I dedicate every thousandth post to one of my closest Tumblr friends. The last thousand went to my friend, Dustin, but this one is for Korban. He's perfect, and I want you guys to know it! Korban. Ahhh, Korban. I don't even remember how he and I met. I just recall that he began following me and I started following him back and it was all history from there. I don't even remember the first messages we exchanged. I feel like ti was so long ago. I do remember, though, that we used kik that first night we met, and it was a struggle night for both of us. We were both so done, you know, and he messaged me and I gave him this analogy. This crazy, whimsical, random analogy, where I compared life to skating. I told him that some days, like is like an ollie, some days it's like a kick flip, and some days it's like some other crazy trick that I mentioned, and I had this explanation of each and it all made sense. It looped around into how life gets frustrating but you have to keep going because when you get really good at it, it gets easier, like skating. He loved it, I think. He was like, Wow, I never thought of it that way, you're right.
Later on, I messaged him on Tumblr in his ask box. It was supposed to be anonymous, but I was a dumb ass and I didn't anon it, so I sent it and he answered it. It was about me being tired and finished and sick of living, and he said to me, "Remember what you told me earlier? You have to be strong, you have to take things one day at a time." And I've sort of been pushing through that for awhile now, just thinking of that message.
Korban and I continued to kind of push our relationship forward. It went from us talking every so often, me just checking in on him or asking if he's alright, to him seeing one of my things on Tumblr and asking if I'm okay, to now...now, we talk every single day, without fail. We aren't always by our phones, and we (well, ONE OF US!!!!!) isn't always sober, and we're hardly ever happy, but we're there for each other and we both know it. We don't get back right away, but we're there in spirit and that's what matters. I'm going to start crying now, I can tell, haha. Um, Korban and I have been through a lot. He stresses me out, and I do the same to him. Sometimes he'll message me and be like, I did something horrible, and I'll sit and cry for hours and just hope he'll be okay. But he always is, and I'm always with him through those times. He knows it. I'm so glad to be able to say that I've found someone who's so amazing to be able to call my friend. I really care about Korban. He's absolutely perfect to me in every way.
I remember once, we were talking, and I told him I'd always be there for him, no matter what. His response just kind of took me aback because I didn't really expect him to react like that. He just said one word, but it almost hurt me because I know how many times he'd have had to have been hurt to say it: "Promise?" I was like, wow. Wow, he's really so amazing. I told him I promised, forever and always, and a little alter on down the road a similar conversation came up. I told him how perfect I thought he was, because he was having a rough time, and he said that he isn't. He basically told me that he wanted me to go and leave him, but I was a little confused. He said that's not what he meant, and that people start off thinking he's amazing but then they see how messed up he is and they leave. But sweetheart, I'm not like that. I will never, ever do that. Because I've made my promise. I've told you once and I'll tell you a million more times: to me, you are perfect, you are my friend, and you are incredible to me. I could not ask for a better friend than you, and I will never leave you. Twenty years from now, you can call my cell phone and say, "Katie? Can I ask you for your help?" And I will respond without skipping a beat with "Of course you can, sweetheart." Because we are friends, and to me, friendship is for life.
I'm going to visit Korban in the middle of June, and I'm so excited. He lives in Utah, while I live in Pennsylvania, and I'm so excited to finally meet this amazing, spectacular boy that I'm so grateful to have in my life. June 12th will be the best day of our entire lives, because we're going to have so much fun and go everywhere and do everything while we have the chance, because that day is just us. June 12th. I'm just holding everything off for that day, and I'm so excited. I can't wait to see him and just run up to him and hug him, because I've wanted to for so long now and I'm so lucky to have the opportunity to then. I can't wait, and I've never been more excited for a day in my entire life.
Korban, if you read this, I want you to know that I love you. You are so incredibly strong, and the things that we've talked about and said (like how we're going to work together to be an emergency surgeon and a mortician - you'll send me the patients you couldn't save, and we'll both benefit from the whole), and the pinky promises we've made, and the letters we've sent back and forth, and the days we've talked all day and the days we've saved each others' lives are all so important to me. (I'm crying now, again, haha) You have such a special place in my heart and there is no possible way I could ever forget you. Even if we end up going separate ways, I'll always think of you from time to time and I can promise you that because you're so perfect to me. You're an amazing, sweet, genuine, kindhearted boy with a beautiful soul and a perfect, flawless character. And for that, I thank you for everything you've ever done for me. For the nights you've stayed up with me studying, for the times you've messaged me and asked me to "show you," from the times you've sent me a picture of your pinky and asked me to make a promise to you. You mean so much more to me than anyone else in the world, and you're incredible. If anything were to happen to you, you would kill a part of me, because you're so, so important to me and my life.
Thank you so much for simply being you. You're amazing to me, babydoll, and for that, I love you so much. Thank you for being my friend. ♡
