Hey. I know it's been a minute, but just so you know, it wasn't anything personal or on purpose. I tried calling after it happened, but I just couldn't work up the courage to tell you over the phone, so I'm doing it in a letter. It's more pussy, I know, but it's the best I got.
I had a heart attack a few weeks ago. Now before you start breaking down walls, it was a mild one and I'm fine..well after a little surgery to remove some blockage. I was taking steroids for a while, trying to keep up with workouts and everything. This athlete shit's a lot harder for somebody like me to keep up with, compared to guys who have been doing this since they were like 5 and pushed at it by their asshole dads trying to live through their kids or moms looking for their kid to be their meal ticket. But I'm getting that it was still no excuse. I stopped a while ago, but the damage was done to my heart. I got into a..kinda fight with Drew Torres, he hit my chest and that basically caused it. But don't blame him, alright? If it wasn't him, it could have been something pushing down on my chest too hard. It's nobody fault but mine. Hell, if anything, he saved my life, stayed there until the ambulance came and called Vanessa. Lucky stuff.
I feel..different since then. I keep to myself, unless Lola wants to hang out (and we'll talk about that situation more when I see you in person again, heh), and I'm just trying to get back to normal. But laying in that hospital bed, I just felt like I could have really died. How do you go back to being normal after that? I swear, I heard mom's voice before I passed out and it was like..calming. Like I wasn't scared to die if I had to. Maybe that's a good thing? I'm not sure...
Aunt V was pissed and upset..but I told her how I was feeling and why I did what I did, so she decided if I saw a therapist once a week for a bit, she'd be at ease again. I'm going on Saturday, but man, that all seems like crap to me. I don't need somebody that hasn't seen the shit I've seen poking around in my head. I'll try to fake it, but who knows. Ugh, it sucks. Kinda spooked Jaden some..so I'll try to do less of that for the kid's sake.
Anyway, this is getting kinda long so I'll wrap it up. I'll see you soon man, and don't be acting all pussy on me handling me like I'm made of glass or something. I'm still T, man. Always.Â