finally had a breakdown right in front of my mother and I don't think I can do this any more I don't think I can keep waving my arms keep desperately whispering "please notice me" and everything moving past me faster than I can keep up and i started screaming and SCREAMING
there's so much advice and I'm paralysed by all these choices and my brain is buzzing all the time trying to keep track of what I have to do should be doing MUST be doing and I don't do any of it and it all seems insurmountable and why does it matter because I'll fail anyway
I remember when I tried to obtain a visa to try and work in the USA as a voice actor. The very first thing my mother told me was "Don't be surprised if you fail". And I did. I did fail. My application fell through. I wasn't good enough. I wasn't AMAZING enough.
I'm so tired of being me. I screamed and screamed and screamed and I think I've let most of it out now but what can I do but keep continuing this pointless path to nowhere and nothing and dying alone and forgotten because I didn't this ONE SIMPLE TRICK to achieve PROPER SUCCESS
23 years. 23 years to this very month if my super old AVA website is to be believed. What a waste of time. What a waste of FUCKING time. What a completely meaningless worthless timesink that I could have been better off doing something else ANYTHING else than this
