An ode to all those you hated
Trigger warning: SA, manipulation, violence against women, self blame
"Did your friends set you up to this?"
He asked, the one who tried to tear us apart
But they didn't, it was my own decision
I needed peace after this long war
One where my body fought before my mind came to understand
Where my body knew while my mind said I was at fault
My eyes knew as it trembled at the color purple
The same purple that used to adorn my hair
My tongue knew as it refused food
Food touched by the scent of smoke
My stomach knew at it turned at the waft of air
Air fresh with the scent of lemons
The same citrus I planted with care
My blood knew all too well as it pooled in my chest
When I saw your text the day after the incident
And when my lungs would hitch as the memories hit
As I tasted the cigarettes you smoked while I lay in contempt
It pains me more that everyone knew, except me
While I cried as I said it was my own mistake
I was stuck in a cocoon, which hushed the sounds
One you crafted from the strings of my doubts
Carefully spun to entrap me in the echoes of shame
Those words could not hold back the truth
My friends, who you said would not care
They saw through the fog muddying my brain
They saw you for what you are, long before i acknowledged
They held me close and helped me see
The same truth my body knew well before me
Now, I do not want revenge
Nor do I want an apology
I heard it once, even when i did not ask for it
One you pulled out of your pocket
Ready to distribute when necessary, like tissues or candy
I want nothing but distance, from you, your name and your scent
I wish nothing but the best for myself
All I need are those people you said were my enemies
The ones I had, have and will always call friends
