I guess I’ve just become a new kind of basic
How strange
I uh. Kinda wanna kill myself more now?
Like I knew I wasn’t special. Fucking duh. But. I guess I’m just another cookie cutter but even worse bc I’m a broke and lame depressed one so I can’t even accomplish what I want to
Gah the more I talk to people the more I hate them.
If I wasn’t so fucking horny things would be fine
I could just avoid all people forever.
But sexual desire is a thing and fuck I’m always craving it. Once a week just isn’t enough.
But I guess my life is always gonna suck unless I start the drugs again (oh hush, pharma drugs. The legal ones)
I hope things work out with some of these poly people. The men are meh but I’ll take it for the attention. And their women are bangin so there’s a little hope. There’s one chick who does shibari ties and I sooo wanna get in on that.
Speaking of Shibari, tried to get vott into it, but apparently he’s a bottom. So there goes that. But meh maybe a new partner.
One of his friends suggested I “dominate” him to “get [my] power back” but meh I can’t top him and if I tie him I’m just gonna do it to get him to stop pestering me. He thought I’d want to peg him! Uh. No. But thanks I guess. He was really worried about it and like, all the more reason why I couldn’t do it. Doing a bad doesn’t erase a bad. No to “get my power back” I want him to tie me up, I want him to take 100% control where I can’t fight it. And I want him to hold me and caress me and kiss me. I want his total respect. And then he can have whatever he wants. I can’t take control of a situation where the other person is so much stronger than me, AND not willing to go easy, AND someone I can’t hurt. Having someone semi-willingly submit to me does nothing but knowing that I can let someone take control like that and they won’t harm me? That actually matters. Anyone who wants to can take over and do whatever they want. I want someone who wants to be kind














