she can still see it. the suit, the warehouse, the tunnels : utah, new york, florida. it’s different, watching her past self kill the doctor . . . but not kill the doctor, really. she knows the truth now but she remembers what that was like. watching him die, fighting the suit and then giving in to her fate. memories of area fifty-two are scattered in her head : the paradox. consequences of challenging a fixed point in time. and the lake. the vast empty nothingness of lake silencio still haunts her to this day. alone. drowning. or something like it. they had left her there for - river couldn’t say how long. time seemed to pulse around her. it could have been mere minutes. it could have been several days.
and then she was retrieved. tried and sentenced to stormcage. and then she had to watch it all again. face the very things that wake her up at night, only to forget them all over again.
sitting on her cot some hours after the doctor brought her back, he stood here again - with her, and river’s eyes stared at him listlessly, arms wound around her drawn knees, chin resting between. he was older than the doctor who left her. older than the doctor who supposedly died. this was her doctor, and the smile she gives him is lacking. “ hello sweetie. “ she greets him quietly, flinching at the crack of thunder and closing her eyes briefly when lighting flashes. she doesn’t address his promise immediately, simply counting back from ten ( rory taught her this . . . when she was mels ) : her hearts beat regulates and she feels the chill of her cell recede. opening her eyes, river shook her head.
“ i’m alright, doctor. “ she lies. “ i’m good. “
river cursed when her breath hitched. if she weren’t already so very tired, she might have taken the act further. but he knew her now. she doubts it would have gone very far before he broke through her defences. sighing, she allowed her head to lull backward, a gentle thud sounding in the quiet between the storm raging outside. “ i thought, by now, that i would be. i barely remember them, i don’t even know what they - “ she cuts herself off, did to me voiced silently.
shaking her head, river exhaled. “ you can promise to protect me all you like, my love. “ resignation sounds in her voice as she looks at him. for once, she doesn’t hide the damage. “ - but they won’t let me go. “ the silence will follow her wherever she goes . . . perhaps even to her grave.
" i’m not going to let anything happen to you “
& @wasme, sent.
