted him? Loved him? What if he’d taken up the offer and joined The Sheep? What if what if what if what if
never thought i'd get to a point where JOINT PAIN is something i have to worry about at. twenty-fucking-three. i think i need a gym membership guys.
anyways snippet under the cut :)
Not all of it—he was careful not to give away too much information, kept it vague because if there was one person he knew would doubt the actually I can see the future lie he had going on, it would be Mori, who lied about his own ability daily—but enough to make the threat obvious.
“He wasn’t supposed to be here,” Dazai said. “None of this was supposed to happen yet. I thought—I thought we had time.”
Four years—they should’ve had four years. Or, perhaps, three now technically.
