KARKAT: =After that semi-decent shitshow of a company get together comes the walk of shame back to his apartment. It was fine sure, but Sollux had also scratched his arm like the little shit he was and Karkat was well on his way to put some antiseptic on these puncture wounds because who even knew what Sollux had festering under his nails= DAVE: -Then it's a good a time as any to hang outside the canplex with his box of leftovers. Like shit was Dave going to turn down free food he didn't have cook. Of course, this meant sharing some hamburger with a stray cat. The human is sitting by the curb of the road, still dressed as he was before except he was actually wearing his jacket when he spots... yep. That sure was Karkat.- DAVE: i know you -says finally, nabbing a tomato slice into his mouth.- shup -muffled.- KARKAT: =Is the stray cat Nepeta? If so he'll give them both a wide berth. But it's probably a literal stray cat so he fearlessly makes his way to the canplex, eyeballing his shitty neighbor= KARKAT: YES YOU DO UNFORTUNATELY FOR THE BOTH OF US. =Well. He can make idly conversation= KARKAT: HAD A GOOD TIME SCORING FREE FOOD? DAVE: uh yeah DAVE: did you -eyes him, as much as it's possible with shades... at night. This was a thing but he doesn't seem to care. Continues breaking off tiny pieces of hamburger and feeding it to the cat. It nom.- KARKAT: =Goddamn that's adorable= KARKAT: AS MUCH FUN AS I CAN HAVE WHEN A TWIG IS SINKING ITS THORNS INTO MY ARM AND JABBING ME WITH POINTY BITS. KARKAT: BUT SURE, IT WAS GOOD TO AT LEAST PUT MYSTERIOUS NAMES TO FACES. DAVE: i mean it looked like yall were friends -Whoops, the twang slipped out. Stuffs it back down immediately.- DAVE: whats a bite between bros my dude DAVE: just a bite DAVE: you cool? KARKAT: =Eyeballs that twang= KARKAT: SURE, BROS. KARKAT: IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO CALL THAT CLUSTERFUCK OF AN EMBARRASSING ASSOCIATIONSHIP THEN BE MY GUEST. DAVE: is it gonna be a thing like DAVE: is security going to have to step into the ring and referee that shit DAVE: im asking in case i need to bring my whistle with me -scritches kitty between ears- KARKAT: NO, SECURITY WILL PROBABLY GET HURT IN THE PROCESS. KARKAT: BESIDES IT NEVER LASTS LONG AND IT'S HARDLY A FIGHT. KARKAT: IT'S MORE LIKE ME MANHANDLING SOLLUX AND SOLLUX PITCHING A BITCHFIT. DAVE: i get the manhandling part DAVE: i dont get the there will be blood part i guess DAVE: then again trolls are hells of more extreme about some stuff DAVE: say you want a slice of cake or something then shank DAVE: theres a fucking trident in the middle of the table DAVE: holy shit DAVE: zero chill -nibbling a small piece of stale burger bun.- DAVE: thats just the kind of shit im gonna be working with so DAVE: looking forward to it KARKAT: OK NO. KARKAT: THAT'S A WILDLY IGNORANT STATEMENT AND I'M GOING TO TELL YOU EXACTLY WHY. KARKAT: TROLLS ARE MORE DURABLE AS A SPECIES THAN HUMANS, EVEN WITH OUR VARIOUS PHYSIOLOGICAL CASTE DIFFERENCES AND I'M SURE SOME MUTATIONS FROM MAGIC EXPOSURE HAVE CAUSED A LARGER SPECTRUM OF VULNERABILITIES BUT STILL WE WERE BUILT TO BE ROUGH AND TUMBLE. KARKAT: OUR SOCIETIES WERE MORE OR LESS FORMED ON THE BASIS OF SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST AND THAT SURE AS HELL MEANT THAT YOU PLAYED ROUGH WITH THE OTHER KIDS IN YOUR LAWNRING SECTOR AND ANOTHER REASON WHY RING SECTORS WERE TRADITIONALLY CASTE SEPARATED. KARKAT: HUMANS HAD A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE TOO, SURE BUT THEY DIDN'T EXACTLY HAVE THE CLAWS AND FANGS TO BE AS AGGRESSIVE WITH EACH OTHER AS THEY'D LIKE. KARKAT: MOSTLY YOUR EARLY WARS AND BATTLES DEPENDED ON WHO COULD MAKE AND WEILD THE BIGGEST STICK. KARKAT: WITH TROLLS YOU HAD TO BE HATCHED WITH IT. DAVE: shit yeah all that rough and tumble shit aint even up for debate DAVE: you see that guy equius DAVE: i dont know what he was fed as a kid but it sure wasnt the captain crunch shit i grew up with DAVE: and hes in my department DAVE: but no yeah i get where youre coming from with that shit DAVE: i think its fucked up no matter which side of the fence youre standing on DAVE: why everything has to be a competition at all when the worlds torn to fuck as it is without people wrecking themselves DAVE: its fucked as a system KARKAT: OH I SAW HIM. KARKAT: HE SEEMS LIKE ONE OF THOSE ASSHOLES WITH HIS HEAD UP HIS ASS ABOUT CASTE STILL WITH HOW HE BOWED TO FEFERI AND BASICALLY NO ONE ELSE. KARKAT: BUT HEY, THAT COULD BE A WILD ASSUMPTION. KARKAT: AND I GUESS SENTIENT BEINGS ARE JUST GOING TO ALWAYS COMPETE WITH OTHER SENTIENT BEINGS UNTIL SOME STRANGER THAT THREATENS BOTH PARTIES SHOWS UP AND MORE OR LESS FORCES THEM TO UNITE. KARKAT: THEN WHEN THEY'VE SUFFICIENTLY STOMPED THAT POWER INTO THE GROUND THEY'LL SHAKE HANDS, MAKE NICE FOR PROBABLY TWO DECADES THEN GET RIGHT BACK TO TRYING TO FUCK EACH OTHER OVER REGARDLESS OF THE LARGER PICTURE SITUATION THEY'RE LIVING IN. KARKAT: =shrugs= WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT WITHOUT DESPERATION PEOPLE AREN'T NOT GOING TO STOP TRYING TO FUCK WITH EACH OTHER. AND I DON'T HAVE TO DIG AROUND IN DUST FOR SIX HOURS TO FIGURE THAT OUT. DAVE: -snorts. Oh wow, an emote.- so thats what you do DAVE: dig in dirt DAVE: i remember reading that vaguely somewhere -tears off another tiny piece of bread. Cautious eating.- DAVE: that or egbert told me idfk KARKAT: JUST ANY KIND OF RUINED BUILDINGS THAT LOOK LIKE THEY'RE A BAD IDEA TO EXPLORE I FLING MYSELF INTO. KARKAT: BUT MORE OR LESS DIRT, DUST, AND SAND IN MY ASS. KARKAT: THAT'S MY WHOLE JOB. =watches him= KARKAT: =Is that the same hand he was petting that stray with? That's filthy= DAVE: -This cat is cleaner than- nah who is he kidding. Dave is a gross boy habits and all.- colorful DAVE: but cool DAVE: vantas the excavator DAVE: wonder what shit youre going to find DAVE: guess well find out DAVE: but youre going to have to tell me because thats where im at DAVE: or not im just the prick in security about to get in you and lispdicks business if he tries to pull more bullshit like that on the clock DAVE: smh KARKAT: =dISGUSTING= KARKAT: WELL YOU ARE THE PRICK IN SECURITY BUT IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING THAT INTERESTS YOU I CAN RUB IT IN YOUR FACE. LIKE. KARKAT: MAYBE SOMETHING... FROM ARKANSAS. =Pronounced Ar-Kansas. Squints at Dave= KARKAT: OR ALABAMA. =Allah-bomb-a= KARKAT: =What was the other one... he's thinking= .... DAVE: ... DAVE: you mean arkansas -Pronounces it as god intended. Ar-can-saw.- DAVE: sweet home alabama -Alla-bahm-ah.- land of peaches and deep fried pecan pie respectively KARKAT: "CAN-SAW"? =Bullshit= KARKAT: =The other thing he can accept= KARKAT: ARE EITHER OF THOSE WHERE YOU'RE BLOODLINE COMES FROM? DAVE: ... DAVE: no im from good old fashioned texas DAVE: and by good i mean it was shit KARKAT: RIGHT. TEXAS. =Y'all was a thing there too= KARKAT: DO YOU MIND IF I ASK YOU SOME STORIES YOU HEARD ABOUT IT? KARKAT: I MOSTLY READ THAT IT WAS ONE OF THE POLITE PLACES FOR STRANGERS. DAVE: cant say for sure DAVE: never went out much DAVE: and our neighbors sure as hell didnt talk to us DAVE: probably because of the puppet porn filming and sword fights on the roof DAVE: who can blame them tbh it wasnt like it was going to do itself KARKAT: =squints= ..... I'M BEING SERIOUS DAVE. DAVE: dude DAVE: ive never been more fucking serious in my life -His expression hasn't changed so of course. It's hard to tell.- KARKAT: =rolls eyes= WHATEVER. AT THE VERY LEAST I'LL FACT CHECK THOSE PRONUNCIATIONS. DAVE: aight fair enough -stuffing the rest of his leftovers away- i mean you help me and i help you i call this a solid deal DAVE: you actually ever had captain crunch KARKAT: I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF IT. KARKAT: HOW DO YOU MAKE IT? DAVE: dude im about to blow your fucking mind DAVE: ill get back to you -And by that, he means he's leaving a box at Karkat's door for him to find in the morning. You get serious cereal privileges when you work with the Agency.- KARKAT: =He's going to inhale this box after 3 hours of scrutinized glaring. Then will shake down Dave for the wtf hows???? Prepare yourself= DAVE: -Dave is ready for the impending shake downs. Come at him bro.-