#vi types

[commentyourcode]

today was a good day

got my top braces taken off and now i look 100% more hot

after my 8 am appointment at the orthodontist i went home and immediately crawled back into bed

went back to the orthodontist at noon to get my temporary retainer and whitening stuff

then met up with JINAH and we had froyo and then went into stores

i got some super awesome lip stain and concealer at sephora

and then i went into this one store and in the sale rack they had this awful (amazing) shiny silver skirt for $10. so i got it. best decision ever

then we went into a bunch of other stores with really cute clothes with not so cute prices

we did this for a while it was fun

i love jinah

then i got picked up by the boyf and we rented him a tux for prom

then we cuddled for a while

then we went to dinner for one of our friend's birthdays so that was fun!!

also we met a rockets player. idk who. i dont know basketball. sports?? he does sports for a living and was also really tall

today was a nice day. hopefully tomorrow is equally as nice but. i should probably do work tomorrow lmao

[commentyourcode]

Watched bill o Reilly in gov to study bias in media and now I kind of want to throw up

[commentyourcode]

oh shit

tomorrow's FRIDAY which means the day after that is SATURDAY and then the day after that is SUNDAY and then it's MONDAY and that means back to school oh hell no let's just stop this train right here

[commentyourcode]

the great gatsvi a novel about the disillusionment with the second-semester-senior-year age

[commentyourcode]

sunday evening positivity

mom offered to go prom dress shopping with me soon

i managed to reassure myself that i'm not a total failure

i went out for a run

it was a nice day outside after it cooled down

i cried a bit and i felt good afterwards

i talked on the phone with the boyf a lot

i finished all of my homework

i put my hair into a really good bun for the first time

i'm going to reward myself by looking at dresses online

[commentyourcode]

thinking about some internalized light-skinned stuff under the cut

this thing has been rolling around in my head for a while now but i've definitely internalized a lot of really negative ideas from viet culture about skin color (esp for girls)

viets are generally darker skinned than most other east asians, but there's a lot of variation from really really brown to extremely light-skinned but there's definitely a huge preference for light skin, which i've had encounters with throughout my life

when i was younger i spent most of my summers outside at the pool, so i always got a really dark tan around summer time since i hated putting on sunscreen (like most kids i guess haha). but i think around when i was 11-12 someone made a comment about how tanned i was to my mom and i overheard and i understood that it somehow wasn't a good thing?? and i became afraid of getting too tan in the summer. so for every summer after that i became obsessed with putting on sunscreen (though i rationalized it as not wanting to get skin cancer although not wanting to get too dark was probably a bigger factor) whenever i went to the pool. well it worked, i didn't tan almost at all for a bunch of summers (and i certainly went outside less, also because of increased school work)

when we went to visit my mom's high school friends in california two summers ago my mom and i got praised for how light skinned i was. my mom often comments on how tan my younger girl cousin (who is incredibly active and sporty) is, with a hint of negativity in her tone. my sister (who is incredibly skinny and light-skinned) when she was younger often got told that she should become a model (even though she's amazing at math and incredibly smart) and was always praised for her looks, not her smarts. when facebook ads figured out i was viet, i started getting viet ads in the sidebar. most of them are for skin lightening products. 

i'm doing my best to actively unlearn this since a lot of it is really toxic shit but i think i'm still going to end up putting on way too much sunscreen this summer because it's pretty internalized at this point :/

[commentyourcode]

positive thinking attempt/valentine's day recap/to do today

things i will do today to make me happier:

talk to friends hopefully

maybe put my nasa meatball logo sticker on my car

work on coding my game

play the piano & sightread some fun stuff

eat girl scout cookies

reread boyf's gift

things i will do today that will keep me from being stressed out in the long run

email my teacher about recs

mb email that computational biology lab at UH about interning??? bc it seems really rad

email memorial hermann abt summer volunteering even though this is part of why i hit a massive downward spiral

finish up comp sci homework

start psych homework mb

get IDOC stuff ready to mail

hnnngh ok

today's going to be a good day

i'm going to do lots of things and try to not be sad and hate myself because i'm really super rad ok even if i'm bad at doing things some of the time

ok so valentine's day recap

i got 3 carnations from 3 friends so that was really nice :)

we're starting optics in physics which is totally my jam optics is super fun

idk what we really did in gov besides watch an episode of the west wing during which the boyf (who sits behind me) and i did the hand holding thing and one of my friends said that we were basically playing footsie but with our hands

during lunch one of our friends gave us chocolate eclairs which he made and they were really good!!

the boyf gave me his gift which was hecka cute oh my god..... apparently he stayed up until 2 am doing it (which is why he was super tired during physics ha). basically he knows i'm a huge computer science loser nerd so he wrote a bunch of code about our relationship and put it into this folder thing. so he wrote a bunch of functions about our inside jokes and made an array list of all of our dates and it was really cute......... and then when you "ran" the program on the last page it was a a big heart saying i love you and then one of our selfies.... aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh <3

i also got a lemon-flavored sugar cookie heart from the boyf

aaaand he really liked my gift :) i got him a book called packing for mars because it's the closest thing we can get to going to space right now (and also i really wanted to read it so i can borrow it when he's done ;D) i also gave him a nasa sticker because i had 2

and there was a promposal during lunch which was!!! super cute!!!

and then during the second half of hst he came over to my class and we cuddled while watching the pilot episode of psych (because he's never watched it before) although my computer battery ran out haha

and theeeeen after school we went to hermann park and i had a really good grilled cheese sandwich at the park cafe

we were going to sit on a rock on poorly draw dinosaurs but the rock we wanted to sit on (it's shaped kinda like a bean so you can sit on it) was taken so we found an empty park bench instead

and basically we were both really tired from school so we didn't end up drawing anything haha we mostly just cuddled and talked but that was really fun anyways

when we were leaving we actually saw another couple from our school leaving too... i'm not sure if they saw us but that was kinda awkward/weird?

we got bubble tea because i really wanted bubble tea and that was great i love bubble tea (i got milk tea)

and then we had to drive home and that was sad :( when we finally got to my home we spent like 20 minutes saying good bye/hugging (no kissing tho yet)

a good day <3

[commentyourcode]

happy valentine's day guys

<333333333333333333