Butting in on @wanderingquill and @skip-supports-ships 's au
Newt knew some people reacted strangely to the animals at his zoo. A harried reptile house keeper looked horrified when a child climbed into a locked snake exhibit, there were reports of one man performing a heartfelt rendition of "Hakuna Matata" to a family of prairie dogs. Now Newt was witnessing someone's mental breakdown in front of the echidna exhibit at two in the morning. He had just wanted to check in on everyone for the night...
"Just gimme those back so I can cuddle the stripey-meows." The well-dressed and quite drunk man cried. Newt blinked slowly, not sure where to start with that. The man sighed and rested his head against Cooper's information plaque. Newt had had issues with Cooper picking up soda tabs, keys, and once a visitor's camera--the little kleptomanic kept wriggling through the busted hinge on his door. That really should be fixed, but first he needed to pay the bills. Then Frank's vet bills, Petunia needed to be vaccinated, the tiger's tire needed replacing...Newt frowned as the list kept growing. He loved his job and the creatures were all precious to him down to the dung beetles, but they just didn't have enough money to cover everything.
"Hah, gotcha!" The triumphant cry broke Newt out of his tailspin and he rushed to the exhibit. The man was hunched over, fingers working on the small lumpy form on his lap.
"Unhand him at once!" The man jumped and Cooper slid down his lap, scurrying up Newt's blue lab coat to hide in a wide pocket. A shiny ring of keys fell off his spines and landed by Newt's shoe. He carefully bent over to pick them up, only to clunk his head against the intruder's. Blinking the stars out of hus eyes, Newt felt his anger rising. How dare this man break in and start accosting his puggle! Cooper was a bit of an imp but he was a sweetheart!
"Yer pre'y." The man slurred dreamily. "But I wanna go see the tiggers." He lurched to his feet and began stumbling towards the big cat section. Newt got over his brief embarrassment, remembering his initial purpose here.
"H-hold right there," he demanded. The man looked around before turning and pointing at himself. As if there was anyone else here! Newt frowned, Momma instincts rising. "You have no business wandering about here and scaring my poor babies out of their minds. Now leave at once or I shall call the authorities." They stared at one another before the intruder broke the silence.
"Yer nah juss pretty, yer gorjus!" he beamed. The alcohol was clearly taking over his system. He swayed dangerously but still tried to take a step forward. It was almost comical, a man falling flat on his face like that, but Newt was a bit too frazzled to appreciate it. Cooper peeked out of his pocket and began niffling about for treats. Growls picked up, sending the echidna back into its pouch.
"Oh my." Newt gasped as he realized the sounds of a rhinoceros with congestion were actually snores from the man in front of him. He could just leave him here, but no telling what trouble he'd get into when he woke again. Biting his lip, Newt weighed his options. He could probably lift the man into one of the staff carts and dump him in the break room.
The keys fell again when the stranger was moved and Newt realized they weren't keys, rather a set of lock picks. He glared down at the unconscious brute hanging off his shoulder and wondered what on earth he had been planning. Perhaps he was dumped in the break room a bit too roughly, but given the hangover in store for him later, Newt doubted the man would notice. Humming cheerfully he made sure to open the curtains by his guest before going back to his research notes. At least one of them would appreciate the bright morning sun streaming in.
