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loving you is a losing game

You had never seen Sejun lose a game of poker ever since you had met him, but when he lost for the first time, he lost what he could have never seen coming: you.

♦ Characters: gang member!Sejun x gang member!reader/you

♦ Genre: action, romance

♦ Words: 7.8k

♦ Warning: mentions of blood, death, alcohol consumption, gambling, weapons

♦ A/N: Title is inspired by Duncan Laurence’s Arcade, story inspired by Victon’s latest album and the stage designs. Click here to be added to the TAGLIST and to let me know about your fic preferences.

You had never seen Sejun lose a game of poker ever since you had met him. He had always deemed going out to play some poker as a way to let off some steam, plus to make some easy money. He had always shrugged off the compliments regarding his skills, emphasising that anyone could have become good at poker if they had devoted the time to it, and he had had enough time to build up his reputation in the underworld of the Seoul gangs.

He had tried to teach you how to play, but his attempts had always ended up with him laughing over your lacking skills, ever so obviously winning over you round after round, and you had always gotten so fed up that you had walked away sulkily, let it be just a five minute poker session with him or a few hours. You had also accompanied him a few times when he had gone out to play, watching as his delicate fingers moved over the coins, enjoying the way that smug smirk tugged on his lips, confidence filling up his veins. The best part had always been the terror in his opponents’ eyes when they had realised that they had lost. You had truly fancied it no matter how much you yourself had sucked at poker.

Sejun had been the ace of poker, but to avoid getting into trouble, he had showed up only enough times to keep up his reputation and have those rumours fly around him, but the moment people would have gotten at him after their losing strikes, he had already disappeared, becoming one with the shadows.

You had never seen Sejun lose a game of poker ever since you had met him, but when he lost for the first time, he lost what he could have never seen coming: what he had been trying to hold onto, to keep by his side, to cherish after years of chasing after it: you.

You and Sejun had quite a history, you both knew that.

The first time you had caught a glimpse of him had been when you had first entered his world - the one you also called yours by now -, walking the streets of the dark Seoul, the ones that average people had always avoided - very much sensibly. He had just walked by, but you would have never been able to forget his strikingly blue hair, that burgundy coin between his fingers that he had played with as if it had been weightless like the passing breeze and that triumphant smirk that had been playing along his lips. He had been young just like you, but he had had an air of authority and his confidence had been overflowing. You could have easily told that he had been a part of this world for some time.

You, on the other hand, had been a mere teenager, running away from the remains of the place you had called home. You had had nothing left anyways; your father had long left you and your mother, and you had always been hiding - though you had never known from whom or why.

Then, when you had come home that day, and you had found your mother’s lifeless body on the floor with a halo of crimson blood around his head, you had had no doubts anymore: those arguments between your mother and your father over money had never been as futile as you had always assumed. Your father had been in a serious debt, and your mother had sent him away. It should have been painfully obvious that one day the inevitable fate would come and bite back, but you had been naive and young, and you hadn’t known just how evil the world could have been.

You had had only one goal after that; to revenge your mother’s death and to find those who had killed her. You could have tracked down your father too, but you had soon found out that he had died not long after your mother, so you couldn’t have done anything about that anyways. You had quickly become accustomed to the little holes and tricks of your new life, you had come across multiple allies and rivals alike, but for the most part, you had been a lone wolf, working towards your revenge while learning how to become one with your surroundings like a chameleon, how to disappear as if you had been a mere illusion, and how to get what you want while staying alive; even if it had meant that blood must be spilled and lives must be taken.

You had shown no mercy just like life had shown no mercy to you, and you hadn’t intended to change that.

Years later, after you had parted ways with the members of Dreamcatcher - an up-and-coming female gang who had stayed in Seoul for only a few months, and you had said your goodbye to them once they had moved to the South of the country -, you had found yourself a new place to stay at an abandoned warehouse. You hadn’t had any strings attached with any gang or criminal you had crossed paths with because you had known just how dangerous it could have been. Being in a gang might have given more protection to you, but it had made you more vulnerable, too. There had been more to lose, more to doubt, more to question. If it had been just you, everything had been easier.

You had just finished with a little action for the day, heading back to your new place, plopping yourself down into a chair, checking the footage of the cameras around the building on your laptop to see if anything suspicious had happened while you had been outside. As you had been looking at the screen, you had heard a slight rustle from behind you, and you hadn’t hesitated to reach for your knife in your pocket while rising from your seat.

When you had turned around to face the intruder, you had immediately held the knife to his throat.

“Woah, easy, girl!” The guy had held his arms up into the air as if he had tried to show that he had meant no harm, but you had merely squinted your eyes at him. There had been something oddly familiar about him, but in that instant, you hadn’t put the pieces together because he had his hair dyed greyish, and the sharpness of his jawline, the matureness of his features hadn’t been familiar to you.

“You should be happy that I didn’t slit your throat the moment I turned around. If you know who I am, you should know I don’t greet visitors with a cup of tea,” you had pointed it out, holding the knife tightly.

“I know, but I didn’t think that you are really this fierce,” he had admitted, and there had been something attractive about that hint of admiration in his pitch-black orbs that had shone like the stars in the night sky. If midnight had been embodied by someone, it would have been him. Mysterious, dark, but beckoning you closer to search for every little secret this special time of the night had held.

“Quit the nonsense! What the hell do you want?” You had pushed the knife closer to his Adam’s apple as a warning that if he had not told you about the reason behind his visit at that moment, he would have not seen the next day.

“You. You as an ally,” he had told you immediately, his lips raising into an almost content grin when he had seen confusion flashing across your face.

“I like being on my own, thank you so much,” you had retorted flippantly, your defensiveness not wavering. The boy had used your slight annoyance to his advantage, reaching for your hand that had held the knife less tightly, grabbing onto it and forcing it down to your side while pushing his body closer to yours. He had also reached for your other hand, putting his own one on top of it.

He had done something very dangerous yet very smart; within just a moment, he had gained control over the knife in your hand. He could have just twisted your arm back and turned you around, so that he could have been the one to hold the knife to your throat. Not that you would have let him do so that easily, but he could have tried. Instead, he had gone with something that might have cost his life, but he had also shown that he had been there to negotiate, not to flex his skills.

“So you say that you don’t need an ally? You don’t seem like someone who could protect yourself at all times,” he had teased with a lazy grin, but that grin had only stayed on his face until you had actually pierced the skin of his jaw with your knife. Just a bit. Just enough to show him that you hadn’t been afraid to make a move.

“I have my moments, but as you can see, I’m capable of turning the tables in an instant.”

“You really have no fear,” he had noted, his orbs darting between your face and the knife in your hand. You could have seen the slight fear in his midnight eyes, and you had realised in that moment why he had been so familiar; you had managed to put together the picture of this guy with the blue-haired one you had seen in the past. Oh, how confident he had been back then, and now, how afraid he had been for something that might have happened or might not have happened!

“Revenge is the only thing that makes my life worthy, so no, I have no fear of dying as long as I can work towards my revenge,” you had spitted through your teeth, your frustration rising by every second.

However, when he had made a move next, he hadn’t attacked you, not at all. Instead, he had let go of your hands, completely letting go of you. The only connection your bodies had had been the edge of the knife that had been painted by the blood that had been oozing out of the scar you had caused a minute ago. It hadn’t been grande or life-threatening, but it had been enough of a warning, enough to leave a mark later on.

“I’ll help you get your revenge if you join Victon. We need someone like you in our team, and even if it’s just until you can get your revenge, you can make use of our equipment and sources. In return, you have to be a part of all of our missions,” he had said fair and square, not losing more precious time to play the big confident boy.

It hadn’t been the first time you had been offered to join a gang. Sometimes it had been like this, almost like an invitation, sometimes it had been because of a mere coincidence or getting caught or crossing paths with others. You had heard about Victon, too, but it’s not like you had exactly known them, so you hadn’t known just what kind of a gang they could be.

“Why me?” You had raised an eyebrow tentatively, still holding onto the knife, watching as his blood was now sliding down your hands.

The boy had looked away for a moment, and if you hadn’t known better, you could have thought that he had been trying to escape your grip. However, he had merely recalled a memory as you had gotten to know in the next second:

“I’ve been trying to find you ever since you saved me even if you might not remember it. You pushed me to the side when you were fighting Lee Taemin, and you might have thought that I was a mere passer-by, but we were actually working on catching him, so I was trying to corner him, but you beat me to it,” he had let you know, and he hadn’t needed to add more details, you had known what he had been talking about. You had really thought that the one you had saved - who had worn a hoodie, so you couldn’t have known that it had been him - had been an innocent passer-by, nothing more, and despite not minding getting your hands dirty, you had never wanted innocent people to get hurt. You hadn’t wanted them to end up like your mother.

“So you can kill me if it doesn’t seem like a good deal and you want to get rid of me. After all, you’ve saved me, so I owe you with my life. Yet, if you join us, and if Victon fails to protect you, you have your own way to get your revenge on us by using me,” the boy had explained hastily, his words carrying more weight than what he had let to be seen on his face. The depths of midnight eyes had been enough to reassure you about the sincerity of his words, and his blood tinting your hands had been proof that he had been serious about putting his life into your hands.

So when you slowly and tentatively pulled back your hands, you tested him once, yet he had stayed still, waiting for you to say something before he let his lips curl upwards again.

“I really won’t hesitate to kill you if you backstab me.”

“Yeah, I could see that,” he had remarked with equal playfulness and seriousness.

You had merely eyed each other for a few seconds before you had decided to put your trust in him, asking him all the questions you had had while you had been taking care of the scar on his jaw. You had felt nothing at that time, it would have been just a new gang, you had thought to yourself, but damn, you would have never thought what would await you.

The members of Victon had never looked at you as anyone different; even if you had been less experienced in some fields compared to some of them, even if you had been shorter than them and even if you had been a female, they had always treated you equally. Which had felt oddly satisfying, but you hadn’t let them soften you because you had needed some time to trust anyone, let alone seven criminals. Everyone had had their own positions and strengths, but they had been lacking a con artist like you, no wonder you had been asked to join them.

Seungsik and Seungwoo had both been appointed as the leaders, strategically never leaving for a mission together except if it had been a really important case. One of them had always stayed at the base with their chatty IT guy - Subin -, monitoring the situation and coming up with more plans. Their minds had been insane; not only had they been very quick and calm, never losing their temper even in the most intense moments, but they had been so precise that they had calculated every possible factor into the gang’s missions from the time needed for the nearest police team to arrive at the scene if they had been caught to the measurements of the place Victon had raided.

The time Subin had spent on his computer playing video games could have been justified only by the fact that he had been exceptionally good at anything computer-related, and even if it had seemed like he had made it his life mission to chat everyone’s ears off who had happened to eat at the same time as him, you had grown fond of his childish and clingy personality (though you would have never admitted it for the world).

Hanse had been the one to deal with weapons, and it hadn’t been only his appearance that could have scared others away but also his skills with every possible weapon - even if he hadn’t had one on himself, he had known how to make one out of everything. Byungchan had been the brain of the group, having a crucial contribution in every plan and every emergency question. He had also been out on the fields with everyone else, but he had been less confident in his fighting skills than the others who had focused on the physical strength part - meaning also Chan, Sejun and you.

You had been shown no mercy when you had been training with them, but they had soon realised that they hadn’t even needed to go easy on you. The years behind you, spent mostly on your own, fighting for your own life had taught you how to protect yourself and how to make up for your weaknesses with something that could surprise your enemy. You had been wary of them, especially in the beginning, doubting Sejun’s words as much as possible, not letting your guard down.

Yet, as time had gone by, Sejun had still kept his word, and you had been able to work on your revenge, checking CCTVs, getting information and going out at nights to see your enemy for yourself. You hadn’t intended to make a hasty move because you had wanted to make sure that your plan would go as well as possible - meaning that the one who had killed your mother would die as gruesome as possible. Meanwhile, you had been on missions with the others, you had helped Subin to learn some tricks about hacking, and despite all of them making sure to involve you whenever there had been a team meal or some kind of a celebration, you had spent the most time beside Sejun. At first, you had assumed that it had been because he had approached you first out of all the members, but you had learned that he had looked up to you as much as he had feared you.

The truth is, no one had ever saved your life before Sejun had done so. Sure, some other gang members of previous alliances had fought by your side, they had kicked weapons out of others’ hands and had protected you, but you had known all too well that even if you had been hurt, that wouldn’t have been life-threatening. On the other hand, Sejun had almost taken a bullet for you, and if he had been just a second later, it would have pierced through his head, but instead, the bullet had pierced a hole in a nearby wall while you had been pushed to the ground and he had fallen upon you right after.

You had blinked up at him, totally struck, looking straight into his midnight eyes. His sweat stuck to his temples and the bottom of his pinkish locks that had grown a bit long in the last few weeks while you had been busy chasing after the gang that had killed your mother. Everyone had worked so hard on catching them, and when you had showed up at their base, things had quickly gotten out of control, but it’s not like you hadn’t been prepared. You had, no wonder you had been on the winning side, but that bullet had been sent totally out of nowhere, and you had felt so elevated after you had managed to kill the one who had pulled the trigger on your mother that you had left your guard down, enough for the other gang to take advantage of it.

You had realised that you could have happily died since you had fulfilled your wish of revenging your mother’s death, but as you had felt the force Sejun had used to push you into safety, and had heard the affection in his voice when he had inquired about your injuries, you had realised that maybe your death wouldn’t have mattered to you, but it would have mattered to him.

Even if that raid had ended well on your part, you had been practically fuming by the time you had made your way back to the Victon base. You hadn’t wanted to lose your temper right in front of everyone, so you had bobbed your head in the attic’s direction when you had met Sejun’s eyes. Subin had hissed as you had walked past him, probably sensing your rage, and the others had also been quick-witted enough to get what had been going on, so they hadn’t come after you.

When it had been finally just you and Sejun in that attic-like room on the top floor where everyone had thrown away everything that hadn’t been needed, you had immediately turned to face the boy, both of you drenched in sweat and adrenaline.

“I didn’t ask you to save me! You could have died because of me!”

You had gotten straight to the point, your voice full of something akin to anger mixed in with confusion. You had kept a safe distance from him, showing him that it hadn’t been one of those times when you had sat on the rooftop with a can of beer, only a few inches separating the two of you.

Sejun had ruffled his pink locks to shove them to the side, so that he could see you properly. His breathing had been ragged and heavy, and his words had come from the depths of his soul, resonating back from the walls as if they had been a part of a prayer.

“And what if I wanted to save you? I make my own choices!”

“You’ve said I could kill you if anyone in Victon betrayed me, but I’ve never asked you to die in my place, so that you wouldn’t feel indebted to me!” You had gritted through your teeth, the fire in his midnight eyes burning your skin. The atmosphere had been nowhere near friendly this time, and if you had been a tornado ready to strike at him anytime, he had been the thunderstorms ripping the sky, fighting whatever destruction you would want to bring to the ground.

“So what?” Sejun had asked back, taking a step closer to you, his eyes never leaving yours. “Should I have just let you die in front of my eyes now that you’ve gotten your revenge? Is that really what your life should have been about?” He had spitted, lips twitching out of frustration. He had been so close, you could have clearly heard just how quickly his heart had been beating, almost at the same time as yours.

“Revenge was my reason to live,” you had emphasised yet again, pushing his shoulder with force as you had walked past him. You had been ready to leave him there, seeing no point in this conversation anymore, but his next words had stopped you dead in your tracks:

“And you are mine!” Sejun had confessed, his voice very much firm yet also somewhat gentle.

You had immediately turned around to look at him, to look at the boy you had known from the moment you had entered this world, the one whose hair had always been dyed in a different shade ever since you had met him, and the one who had put his life in your hands. You would have lied if you had said that you had never felt that invisible string tug between you two whenever you had been close to him, but you had decided to act as if you hadn’t noticed his secret glances. You hadn’t been different this time.

“Sure because you don’t want to die by those hands that have once saved you,” you had recalled, and before he could have objected, you had turned on your heel and left.

You hadn’t needed anyone to die in your place. You would have never been able to bear that burden.

The tension had been apparent between you two ever since that night, but you had constantly disregarded Seungwoo’s worried questions. After all, you two had continued to work as flawlessly as before, so it hadn’t affected anything. So why should either of you have changed anything regarding your behaviour? It wasn’t until Subin turned to you one night, asking for a favour, that things changed.

“What is it about?” You raised an eyebrow in question, standing by the table that everyone called the dinner table. You couldn’t really sleep that night (not like it was a new thing ever since that argument between you and Sejun), so you walked to the kitchen sink to get yourself a glass of water when Subin stopped you.

“Could you check on Sejun for me? He went out at around 6, and he hasn’t come back. He never stays out that late,” Subin explained, scratching the back of his neck when he sensed your tenseness at the mention of the boy. Worry rushed through your body immediately, but you decided to go against the wishes of your heart.

“He’s probably fine.” You shrugged absent-mindedly, although you also knew very well that Sejun wasn’t the type to just be out of the base at the crack of dawn without telling anyone when he would be back or why he had left in the first place. It was already past midnight, so that was even more suspicious.

“Please… I don’t want to alert Seungwoo or Seungsik, but whatever his reason is for staying out that late, I think you could persuade him to get back,” he continued, his words dripping of worry. Whenever he looked at others as if he was about to break into tears, no one could go against what he wanted. You weren’t an exception either, so you rolled your eyes and said:

“Okay, fine. Tell me where he is, and I’ll check up on him,” you gave in, and with a relieved smile, he let you know about the underground casino where Subin has last detected the signal from his phone, so you headed there, wearing baggy clothes and a cap and a mask on purpose to not gain anyone’s attention.

There were all kinds of people around anyways, so someone like you didn’t seem that suspicious because it wasn’t a fancy casino like in the high street parts of Seoul. Only the damned ones and the rotten ones came here, so there was no need to show off anyone’s clothes. It was neither a flex party, nor a pity party.

You looked around, examining the place you had been to a few times, and you wished you weren’t right this time, but you indeed found him by the poker table with a few empty bottles by his side. You could tell that he was drunk even just by his side profile that glowed as if it had been highlighted under the sunlight.

You just stood there for a few minutes, but when he was about to start a new round, you walked up to him, not minding the green-haired guy’s curious glance who sat on the opposite side of the table.

“It’s time for you to stop,” you called him out firmly, your command not leaving room for any objection. However, given the boy’s state, he merely boosted a drunken, dreamy smile, reaching for your arm to hold onto when he was about to fall off the chair. You might have felt a bit flustered under other circumstances, but it had been long since you had shown even a tiny fraction of your genuine emotions in front of him.

“Are you that worried about me? I’ve thought you don’t want me to do anything for you,” he mentioned with a slight pout, and feeling the unsaid questions in the air, you turned to the other guy.

“How much does he owe you?” you asked as you looked at the coins on the table, feeling uneasy about the amount that was mounting in front of the green-haired guy.

“A couple millions,” he said flatly, his deep, raspy voice taking you by surprise. You might not have never met him, but you could tell right away that he wasn’t one to mess with. It looked like even just a stare of his could kill anyone around.

You turned back to look at Sejun, but he merely smiled at you again, foolishly giggling to himself as if owing someone a couple millions had been a joke. You had really never seen him lose a game of poker, so you had serious doubts about the end of this one. Had he been going on with this for hours, so that he would come out as the winner? There was no way he would have been able to bet a couple millions if he had been in his right mind. He would need to rob a bank or something to get a hold of this much money, but maybe his biggest weakness - his ego - had gotten the worst out of him, not to mention the alcohol he had consumed.

“You better not mess this one up,” you told him sternly as you bobbed in the green-haired guy’s direction, signalling him to go on with this round.

You looked out for any irregularities, but Sejun’s rival played as fair as one could, and if Sejun had managed to get drunk during a poker game, it had been his fault only. It didn’t help the situation though, and as minutes passed by, you realised that Sejun was probably losing this time yet again. You weren’t even taken aback when they showed their cards to each other, and the so-called Leedo won the round.

“Just one more, please!” Sejun pleaded, putting his hands together as if he had been praying. You wanted to punch him in the face for being so stupid, but Leedo saw the opportunity in his helpless state and offered:

“If you have no more money to bet, you should come up with something else. Something precious to you and useful to me.”

“I bet her on this last round,” Sejun blabbered carefreely as he pointed at you, and now you were more than ready to punch him in the face. Even Leedo was taken aback by his suggestion, squinting his eyes in confusion.

“What would I gain from having her? I’m not the type to…” He started, giving you a side glance, and no matter how much it reassured you that he didn’t look at you as an easy girl, a mere prey, something in Sejun’s voice left you speechless. Out of rage. Bets like this were taken extremely seriously in the underworld scene, so if he didn’t want blood to spill, he needed to keep his words.

“She’s the ace of our team,” Sejun explained casually, and if anything, his careless attitude only made you more hurt. How could he have just put you up for a bet? Even if you had argued before, even if he was clearly drunk, how could he have ever thought of handing you to someone else? As if you couldn’t make your own choices. How dared he? You hated nothing more than people deciding instead of you on something huge, and if anyone, he should have known this.

No wonder you were so frustrated that when Leedo looked at you for affirmation, you gave in without hesitation, and when Sejun lost this round yet again, you were almost glad to leave him behind with his empty bottles of soju and that well-deserved punch. Almost. You almost believed that he would have wanted to make up with you, that he had been previously drinking to get over your argument, and that you would have been able to persuade him to get back to the base because it had been you who had gone out to search for him, it had been your hand that he had held onto when he had almost fallen off his chair.

Yet, now when he wanted to reach for your hand, realisation suddenly hitting him, you fervently yanked your hand away and didn’t look back. Not again. You wanted him to suffer because of your neutrality just as much as you needed to suffer because of his carelessness. You could have killed him as he had told you years ago because he had just betrayed you, but you thought that letting him live with his guilt was worse than killing him right then and there. Letting him live with the thought of handing you over to another gang and leaving without a proper goodbye just because he had been so foolish. You wanted to scream, to run away, to cry, but most of all: you wanted Sejun to suffer.

So you walked away with Leedo, a big chapter in your life ending just like that. As quickly as Sejun had walked into your place years ago, you walked out of the casino just like that.

It wasn’t that the Oneus members were evil or let’s just say, more insane than any criminal you had met before. They had a different dynamic from Victon, and despite Leedo winning you through a bet, said fact was never rubbed into your face. In fact, when they got to know who you really were, they were dumbfounded - in the best possible way. You didn’t need to fight for their respect, they respected you from the start. You were treated as someone equal, and after you became accustomed to how they could fight over the order of showering like little kids after a rather intense mission, you didn’t feel that out of place.

It was just the oddness of the whole situation. After all, you had spent years with Victon, getting to know them and their pasts and weaknesses throughout the years, knowing the little habits of each and one of them - like how Subin was a total lightweight, how Byungchan still drank a glass of chocolate milk every morning and how Sejun dyed his hair frequently based on his spontaneous decisions -, so doing the same beside yet another gang felt both like the good old days when you had been joining and leaving gangs ever so frequently and both reassuring because that’s what you were used to: never staying in one place for too long. At least, before Victon.

You had managed to put Sejun in the past, cutting all connections with him after picking up your stuff from the Victon base that night, no words leaving your mouth - not even when Subin had insisted to give you a hug as a goodbye, not even when Seungwoo had given you some piece of advice and not even when the drunk Sejun had tried to beg for your forgiveness. Maybe they hadn’t deserved your cold behaviour, but you had been too enraged, too hurt and too broken to act any differently. You could have run away, you sure could have, but it had been a fair game, a fair bet, and you had also given in, so you had had no reason to act cowardly.

Ever since that night, you hadn’t heard from Sejun ever again because you had changed your phone anyways (which was a habit of yours given that phones could easily be hacked and their signals tracked, so it was better to have some cheap cell phones and throw them away as frequently as it was reasonable), and it’s not like you had actually searched for him to be able to see him again. Sure, you had missed him, but you wouldn’t have admitted it for the world because he didn’t deserve to be missed. And it hurt, it hurt like hell that you couldn’t hate him with all your heart no matter how much you tried.

Yet, maybe it was luck or fate or whatever, but when you were out drinking with Ravn at a run-down bar, nursing your glass of vodka as if it could fill up the emptiness that you had been feeling ever since you had left Victon, someone sat beside you, but you wouldn’t even cast him a glance if he didn’t speak up.

“You don’t usually drink vodka. Is there something wrong?” That damn familiar voice asked, and in that weak moment of yours, you decided to look at him, only to regret it a second later.

As if you should have cared even when Sejun called you. Even when he was oh so obviously not in the best mood, the mischief gone from the midnight of his orbs, his dimples hidden by the fresh scars that were scattered on his face as if they had been the remains of your broken heart, locks not dyed for the first time since you had met him, matching the pitch-black of his eyes, and that trademark grin replaced by a worried twitch of his mellow lips, you shouldn’t have been that weak to let him gain your attention so quickly.

You gulped down the foolish question that was on the tip of your tongue, wanting to ask him how he had been. He didn’t deserve that.

“Do you think you have the right to ask me if there’s something wrong?” you raised your voice, your words well-aimed like daggers. You wanted the question to hurt just as much it had hurt you when he had put you up for the bet. So you didn’t want to go easy on him, thus you threw him a glance before turning back to your glass, inwardly cursing yourself for showing up here.

You were so certain that you wouldn’t bump into him here even though the Victon members liked to frequent the Black Cat. After all, what were the chances that you would meet him when he visits this exact place when almost all the gangs around here came by? You had been here before with Ravn and Leedo too, you had been here alone, a couple of times already in the last two months, so why now? You didn’t want to act like a coward, to avoid this place just because you had been here with Sejun, too (and maybe, you foolishly wanted to see him from afar, just knowing that he was well and alive, even though the thought disgusted your hurt self more than anything), but you started to regret your own stubbornness now.

“You’re right, I don’t have the right. That doesn’t mean I don’t care,” Sejun remarked rather flatly, ordering himself a glass of water. Odd of him to order a non-alcoholic drink at a bar like this when people came here to get wasted or let their thoughts become numb under the effects of alcohol. Maybe he hadn’t drank ever since that poker game of his? No. No way. You would be delusional to think that you would matter to him that much.

You told yourself that you were rather okay with the silence that fell upon the two of you, but you weren’t. It wasn’t like one of those silences that covered the two of you at nights on the rooftop of the Victon base, drinking beer together, watching the shining stars dotting the everlasting night sky, body aching from the intense fights and skin covered in multiple plasters here and there. Those had been rather reassuring ones, just knowing that the other had been alive and well beside you, but now this… No matter how much you tried to tell yourself that you were glad nothing was said, something restless settled in your stomach, and it had nothing to do with the fact that Ravn was giving you side glances.

“I’ve missed you.”

The words fell from Sejun’s lips like a pray, a plea, a cry for a better tomorrow. His voice was absolutely weak and broken, and you had never heard him so apparently defeated before. So when your body betrayed you, and you found yourself turning towards him, you weren’t surprised that his eyes were practically bleeding, nostalgia and sorrow swimming in the depth of his orbs, galaxies hidden underneath ready to be found and explored. He looked as if he had been able to fall to his knees any moment, and knowing how he had endured every kind of physical pain in the past, not wavering even when his scars had needed to be disinfected or his skin fetched up, your heart took a silly little turn at the sight.

“It doesn’t matter,” you sighed out, almost turning back to your glass when his fervent words caught you by surprise.

“It does!”

Now, Sejun wasn’t ready to let it slide, and the sudden change in his behaviour scared you. Not because he was angry at you, but because you were afraid what might happen if he keeps going on with such affectionate words. You weren’t ready to fall and be caught by him when he had been the one who had thrown you off the edge.

“Okaaay, I think I’m going to head back,” Ravn chirped in a bit awkwardly, sensing the tension in the air. You felt guilty for almost forgetting that he had been there with you in the first place, but he probably felt like it was better if he didn’t listen to this conversation. “Call me if you need something,” he offered with a smile before he bobbed his head in your direction and left you two alone. Obviously, due to Leedo and Sejun’s bet, the other boys also knew about Sejun, but it didn’t mean that it was any more comfortable.

Maybe it’s because Ravn had left or maybe it’s because the now pitch-black haired guy was still not ready to give up on this conversation, but when he asked the following, you immediately bursted:

“How have you been?”

“You fucking put me up for a bet! How do you think I have been? I’ve resented you every single day, wishing that you would have just let go of that ego of yours when it comes to poker, and wishing that I could turn back time to the days when I didn’t know you,” you spitted furiously, not caring about the glances you were given by people around you. He deserved to be shouted at, to be called out, to be reprimanded. You wished you had the heart to even punch him or anything worse, but you didn’t. So you decided to attack him with your words instead.

Sejun didn’t look surprised by your words, rather guilty. Which should have made you happy, of course it should have, but you didn’t feel better. Not at all.

“I haven’t played poker since that day. It reminded me too much of what I’ve lost,” he mumbled, and his heart-wrenching look didn’t help your already frazzled nerves. If words could cry, he would have turned you deaf by now, but you were defenseless anyway.

“Well done, you’ve learned your lesson,” you retorted, pushing yourself off the counter and leaving as soon as possible. You held your chin up high as always, but your steps were hasty, and you didn’t calculate well with Sejun’s quick reflexes, a terrible mistake. Thus, when he caught up to you outside of the bar, grabbing your wrist and turning you around, so that your back touched the cold wall behind you, caging you between his arms, you wanted to curse at him and at yourself, too.

“You’ve purposefully misunderstood me on that day I saved you. You knew what I meant when I said that you are my reason to live. There’s no way your heart would be beating so fast when I’m this close to you and that you wouldn’t push me away right now if you didn’t feel the same way,” he pointed it out matter-of-factly, and god damn, did he have to be so right?

It didn’t help at all that he was right there in front of you, not even an arm length away, indeed feeling the quick pace of your heartbeat, probably seeing the resentment and defeat in your eyes. Of course, you could escape his grip if you wanted to, but maybe you just weren’t ready to let go of him no matter how much your mind told you to run, run, run as far as possible, your heart was still chanting for you to stay, stay and stay as close to him as possible.

“Those damn feelings of ours got us here. Can’t you understand? It would never work,” you remarked, not denying anything he had said because you were sure that he would be able to read you.

“I’m not the type to give up,” he breathed out, his whisper-like words becoming one with the cacophony of your heartbeats, the ragged breathing of yours and the dim music coming from the bar. The way he was one with the darkness of the night in his all-black outfit, those midnight sky orbs and those pitch-black locks was both mysterious and beckoning. Your body wanted to touch him, to make sure that he was real, that he wasn’t just a foolish dream, a mere illusion, but Sejun was faster, and sealed your lips after you had just continued looking him in the eye instead of escaping his grip.

You wanted to deny your feelings, you wanted to run away so bad, but you wanted that kiss so bad, and you wanted him so bad, so you grabbed onto the hem of his leather jacket and pulled him closer, no turning back from here. You could feel the slight curl of his lips when you gave him the green light, but you decided to let him be cocky this once.

“Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you,” you told him when you came up for air, your lips still only an inch apart. Sejun let out an almost relieved laugh hearing that.

“As if your warning could scare me away,” he whispered, his touch almost feather-like when he touched your cheek, fingers caressing your heated skin. You rolled your eyes at him, semi-annoyed by his words, but you knew better than to disagree with him. You could argue with him for hours because he was right, he wasn’t one to give up, but you weren’t one to give up either.

After that, there was really no turning back, and actually, both Victon and Oneus for thankful for having crossed paths like this because even though they didn’t become one gang, they frequently joined each other for missions after Subin helped Xion out with some kind of a tracking system, and then you joined Seungwoo and Sejun for an investigation mission. It was a win-win for both groups, and honestly, it was a win-win for you and Sejun, too.

It turned out that there was no end to this game until you eventually became the winners instead of losing everything.

#victon ff

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