hiiii can u wrote a dylan imagine where the reader is self conscious about her body?
hi love!!! thank you for your request! i hope how ive written this is all okay, somewhat wrote it from personal feelings kind of. i hope you like it <3
—
ꨄ︎ beautiful
pairing: dylan x reader
summary: you had been feeling conscious about your body and dylan tries to comfort you
warnings: body issues, slight hint at a potential ed (sort of), hints at past mental health struggles
word count: 3.4k
It hadn’t always been like this.
There was a time where you didn’t care. A time where you wore whatever clothes you wanted. A time where you didn’t think twice about the way you looked.
It was a recent thing that had started. Well, you were sure it was recent. Along with some stress from work and a few usual life things that everyone went throgh every once in a while.
And stress happened. You knew that. It happened to everyone. But you always came out the other side stronger, and less stressed.
On top of that, you always had the support of your best friend and boyfriend, Dylan, every time you needed some extra help.
The past few times did seem to be different.
Each time you’d had a slight feeling of that exhaustion or stress recently, you’d started to feel... more negative about yourself. This hadn’t happened for a long time.
It hadn’t seemed like a big deal at first. You would get ice cream from the freezer, comforting yourself by eating it and watching a movie with Dylan right by your side.
Sometimes he'd suggest on taking you out on a date to cheer you up, keep you distracted. But he had noticed the longer amount of time it had seemed to take you to get ready for said dates as of recent.
There had been times where you even turned down dates because you either couldn’t figure out what to wear, or got frustrated at yourself and the way you looked in certain clothes. which didn’t process in your mind at the time. Nor did Dylan think it was strange, and he most definately didn't mind.
As some time went by with being like this, you started wearing less and less tight or revealing clothes. You didn't like the way your dresses were looking on you anymore, the same with skirts or crop tops.
When you’d go on dates with Dylan you started wearing different clothes. Items that didn’t hug your body as tightly, jackets to wrap around yourself to not show any of your figure.
You became conscious. Every time you dressed up for a date you noticed it in the mirror. The way you were starting to look different, to feel different.
Although, it didn’t register in your mind for a while.
It was only now. As you stood in the bathroom, getting ready for another date, that you really stared at yourself in the mirror.
You were sure you'd gained weight.
Although, you couldn't have, your routine hadn't changed, you weren't doing anyhting any differently.
It was when there was a knock on the bathroom door that you snapped out of your thoughts.
“Just getting changed!” You called through the door.
“Okay!” Dylan replied back. “We’ve gotta leave in thirty.”
“I’ll be quick!”
You heard Dylan’s soft footsteps as he walked away from the bathroom. As you took a breath, you stepped back from the mirror, instead looking at the dress you’d brought in there with you.
It was meant to be for a date Dylan wanted to take you on. He’d been busy recently, so he wanted to make it up to you with a nice dinner.
You held the dress up, knowing the tight fitting of it. You sighed. How could you do this? How could you wear this dress without feeling conscious.
You couldn’t do it.
Without another thought, you rushed out of the bathroom and to your bedroom, shoving the dress back into your wardrobe.
You scrambled through different items, pulling out a pair of your favourite loose jeans as well as one of Dylan’s hoodies that you always seemed to steal from his dresser that you could wear over your plain white shirt.
While rushing to change, you hadn’t heard Dylan making his way up to the room, nor did you see him in the doorway while you tried to get comfortable in his hoodie.
“Baby?” He said softly, getting your attention.
You immediately turned to him, seeing the worried look on his face. You had no idea what to tell him.
“I thought you were wearing that dress,” he asked. “To match the colour of my suit.”
“The zipper broke,” you quickly made up an excuse. “None of my other dresses go right.”
Dylan looked slightly upset, but not for the reason you thought.
“I know you loved that dress, I’ll see if I can fix it soon,” he walked over to you, taking your hands in his. “How about you wear my suit jacket, instead of the hoodie.”
You hesitated for a moment, but slowly agreed. It would look smarter than a hoodie but still big enough to cover you up.
Not long after that, you were leaving for the restaurant your date would be at. You felt conscious with what you were wearing for the first few minutes, until you relaxed, knowing this was just one of your usual dates with Dylan.
The restaurant Dylan brought you to was your favourite. He knew you loved the burger here, so he thought it was perfect.
When it came time to order, he went first ordering the pasta as he often got here, smiling over to you after. But you didn’t order what he’d expected.
“You wanted the salad?” Dylan asked, just curious.
You looked at him nervously, “uh, yea,” you fiddled with your hands in your lap. “Just not feeling very hungry.”
By the look on your face, Dylan knew something was up. He didn’t want to ask here, while you were in public on a nice date. But he knew it was something.
He was going to bring it up once you were both home, but he never did. Both of you being too tired after your date along with a short evening stroll.
After your date, a few days passed. Dylan forgot what he said about fixing your dress after you’d changed. Luckily, seeing as it wasn’t at all broken.
You spent the next few weeks dressing in looser clothes, Dylan’s shirts and hoodies. Anything to cover up where you weren’t comfortable with seeing.
It was a new day, new week, new time to again, look in the mirror and dislike the way your body looked. It wasn’t getting any better.
As time went on, Dylan started picking up on the things you were doing. The taking longer at the mirror, changing outfits, wearing baggier clothing. It was becoming almost obvious.
Dylan didn’t ask any questions. But he knew something was wrong. He knew you.
You loved your pretty outfits. You loved going on dates where you could wear those beautiful dresses of yours. Something was wrong.
It was a few days later when Dylan finally asked you what was going on. He hadn’t been planning to, but after he came home from work to find you, yet again, looking at yourself in the bedroom mirror, he knew he had to.
He left in the morning, made you some breakfast which he told you would be in the fridge to eat when you got out of bed.
Before coming home, he texted to let you know he was picking up lunch from your favourite fast food place for you both to eat.
At first he found it weird that you hadn’t replied to his message. And it was even weirder when he walked through the front door to hear no movement.
He slipped his shoes and jacket off, walking to the kitchen where he placed your food down.
Nothing had moved. He checked the fridge, the breakfast he made you still sitting on the top shelf. It didn’t seem like you’d even been down here.
“Babe?” He called out, getting no response.
He made his way upstairs, the bedroom door closed as he left it earlier in the day.
Dylan opened the door gently, pushing it open to see you were sitting on the edge of the bed, a blank expression on your face as you stared into the mirror. The curtains still closed, only letting slight sunlight in.
He slowly made his way over to the bed, cautiously sitting down right beside you.
He placed his arms around your waist, pulling you into his embrace. You hummed quietly, placing your hands over his around your stomach.
“Hey,” Dylan finally whispered, pressing a few delicate kisses to your cheek. “You okay? Thought you’d be downstairs by now.”
“Tired,” is all you managed to mumble out.
“It’s almost three, baby,” he glanced to the clock on the wall as he told you.
You glanced back to see. He was right. It really was almost 3 PM. You weren’t sure how long you’d been sitting there.
“Well, seeing as you missed breakfast, I’m sure you must be hungry for some food by now,” Dylan said cheerfully. “I picked up food on the way home.”
It was quiet for a moment before you shuffled in Dylan’s arms, “not hungry,” your voice came out muffled against his sweater.
“You’re not hungry?” Dylan sighed, brushing your hair back from your face. “Baby, are you okay?”
As he asked that, you sat up properly, still in his grip, looking at him with tired eyes. He moved back slightly, rubbing his hand up and down your arm softly.
“You’ve said that a few times recently,” you could hear the worry in his voice. “And you haven’t been acting like yourself either.”
“I haven’t been acting any different,” you argued.
“You ate a salad on our date, you never eat salads,” he started. “You always wanna wear a dress to our dates, now you never do that.”
He watched your expression dropping, “you skipped the breakfast I made you today and you always love when I make you breakfast,” he tried to smile. “What’s going on, baby? You’ve gotta talk to me.”
You looked at him, feeling tears welling up in your eyes. You turned to face away from Dylan, feeling as the tears started to fall.
Dylan almost didn’t know what to say. Of course, he’d handled your stress or some bad mental health in the past, but as far as he was aware, you’d been fine for a while now.
You’d gotten into a routine of talking to him if you were upset or feeling drained. And you hadn’t brought it up to him, so he had no idea what was happening.
“You know you can talk to me,” he moved around the bed, seeing you were crying immediately. “Oh, baby, hey… it’s okay, it’s okay.”
He sat back down, pulling you towards him gently, letting you rest your head against his chest. He wiped your tears away with one hand, while he ran his other hand through your hair, knowing it would help to comfort you.
Once you’d mostly calmed yourself down, Dylan tried to ask again, “what’s going on, angel?” he continued to run his fingers back through your hair softly. “Are you stressed again? Or is it something else?”
“Something else,” you mumbled your reply.
“Something else? Okay, that’s okay,” Dylan repeated. “Feeling sad? Or upset? Maybe lonely? I know I’ve been busy a lot recently.”
You shook your head, reaching up to wipe your tears away that seemed to start falling again.
This time, you moved to slowly sit yourself up. You stayed close to Dylan, holding his hand in your lap as you leaned your head on his shoulder.
“You know,” Dylan spoke quietly. “I knew something was going on, just didn’t know what it was.”
“Has it been that obvious?” You asked, sure you had hidden it better.
“I just thought you were feeling a little stressed again, but I’m starting to think that’s… not why you’re upset.”
You took a long deep breath, facing towards him, still with his hand in yours. This was going to be a hard conversation, but you knew you would’ve had to tell him at some point.
“Remember, a little bit ago,” you started explaining. “When I started wearing baggy clothes to our dates, or covering things with your hoodies and jackets?”
“Yea,” Dylan nodded. “You seemed more comfortable.”
“Okay, well,” this was it. “I’ve um, I’ve been doing that, because I don’t like how I look in my usual dresses… I dont like how I look in general.”
And it was at that moment, everything seemed to make sense. The eating less, the not wearing tight or revealing clothes, looking at yourself in the mirror more.
“That’s why I’ve been wearing these clothes, why I keep stealing your hoodies,” you point to the small pile next to the desk. “That way it doesn’t notice as much.”
Dylan let go of your hand, cupping your cheek in his hand softly, looking into your eyes.
“Do you know that.. to me, you just always look beautiful,” Dylan caressed his thumb across your cheek. “No matter if it’s my hoodies, or a baggy shirt, or one of your dresses. You’re always beautiful.”
“but my stomach looks weird, it notices in my clothes,” You looked away from him. “And my thighs look too big in my jeans.”
Dylan suddenly stood up from the bed, holding his hand out for you to take. You furrowed your eyebrows, unsure of what he was doing.
“Just come here, I wanna show you something.”
You reluctantly stood up, he took your hand, pulling you over to the full size mirror that was next to the door.
He stood you in front of it as he stood behind you. First placing his hands on your shoulders, and then up and down your arms in a soothing manner.
“You’re gorgeous,” he whispered.
You looked to him in the mirror, folding your arms over your stomach. Clearly uncomfortable.
“Here, look,” Dylan pulled your arms away, placing his hands on your waist instead. “My favourite thing to do, is hold you like this.”
He moved, slowly moving his hands across the front of your stomach until he was hugging you back against him.
“You’ve always been beautiful to me,” he smiled sweetly. “You were beautiful the day we first met, and you’re beautiful right this very second.”
“You’re just saying that,” you shook your head, knowing he was just trying to cheer you up.
“No I’m not,” he quickly replied.
Dylan placed his hands on your shoulders, turning you around to face towards him.
He leaned towards you, placing a kiss on the tip of your nose, “you’re beautiful right here,” and then he placed a kiss on your shoulder. “Here too.”
He leaned down even more, next, lifting your hand, kissing your arm down to your hand. “Should I keep going?”
By now, you were blushing. Dylan kissing the back of your hand one more time before he pulled you towards him to kiss you on the lips.
“We’re gonna work through this together, okay?” He tucked your hair behind your ears. “And it’s okay if you feel uncomfortable in some of your clothes right now, I’m gonna help you. Whatever you feel, I’ll be here right by your side through it all.”
“What if i feel guilty.”
“Guilty for what, baby?”
“For hiding this from you,” you elaborated. “For delaying our dates or not wanting to go at all, especially if it’s a fancier place where I should wear a dress.”
Dylan took a long breath, pulling you to sit back down on the bed to talk some more.
“Like I said, we’re gonna work through this, I’ll be here to help no matter what,” he kissed the top of your head. “Even if that means you wanna go on less dates at restaurants, and have more at home dates, we can totally do that.”
You nodded at the suggestion. The room falling quiet again for a moment while you both thought about this situation.
Dylan tried to think of something else to try and help, “we can get you wearing the clothes you feel unsure in, just for me to see, and we’ll work on this, okay?” He says. “We could even just go out to get some air, no need to be around other people.”
You cuddled yourself closer to Dylan, wrapping your arms around him as you relaxed into his embrace. He always knew what to say and do to make you feel a little better.
“I just—“ you cut yourself off, shaking your head.
“What, baby?” Dylan urged you to talk. “Tell me how you feel.”
“I see our friends, and they’re all so pretty,” you smile at first. “And whenever I look at myself, I just feel ugly.”
Dylan hated hearing you say that about yourself. Especially as you’d never said anything like this before. He’d always known you as the confident girl who loved getting pictures together. This was very different.
“Maybe it isn’t helping right now when I say it,” he paused, tracing his thumb across the back of your hand. “But you really are beautiful, I wish you could see what I see.”
You sat up slightly, looking at Dylan next to you. Taking a long breath, you squeezed his hand gently.
“What… do you see?”
He smiled as you looked at you, eyes darting around different parts of your face, down to your body as he figured out how to explain it.
“I see, the way your eyes light up when you’re happy, how the sunlight makes them look a different shade,” he started, he lifted his hand to your face, tracing across your light freckles. “I love your freckles too, they’re more noticeable in the summer but they’re pretty.”
He sees a small smile threatening to appear on your lips. You liked what he was saying, were happy he felt that way about you.
“I really love that when you smile, you have a small dimple on the left side of your cheek, but not the right side,” he moves his thumb to where it normally shows up. “And I especially love when you wear that sundress of yours, you always look gorgeous.”
You smiled as he said that, leaning into his touch as he did. Maybe you hadn’t thought hearing any of this would make you feel better, but it was, just a little. And even a little bit is good.
“I know you might not believe it right now,” he pulled you towards him gently. “But all of you is beautiful, and I mean that.”
“I love you,” you mumbled as you wrapped your arms around him.
Dylan stroked your cheek softly, tilting your head up to look at him, “I love you too, my pretty girl.”
He watched as you blushed slightly, leaning down to kiss you for a moment. You relaxed into him, feeling as he smiled into it.
You moved back after, still looking at him, “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner,” you felt the need to apologise. “I know we always tell each other everything and—“
“Baby, it’s okay, you don’t need to apologise,” Dylan quickly shook his head. “I get it, things like this are hard to talk about, you don’t ever have to say sorry for that.”
“Okay… but I swear I’ll try to talk about it more,” you promised.
Dylan nodded, knowing you wanted to do this, mostly for him. He wouldn’t mind if you still found it hard to talk about, all he cared about was being here for you whether it was a good day or a bad day.
“How would you feel about eating that lunch I picked up?” He tried his luck in asking. “We can count it as our first little at home date.”
“Okay,” you quietly agreed. “Did you get—“
“Tenders?” He interrupted, you nodded. “Yea I did.”
“With the—“
“Ranch dressing that you love?” He did it again.
“Yes, the ranch,” you laughed.
Dylan was happy hearing you laugh again. It had felt like way too long since he’d heard a genuine sign of happiness from you.
“Come on then,” Dylan stood up, pulling you with him. “Let’s go eat, then maybe we can take a walk, it’s nice out today.”
You agreed, knowing some fresh air might do you some good. You followed behind Dylan, heading down to the kitchen to eat the food he’d picked up.
You ate some of your food. Feeling happier now that you’d told Dylan what was going on. All he wanted was for you to be okay.
And hopefully, with Dylan’s help, he can make you realise that there’s nothing wrong with the way you look, and that you would always be beautiful no matter what.
As he subtly watched you, he smiled to himself, being grateful that he could be here for you through all of this. He’d never want to be anywhere else.
taglist: @hypnotizedstarkey @jjunebug @archersonlyecstasy @jimmasterflash @pictures-of-girls333 @ziggyxnick4evr @dytismybeloved @livwritesfics @arialovesyellowjackets @chalkside | if you would like to join my wallows taglist, please comment here or see this post
