An explanation…
To keep my brain from rusting I started a project to translate the drama tracks that came with the character song CDs and other stuff relating to Daiya no Ace (because I love them and they’re all hilarious). My disclaimer - I am not a native speaker of Japanese, but I will do my best!
Character Song CD 03 – Kominato Haruichi Drama 02 Featuring Haruichi, Sawamura and Ryousuke
Scene: Sawamura is trying to hack the vending machine when Haruichi arrives. Haruichi just wants to get a drink of apple juice, but nothing at Seidou is ever that easy.
Translator’s disclaimer: Eijun gets hit a lot in this drama. If you think that this might trigger or upset you, please use reader discretion.
By posting this drama translation I am in no way condoning hitting people. Violence is not good. Bouryoku hantai.
Eijun: Right hand and left hand…and then, the two buttons underneath each of those hands…
Haruichi: Eijun-kun, why are you fighting with the vending machine?
Eijun: Ah! Harucchi! Cheetah-senpai said that if you press two of the buttons on the vending machine simultaneously, you get a free go!
(Translator’s Note: Pretty sure I don’t have to explain who Cheetah-senpai is, right?)
Haruichi: You do know there’s no way that can be true.
Eijun: Then, maybe two items will come out at the same time…? If that happened, it would be the same as getting a freebie, right?
Haruichi: If you confuse the machine by pressing them at the same time, there’s always a risk neither one of them will come out. And you might not get your money back, either.
Eijun: (horrified) You’re kidding?!
Haruichi: Though you’d only know for sure if you tried it.
Eijun: Gnnnnnn! So which one is it? (he means, will it work or will it not work)?
Haruichi: Eijun-kun…
Eijun: What?
Haruichi: If you’re not going to buy anything yet, will you let me buy my drink ahead of you?
Eijun: (he sounds indignant): Why?!
Haruichi: Why..? I want to buy some juice as well.
Eijun: I guess it can’t be helped. I will heed your demand, Kominato Haruichi.
Haruichi: Why are you using my full name?
Eijun: I just wanted to say it.
Haruichi: Well, whatever….hey, wait, why are you leaving your hands over both of the buttons?
Eijun: It’s not important, it’s fine.
Haruichi: It’s not fine! And you have your hand over the tomato juice button! I really don’t like tomato juice.
Eijun: Really?
Haruichi: Mm. I’m going to buy apple juice, so please, move your hand.
Eijun: Even though they’re both red fruits…
Haruichi: Tomatoes are vegetables! (Translator’s note: lets leave that controversial debate well alone, shall we boys?) Hurry up and move!
Eijun: Fine. (He moves his hand).
Haruichi: Seriously, sometimes…hey, Eijun-kun! Why are you raising your hand like that behind my back?
Eijun: (innocently) Eh?
Haruichi: Don’t ‘eh’ me! You’re planning to press the tomato juice button, aren’t you?
Eijun: Hahaha, what are you talking about?
Haruichi: Stop trying to laugh it off in that Miyuki-senpai-esque way. I’m not fooled, and you sound nothing like him, anyway.
Eijun: (chastened): I had such confidence in it, too…
Haruichi: Honestly…how did coming out here to buy juice turn into such an undertaking?
Eijun: (he’s back and bouncy again!) In that case, let’s do this! Harucchi, you press the apple juice button. I’ll press the tomato juice button at the same time. That way we can find out what happens. How about it?
(Translator’s note: Erm, Eijun, how is this different from your original plan?)
Haruichi: How about it? Are you kidding? Why should you be pressing a button when I’m the one buying a drink? That alone is pretty strange!
Eijun: Harucchi! This is a contest! It’s a proper contest between you and I! Are you going to run away from that challenge?
Haruichi: It was never really a contest or challenge from the very start, though…Eijun-kun.
Eijun: Gnnnn…Is it no good no matter what I try?
Haruichi: (Sighs) Fine, I get it. In that case, you buy your drink first. I’ll press the button at the same time as you.
Eijun: Okay! In that case…
Haruichi: Then what is it you want to drink, Eijun-kun?
Eijun: Cold tea or hot tea!
Haruichi: Erm, isn’t that basically the same thing?
Eijun: But, ever since the old days, it’s been a tradition of the Sawamura family to drink tea or barley tea (mugicha). It can’t be helped, right?
Haruichi: I see…your house is like that. That reminds me, do you have any siblings?
Eijun: I’m an only child! We’re a family of four – Grandpa, Dad, Mum and me.
Haruichi: I see. We’re also a four-person family – Dad, Mum, Aniki and me. But I wonder what it’s like, living with a grandfather.
Eijun: In that case, Haruichi, shall I lend him to you right now?
Haruichi: Er…no…I’m fine…
Eijun: I’ve got no siblings, so I’ve always been interested in what it’s like, living with brothers or sisters. What’s it like, having an older brother?
Haruichi: Aniki is right here at Seidou, so why don’t you just ask him? “Please be my older brother”? or something?
Eijun: Eh…But…you know…that older brother is…a little bit…
(And you just know, don’t you, who is standing RIGHT behind him. Yep. You guessed it.)
Ryousuke: What about me?
Eijun: (freaked out) Ah, a presence has appeared!
Ryousuke: Don’t talk about someone like they’re a ghost (he hits Eijun). So, Haruichi? What were you guys talking about?
Haruichi: Ah…mm. It began with a conversation about my not drinking tomato juice, and it ended in a discussion about what it would be like if you were Eijun-kun’s older brother, aniki.
Ryousuke: Me…become his older brother? That’s impossible…
Haruichi: It was a ‘what if’ conversation.
Ryousuke: What about you then, Haruichi? What if I wasn’t your older brother? What if we weren’t really siblings? How would you feel?
Haruichi: I…never thought about it before.
Ryousuke: But, when I came to Seidou, you had that bunk bed and that room at home all to yourself, right?
Haruichi: Yes…that’s true…but…
Ryousuke: But?
Haruichi: It was somehow too big like that – I didn’t like it.
Ryousuke: Hrmmmm.
Haruichi: I’m quite happy that you’re my brother, aniki. We’ve always been siblings, after all. And we’ll always be like that, going forward as well.
Ryousuke: Hrmmm. I really don’t care either way, mind you.
Haruichi: Huh?!
(Translator’s Note - he’s a bit shocked by this. Bad Ryousuke. We all know you only asked Haruichi’s point of view because you like having him as a brother as well)
Ryousuke: So, let’s see. What should I drink?
Haruichi: Apple juice…?
Ryousuke: I wonder. (He presses the button…and…of course, he gets the sound for a free drink – the thing that Eijun was trying to hack from earlier). Ah. I won.
Eijun: (he’s recovered): WHAAAAAT?
Haruichi: Ah! Eijun-kun came back to life.
Eijun: (I imagine him pointing at the machine in dismay) But that should have been my free drink!
Haruichi: But I let you go ahead of me, so…
Eijun: Grrr…and now I feel I must congratulate you, Oniisan, for getting the free drink prize when it comes up so infrequently!
Ryousuke: It’s the third time that’s happened for me.
Eijun: (now both incensed and impressed, all at once): What did you say? Please! Allow me to call you Oniisan from now on!
Ryousuke: You already call me that, though.
Eijun: Then let me call you Lucky Niisan!
(he gets hit again).
Ryousuke: That’s a nope.
Haruichi: Eijun-kun? Are you still alive?
Eijun: (demented laughing): I, Sawamura Eijun, will always regain my strength, no matter how many times I get hit!
(he gets hit again).
Ryousuke: Shut up.
(and again).
Ryousuke: Haruichi…I’ll give you the free drink. I don’t need two, after all.
Haruichi: You don’t mind?
Ryousuke: Are you holding back? In that case, I’ll decide.
(he presses the button, and a drink comes out. He holds it out).
Ryousuke: Here. Take it.
Haruichi: Oh! Thank you…hey, wait a minute! This is tomato juice!
Ryousuke: It’s not good to have likes and dislikes, now is it?
