(written from a prompt from @violetsunshine “Mac is hospitalized for whatever reason, they're not sure he's going to make it. One of the gang tells Dennis he needs to give it up & tell Mac how he really feels, what they all already know before it's too late. Does Mac hear? Does he respond/recover?? You tell me man.”)
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Everything moved too fast. Life was too fast. Dennis’ brain...sometimes it was just too fast. Until it wasn’t. Just as quick, everything was able to turn on it’s side and change forever. And in those moments, everything stood still.
Lights. Lights and sirens, those sensations were dominant in Dennis’ head when he first woke up. It made no sense and everything smelled like disinfectant and the room was too bright and he missed his own dingy apartment and Mac...Mac.
He remembered the car, the impact, but he couldn’t remember looking over at Mac.
As much as he’d be quick to say he didn’t care about it all, when faced with the scenario after the moment their lives changed, he did.
He cared so much.
At first, it was so easy to admit, because it was fresh. Mac was dying, potentially, and it was now or never. And he knew, oh he knew for the last twenty years, but he was owning up to it. Dennis loved him, he really did. Mac was his everything and faced with a life without him...it was too much. But then Mac didn’t wake up. Not the first day, not the second day, not the third.
Dennis was ready to tell him, tell him once he opened those beautiful brown eyes, that a life without him just wasn’t worth it, and he was sorry for not watching that stoplight and for not looking at him before everything went black, because now he knew, before he died, Mac should be the last thing he thinks about. He always should have been.
But Mac was waiting. Why all this waiting? Mac was holding out on him or something, making him have to wait till he woke up so he could confess everything, drawing out the suspense. It was all about the drama with him.
Dennis didn’t leave the hospital, and he ignored the sympathetic looks from the nurses, and refused to listen to the doctor’s suggestions. Mac was being a stubborn asshole, but he wasn’t dying. Goddamnit he wasn’t dying.
Charlie and Dee and Frank, they all stayed as long as they could, turns out they cared about Mac a little after all too. They never said much, Charlie cried, but Dennis pretended not to see. He couldn’t see that, because he knew the reason Charlie was crying.
“Dennis,” Dee had come to him on the fourth day, handing him a muffin and a cup of coffee. It was in the morning he thought, time sort of became a secondhand thing in that hospital. Her eyes were possibly sadder than he’d ever remembered seeing them before, and after getting caught in their gaze once, he refused to look at her again, “I think-”
“Stop it,” he said, voice impossibly tired, “Stop. Don’t say it. This isn’t happening. He just needs more time. We need more time.”
Dee sighed, “Just...don’t wait too long. It’s only going to get harder, Dennis.”
Dennis ignored her comment and she left. She couldn’t just come in here and tell him that it was time to let go. He wasn’t just going to give up on him like that.
The coffee grew cold, and the muffin became less than appetizing while Dennis leaned back against the window, watching the machines monitoring Mac’s heart rate. It’s all his eyes could handle looking at.
After some time passed, hours, minutes, he still couldn’t be sure, he took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of the hospital bed, gaze turned to the view outside the window. It was a nice day. Sunny, not a cloud in sight.
“Mac, come on. I need you, you know I can’t do this without you. Life...just, god, you’re my spark, man. Without you nothing’s gonna make sense, and I know it’s my fault,” Dennis’ voice cracked and he reached out for Mac’s hand, just holding it, because he knew Mac would like that, “Fuck, it’s all my fault. I got fucking stitches and you’re dying…”
Dennis let his fingers trail upwards, tracing the tattoo on Mac’s forearm.
“You can’t d-, no...please...don’t die. I can’t say goodbye,” he whispered, looking at Mac’s face. He looked peaceful. His hair was loose and falling into his forehead, and the scrapes and bruises were beginning to heal. Dennis shook his head, “Maybe you can, maybe you’re ready, but I’m not. And I’m a selfish son of a bitch, Mac, you know that.”
He glanced towards the room’s door, and seeing no one, he carefully laid down on the very edge of the bed, careful to avoid the wires and tubes. Just to lay beside him, to be close.
“But..in case you are...I need you to-” Dennis felt more fragile than he was ever able to recall, and moving a few strands of dark hair away from Mac’s face caused his eyes to brim with big fat tears, “I love you. I should be telling you this and watching your eyes, I want to kiss you and I want to hear you say, I love you too. I want the things you want, I want to be with you, I want to have sex, and sleep in the same bed again, but just the two of us this time, I want to fall asleep with your arms around me and I want to kiss you before you brush your teeth in the morning, I want those little things with you. But, if we don’t get that, Mac...I need you to know it. You can’t leave without knowing how much I love you.”
He could feel his heart breaking when he was met with the same steady beeps from before, and he closed his eyes, the thin hospital sheets becoming damp beneath his cheek. For once, everything was too damn slow.
I'm in the middle of season 7 & Keppler was annoying, then finally started to grow on me. Then in one episode he's given this crazy tragic backstory & killed?? Wtf CSI?😭
lol i know right!? to be fair it’s like they sort of crammed a season’s worth of development for him into four episodes lol
Nothing is more important than being in amidst the soul of a sunshine... 💛🌞 #lovelivesunshine #sunshinesmile #sunshineandhappiness #violetsunshine #savannablairsunshine #familiasweetie https://www.instagram.com/p/B0b4vldJDla/?igshid=1hpvpt83t1d94
Thank you so much for all your Nick content - fics, headcanons, gifs, etc! I am watching CSI for the first time (currently in season 4) & I love him so much. I love your posts that listed his best eps by season so I know which ones to look forward to! I'm sorry you're feeling down so I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate your blog. Rest & feel better 💟💟💟💟💟
a;ldkjas thank you!! i’m glad you’re enjoying your CSI journey so far, it just gets better from there :)
Most people love Amok Time & I do too BUT I adore the Tholian Web episode. Such drama with Bones & Spock, all they both want is Jim back 😭 Also as my own personal headcannon, I always picture Jim being a little damaged emotionally but good at hiding it (prob too much AOS Tarsus fanfic lol) but Spock sees it all & understands & loves him thru it which constantly surprises Jim. 💖💖💖💖
yes!! that is a beautiful episode because they show their love for kirk in such different ways :’( and it’s a happy ending because they get him back
yes!! i do too!! oh my god how did you read my mind? I’m writing a series of codas for tos right now and that’s exactly what i had in mind as on overarching theme…. :o thank u so much for reminding me of this beautiful thing
my name is erin. favorite color = purple. favorite ship @ the moment would be stiles/lydia from teen wolf. favorite ice cream = mint chocolate chip. I have a couple kitties & am actually fostering 7 kittens right now that will be up for adoption soon :) And, just want to say you have good taste in dresses!!
