#vocation story

[fear-not-beloved]

When I was born I almost died. God had a different plan for me. He said you’re mine, follow Me. Following Jesus. It’s been a beautiful journey. Three of the most important moments of my life: Postulancy-Novitiate-Final Vows. Today Jesus is choosing me again. Today I am choosing to stop running. I am choosing to follow Him again. He knows my heart, my desires, my longings. He will make a way. Not for my will, but for His. Choose Jesus. Follow Him. It’s worth it.

[eryllecordero-blog]

Life is a joyous journey – a road towards God. In this life, there are long and short roads, smooth and rocky ways, crooked and straight paths. Many roads would come as a person journeys through life. There are roads that lead to fame and fortune on one hand, or isolation and poverty on the other. There are roads to happiness as there are roads to sadness, roads toward victory and delight, and roads leading to defeat and disappointment. Just like any road, there are corners, detours, and crossroads in life. It is the person journeying that chooses which path he would take. In one’s personal journey towards his “goals”, road signs are inevitable. They are there as substantial help so as to reach his aims in a more efficient way. They work as a guide to lead the person where he chooses to be. In my pilgrimage towards Jesus, there are those influential persons who became my “road signs”. When I am nowhere to be found, they offer guidance; stressed, they give comfort; confused, they recommend simplification. God must be very generous to me for bestowing abundant caring parsons that continuously help me towards Him. Among the caring persons in my journey, I consider my parents as my first “road sign”. In my early childhood years, I could still vividly remember that during Sundays, we go as one family and attend the Holy Mass. My father would be in the front – at the side of the altar serving as an acolyte and lector. My mother and I would seat near the choir loft so as to join in singing. I remember admiring how my mother would silently kneel and fervently pray before the mass. Prayer is very much indispensable in how they raise me as their child. They would not just “speak” of its advantages but they themselves would pray earnestly so as to teach me its importance. This “awesome” family activity of conversing with the Lord inculcated in young mind the value of trust. My mother would constantly remind me to put all my fears, joys, and wants to God through prayer. My parents would constantly hear my prayer before going to sleep. It is through their selfless act of care and guidance that which develop my character. It is through their faith-in-motion that made me realized the importance of being a “good boy”. Being real parents, they taught me about what is right and wrong, to distinguish between them and to choose the good. Rearing a child to become a good priest is a vocation. Yet, there is no school that teaches one how to become as effective parents for him. But despite the absence of a formal teaching in parenting, good parents manage to raise their son to pursue this chosen vocation. It must be God’s grace and guidance of the Holy Spirit that help parents to be able to give what is best for their son’s vocation. Parenting involves more than just the meeting of the sperm cell and the egg cell. It involves a certain level of readiness in all aspects of one’s personality. This includes physical, emotional, social, intellectual, spiritual and moral character. Parenting is a lifelong responsibility. It is more than just providing for a child’s physical needs like food, shelter and clothing. It is providing tender, loving care. Bringing up a son to be a priest is a heavy cross to bear. It involves a real sense of sacrifice in both sides of the parents. They must be a great source of strength and perseverance for the child to deepen his vocation. A dedicated life for prayer must be their center. This includes going to mass, praying the rosary and having a deep intimate relationship with God through prayer in a regular basis. I do believe that the examples of my parents are the primary roots of my vocation to the priesthood. Implicitly, they cultivated my inner desire to be with Jesus. They did not push me to enter the seminary; my parents vivified the possible first steps toward the road to Jesus, one of which is priesthood. When I was in Grade V, I became a member of the Altar Servers of our Parish at Narvacan. I literally enjoyed the firsthand experience of serving in the Holy Eucharist. Back then, I thought that it is better way of participating in the Mass than setting beside my family. A year later, through the encouragement of my parish priest, Fr. Vicente Avila, I decided to undergo the processes needed to enter the Minor Seminary in Vigan. Unfortunately, I was not able to pass the entrance examination. However, with the grace of God I believe, He used Fr. Vet to intervene with the decision of the Seminary formators so as to accept me to study there. The Rector back then, Fr. Arthur Amian, considered me. Seminary life was my baptism of fire. It is where I had defined what first time really means; from studying my lessons alone to the development of athletic skills, from singing to the playing of instruments, from being intrapersonal to the being interpersonal, from being the boss to the being a follower. When I was in the Minor Seminary, my formators really emphasized the value of prudence as a primary battle gear in acquiring self-discipline. Fr. Felix Costales most of the time reminded us of his favorite line, “do the right thing at the right time in place with the right disposition”, whenever we had a rector’s conference. Fr. Amador Foz highlighted the importance of prayer in our day to day living. They also gave due importance on being hard working and studious. From my College Seminary, the formators, most especially Fr. Adalbert Barut, urged us to make San Pablo “the best seminary in the world.” He said that to be able to reach that goal we aimed at the seminary - we must be the best seminarians first. And to be the best seminarians ourselves, we must improve daily. In my stay in San Pablo Seminary, I envision myself to be fully human: loving, integrated, responsive, authentic disciple of Christ, fully directed and motivated to pursue the vocation to the priesthood. I consider it as my road sign towards my Ultimate Good. However, the needed commitment toward this goal is not easy; it is not just a walk in the park. There were those moments wherein I fell short towards my goal. The most hurting experience I had was the result of my evaluation after my second year of stay in the College Seminary. In the end of the school year, my formators recommended me to undergo regency. I was evaluated to possess hide-and-seek mentality, authority hung-up, and laziness. Our Vocation Director back then was Rev. Fr. Lester Plana. He assigned me in Cervantes, Ilocos Sur, for a year of exposure there. It was a blessing in disguise because I was not only helped in how to deal with the said issues; it was also a moment of consciousness awakening to the realities of the life of a priest. Through the examples of Fr. Ernesto Juarez, Jr. and Fr. Ramelle Rigunay, I realized that the life of the priest is not easy most especially when he is really concern with the social realities of the faithful. Yet, I’ve come to appreciate the social and spiritual importance of a priest. Moreover, when I was able to encounter and live with the poorest of the poor and the oppressed in Cervantes that I have come to realize the value of this vocation to the faithful. I witness how the priest became a source of inspiration and hope for the downtrodden. My Regency was primary event that made me affirm that priesthood is where my heart really belongs. I experienced peace within that I was not able to see any place else. Indeed, I was able to appreciate the importance of this vocation on the brink of losing it. I saw and experienced personally the hardship of the life of a pastor through my priests-companion. Yet, I was neither alarmed nor panicked by the difficulties of priestly life. In fact, my enthusiasm to follow Jesus’ footsteps was even strengthened because of the reward it will offer, Jesus Christ. However, when I thought that I would really pursue priesthood straightforward, Ms. ______ came into my life. We became friends when I was in third year philosophy and entered an exclusive relationship the year after. This was the major crossroad in my life. Confusion came to me. I cannot decide whether to continue my vocation journey or to take another path, the path towards married life. I cannot have the best of both worlds. Firm decision must be made. Well, it was not an easy task back then! Yet, my heart dictated that it is best at peace in the road towards priesthood. Indeed, leaving Ms. ______ behind was the most hurting experience I had in my seminary journey. But then, I remain firm and contented with the choice I made. My desire to become a priest leaded me now to the road of Immaculate Conception School of Theology. The demands of seminary formation here require a lot of physical, mental, psychological, and spiritual efforts and sacrifices. They are not easily done because my whole being is necessitated to participate. Yet, I consider my present life here as joyous and gratifying. Even if there are some moments that the demands are hard to bear, I am still able to smile. This smile shows that I am at peace in the seminary. Being here fills up my heart’s deepest desire to stay close with the Lord and serve Him. Seminary life cultivates in me the values of a true pastor modelled in the Person of Jesus Christ. Here, I am being formed spiritually, intellectually, pastorally, and humanly so as to be ready to the demands of priesthood. Moreover, seminary life deepens my confidence to God’s will that I may function well as a refined human person. I consider the help of the Holy Spirit as the primary agent of formation. I am also aware that I should take full responsibility of all my actions in this life of formation. This is what I would like to envision my vocation as priest to be – a life of service to God and His people towards Salvation, Kingdom of God, Heaven, Jesus. However, looking at myself right now, I see myself still not worthy to be a priest. I have my own weaknesses, struggles, and failures. Yet, I do believe in the grace of God. I put everything under His fraternal grace – I surrender everything under His care. Above all, I do believe that He will never leave me, that I could draw inspiration and strength from Him as long as I open myself and do participate well to His will. Hence, if I will persevere in reforming myself, He will grant me the Grace needed for the ministry that I aspire towards the Kingdom. I'm pretty sure that the path towards the priesthood is where He wants me to be. Well, I'm not a perfect seminarian. I'm struggling to be one. I'd like to be one. I fall very short of my own expectations of myself. However, I'm so sure that God is faithful and patient. I'm very sure that He is going to see me through! And that realization keeps me going in this journey.

[thoughtful-contradictions]

my vocations story

     So for those of you who don't know I'm in seminary at Blessed John Paul II Seminary in Washington D.C. and my vocation story goes a little something like this:     My uncle was ordained a priest when I was eight years old, but the thing that attracted me to the priesthood at that age was not the fact that my uncle was a priest, it was what I witnessed the candidates for priesthood do at their ordination. 

    There is this part of the ordination where the candidates for ordination have to prostrate themselves on the floor of the basilica. Even at this young age I recognized the beautiful symbolicness of this act, that they were in essence laying down their lives before the church, and Christ himself. This left an impression on me that remains with me to this day.

    When I turned eleven I was faced with one of the first major challenges to my faith. My sister was diagnosed with leukemia, I had to watch her deteriorate for three years before my eyes. I experienced a serious separation from not only her, but also my mother because she had to live with my sister in the hospital until my sister recovered (my sister is better today, she is pursuing her RN at community college, and thank God her cancer has been in remission for about 9 years). In the beginning of her illness I began to pray a rosary every night and often fell asleep with it in my hands. This was when I first felt I may be called to the priesthood, so I went on several vocational retreats in middle school, and one in high school.

    As I got older and entered high school my faith took a back burner in my life as began to get absorbed in the more worldly things. I was more interested in dating girls, and hanging out with my friends, the typical high school kind of stuff. At the end of high school I had made my own mind up about what I wanted to do, I was going to go to college, join an ROTC battalion and come out of college as an officer in the Army. I applied to three colleges and got into Salisbury for the Spring semester of 2012, which meant I was going to spend my first semester of college at community college.

     Unfortunately, near the end of my high school career I stopped hanging out with my usual group of friends because I was working a restaurant job on the weekends. Consequently we began to drift apart and I found another group of friend that were not the best people. They partied a lot and all that kind of stuff...

    As I entered into community college I began to hang out with those kids a lot more, and while my grades and family life remained pretty good my faith was suffering. Eventually I left for Salisbury feeling pretty lost, but not really caring enough to do anything about it. I ended up not going into ROTC but just pursuing a History degree, with no real goals.

    I ended up having a re-conversion to the faith after one of my history teachers proclaimed in front of the class one day that "Jesus Christ probably didn't exist". This sparked something inside of me that began to make me start exploring my faith a bit more. It was really odd because I would be walking around campus in between classes, and I would randomly kind of think, "hmm... I wonder what it would be like if I was in seminary next year." or "Man, I wonder if I will ever have to explain this to my formators." It was really weird to think that stuff because every time it entered into my mind I kind of laughed at it, like yeah right! Priesthood is definitely not for me!      As I began to explore my faith and search for answers I had the desire for the priesthood arise up in me again. This time I took it to heart a little more and thought, "Well I definitely don't want to enter seminary yet... but what if I went to school in Rome, Italy and kind of explored the roots of my faith first hand?" Kind of crazy right?        Well I actually set out doing it! haha... unfortunately I kind of screwed it up.. I was still hanging out with the wrong crowd and got into some trouble.       Long story short, I stopped hanging out with those kids, and began taking my faith a lot more seriously. I started attending daily mass every morning, and I began to rethink my whole "I'm going to study in Italy" idea.

    I ended up moving to Southern Maryland through the help of my uncle. I landed a pretty decent landscaping job, and I worked out a living situation with these fellows who lived on a farm. I ended up living with these three guys on a farm, the youngest of the gentleman had autism and had to take care of his dad with leukemia and dementia, consequently he couldn't take care of his house very well, and was pretty much a hoarder. The last fellow was a 73 year old guy who was just a renter there. 

   Anyways my job in the house was to clean it and make sure the dishes are done everyday (they didn't have a dishwasher so I had to wash all of them by hand everyday after working 8-10 hrs at my landscaping job). It was a very humbling experience because I was serving others and working my butt off. I was attending daily mass, weekly adoration, and I was basically a teachers aid for a CCD class. 

   After two months of living there I got a spiritual director, which was awesome. I was then making strides in my spiritual life. I started going to a youth group that was very far south of where I lived, but they taught awesome classes. One was a philosophy class on phenomenology and the other was a politics class. Both classes had a teacher come in from the local Catholic High School. The classes allowed me for the first time in a long time to really think about what my faith really meant, both politically speaking and philosophically. 

    During that lent I was praying a rosary every day and one day during the last weeks of Lent I was saying a rosary in the chapel. As I prayed I was meditating on the mysteries of the rosary. I had an amazing encounter with Christ, as clearly as you are reading this I understood it was time to enter into seminary. Its really hard to describe what happened, but it will have to suffice to say that I just knew it was time. I didn't hear a voice or something, but it was as clear as if I had heard a voice say, "Its time to enter seminary!" So I began my application process.

    The funny thing was that I didn't really think I was ready, I was going to give it another year, maybe date a good catholic girl. Well God had different plans for me!

    After working the landscaping job for nine months I ended up working for my spiritual director over the summer. I was living with another family closer to his parish. This family needed some help desperately, the father of the family who was in his late 30's was terminally ill from cancer. He had three children the youngest of which was 3 years old. So they allowed me to live in their basement and I tried to help out around the house as much as I could.

    After several months of working for my spiritual director, I had a pretty good idea of what priest did. I was working for him every day except for Wednesdays from 6am- usually 11pm. It was a very draining, but I loved the work! Sick calls, youth groups, hospital visits, lots of prayer, serving in masses. It was awesome. 

    Unfortunately, the father of the family I was staying with died. It was really upsetting.. After the funeral the family decided to go on with some previously made plans to go on a road trip to the Grand canyon. It was probably the right thing to do, it would get their minds off things for a while.. So I watched their house for several months while they were on their trip.

    I ended up getting accepted into seminary in June, just three days before my birthday. 

    Anyways just to summarize it all up, I was discerning for about nine or ten months before I began to apply. and I was accepted about twelve months from when I moved to Southern MD. 

    I now attend BJP II seminary, and I'm the happiest I've been in my whole life. Its a beautiful thing to be following God's will, and I feel very privileged to be allowed to attend seminary and to more deeply discern my possible call to the priesthood. It sometimes makes me want to cry how beautiful the mercy of God is, that He would pull me out of where I was in my life, and call me into seminary. Praise be to Jesus Christ! 

  Godbless

      -Kevin

[srhelena-ofmary]