I've never been diagnosed by a doctor, but I have behaved in a lot of ways that I think would make me on the autism spectrum. When I was a kid, I would spin like a top, I wouldn't look anyone in the eye, I had friends and would play pretend with them and I generally have always had a good imagination. I did like my quiet time though and I tended to be more of a loner as I got older. I would flap my hands and bounce on my heels, when I felt good or excited.
I don't check all of the boxes, and I can more easily do things that I found difficult to do before such as look people in the eyes, but I'm definitely not neurotypical. Anyway, not all autistic people are the same, right? Right, point made, and that leads me to this; so a lot of autistic people say that for them, it's hard to tell what a person is thinking or feeling when they look at their face, and facial expressions are difficult for them to interpret.
However, they are in fact very empathetic when they do know what a person is feeling, in that they can feel the other person's emotions when they become aware of them. I'm the exact opposite way. I can easily read facial expressions, and can mimic them well enough when I need to put on a mask to fit in, but I find it difficult to resonate with and connect to others' emotions. It's not that I don't try to help others when they're in need, because I know logically that it's the right thing to do.
Rather, I simply don't feel what they feel. Whenever a person is sad, I tend to feel slightly uncomfortable, because I don't feel sad with them and I feel like I should but I just don't, if I'm affected by their mood at all. Then I read a couple of articles that say autistic people actually can read facial expressions, and that not all of us have trouble with it, sometimes. I can kind of turn empathy on and off like a switch and step into someone else's shoes, but this just makes me feel drained and I don't really see the point in that.
I don't know man I'm just confused. I treat people well, but I'm like a rock person. I don't know if it's due to my issues with dissociation that I also struggle with, or what. I've been like this for as long as I can remember. I'm going to be entirely honest with you. In most ways I don't even really feel autistic anymore, for lack of better phrasing I suppose. A lot of these behaviors as a child I no longer do.
I have better things to do than spin like a top now that I'm an adult, I can look people in the eye, I'm a social butterfly when I want to be. I can lie very easily and have done so, because most of the time I feel like an actor in a movie anyway, although I recognize that this is bad and have mitigated this down to the rare white lie. I rarely get excited about anything to the point where I bounce around or stim, then again I don't know if it's because I rarely get excited anymore or even when I am I would never do this in front of anyone, because it's not 'the right way to be happy.'
I get sarcasm, jokes, figures of speech. I love dry humor. You wouldn't know unless I told you is basically what I'm saying. I think this might make some people uncomfortable. However, I feel the need to speak from my personal experience, which isn't really a point of debate or in contest with others' experiences. I'm really just looking for someone to talk to. I think I've said what I'm already going to say and I'm repeating myself like a broken record at this point.
I've felt for quite some time like I don't belong in any particular category of human experience, and although I have no shame in saying this sometimes it feels uncomfortable, like I don't really belong in any category but 'tired.' Can anyone relate to this at all? I'm really pouring my heart out here from a lifetime of pain. Part of me wants to just give up trying to categorize myself and be in a category of my own, part of me wants to relate to others like any person would, but sometimes I don't know what's me and what's a mask anymore.
I wonder how many people are in the middle of that like I am.
6/14/20
[This post is originally from my Wattpad. I feel kind of apprehensive posting this, but at the same time I’m too tired to care and I feel like this is important.]
"Rrrrrriiiiiinng!" The piercing sound of the alarm signals another end of another regular school day. I sigh in relief, and start packing my stuff. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy learning, i just hate math, and that's the class i have for last period. The teacher, Mr. Daniels, is actually a really good teacher and he cares about helping us individually with our struggles, so i guess i shouldn't complain. Some of my class mates wave goodbye to me and I wave back.
"Esmeralda." (That's me) I turn and see Jake Carter walk up to me. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" He asks.
Jake is the class clown/Popular jock type, and also one of the hottest guys at school. I'm more of the quiet girl who gets along with everyone. Jake had once been my friend when we were younger but he stopped hanging out with me after i made friends with Michael Buchanan who everyone thought was a weirdo kid. But Jake was always nice to me regardless we just weren't as close.
"Well i wanted to see if you wanted to come to the party I'm throwing tonight." He says, looking at me with those green eyes of his. Even though he was handsome, what with his movie star hair and flawless face and killer smile, my heart belonged to someone else...
"You want me to go to your party?" I asked, surprised. " Yeah i do, only I'd prefer if-" "I didn't bring Michael." I finish for him with a small sigh.
He nods."Yeah"
" Jake, I appreciate that you invited me and all but one: you know I don't do parties, and two: even if i did, i wouldn't go without my best friend."
I saw a flash of hurt in Jakes eyes for a second before he spoke again, and i felt a pang of sadness for him. I know that he probably felt Michael stole me away from him which is another reason he hates Michael.
"Okay, fine you can bring him... On one condition." He says frowning a bit.
"What?"
"You have to hang with me and not just pay attention to him, deal?" He says, putting up his hand for a shake. I smile and gently wrap my arms around his waist. ( He's a bit taller than me despite us being the same age) I missed you, Jakey." I say the way i used to when we were little. He hugs me back tightly.
"Right back at ya little emerald." He calls me his nickname for me for the first time in years.
"As much as this warms my heart, its time for us to get going home, kids." Mr.Daniels says, kinda startling us, we had forgotten where we were. We leave the room and say bye to Mr. Daniels as we separated ways. I look ahead and see Michael at our usual meeting spot by his locker. He had his arms crossed and he was staring sadly at the floor.
"Ugh" Jake mutters under his breath and rolls his eyes when he sees him too. I slap him lightly on the arm. "Be nice." I remind him. He throws his hands up. "Fine, see ya tonight, doll." He says ruffling my hair. He gives me a smile and wink before going to find his usual group of jock and cheerleader friends.
I smile and wave and turn to walk over to Michael. I sigh. I don't know how I'm going to convince him to come to the party with me. He doesn't look up right away when i stand next to him.
"Saw you with Carter, what was that about?" He asks when he finally looks up at me. His tone wasn't angry, just really sad and tired.
"Oh well, he actually invited us to his party tonight." I reply. "Oh." He says and starts walking towards the main exit. I follow after him. My legs are shorter than his so i have to take quicker steps to keep up.
"I...I said we would go." I tell him. That made him stop suddenly and I bump into him.
"Why would you say that? We never go to parties, especially his." Michael's voice was full of resentment. He refuses to look at me and continues walking and i match my pace to his.
"Well because he was willing to invite us both and he says he misses me, I feel like its his version of a peace offering, we're both mature enough to end the distance once and for all."
We reach outside and walk over to the bike racks. Michael and I prefer to bike to school instead of getting someone to drive us, you see, we both come from wealthy families, but we prefer the simple things in life. My parents raised me and my brothers to be humble and down to earth so i was used to it; Michael's parents and family however, preferred a life of luxury and high society.
Michael was the oddball of the family and he really didn't care for much of all that stuff. He goes to another school, a private school and he bikes all the way here every afternoon to ride with me to my house.
"Correct me if im wrong, but he's the one who stopped being your friend, as i recall it." He says. We unlock our bikes and get on.
"Yeah but he wants to make amends not just with me but with you too. I'm sure he knows he wasn't really fair to you either."
"Yeah sure whatever." He shrugs indifferently. I sigh.
"Wait, before we head off, What's bothering you? I saw you were upset before I said anything." I tell him.
"I...well..." He sighs heavily. " I think it's best if we wait till we get to the tree house." He says sadly.
" woah... it's That bad?"
He nods and i see that he's blinking hard. I hate seeing people sad especially Michael. I can't stand seeing him upset or hurt in any way. We pedal off towards my house in silence. I get more and more anxious with every mile we rode.
Loud yells rang out from the game room as your big brother Chan's friends played video games and argued over dumb stuff.
You rolled your eyes and continued moving the clothes from the washer to the dryer.
You started the dryer and the low steady rumble started and you began to put Chan’s dirty clothes in the washer. The detergent was way to high up on the shelf as freaking always. You jumped a little to try and reach it.
“Can I help you?”
You whipped around and squeaked in surprise. It was Woojin. Woojin had known and been friends with Chan the longest, so you kinda grew up knowing him. He had never been unkind to you, just really indifferent and aloof. The relationship the both of you had was only complicated because your crush on him was as big as Felix's crush on chicken.
Now he was leaning against the door and staring at you in a way like you had never seen from him do before and couldn't really decipher.
He had never really offered to help you with anything so you were a little bit skeptical of his offer.
“No, I’ve got it, thanks though”
He shrugged like his usual self and turned back to the game room and the continued yelling of the group of other boys.
You huffed as you stood on your tiptoes to try and grab the box again.
You got a grip on it and pulled… it didn’t budge. You groaned loudly and yanked it harder. Two things happened at the same time very quickly. Your foot slipped and you began to fall backwards, the heavy box of detergent tipped and started to fall toward your head. A scream hadn't left your throat before you were yanked backwards and pulled against a very hard warm chest. Whoever it was caught the box and quickly set it on top of the dryer before bringing his hand to hold the back of your head gently but firmly.
You gasped and held tightly to Chan's sweater. He rocked you back and forth gently and slowly while tightening his hold around your back. You breath started to even out and you forced yourself to stop gripping the sweater Chan was wearing. You sighed and snuggled closer into your brothers sweet embrace.
“You should have let me help you.”
You froze, your breath hitched, and your eyes widened. That was definitely not Chan's voice. Worse than that, it was most definitely Woojin’s voice. Suddenly you remembered that Woojin had borrowed Chans sweater earlier that week and was wearing it now.You tried to push him away but only succeeded in having you chests separate slightly and you torsos pressed closely together. His large warm hand slid from around the back of your shoulders to pressed firmly into the small of your back. The hand that had been holding the back of your head slid to hold the place where your neck meet your shoulder. Fucking fantastic.
“I didn't need help,” you murmured trying very very very hard to ignore the incredible intimate position you were in with your brothers best friend.
“No? You could've fooled me” He smirked.
You wriggled in his hold more trying to get out of it before you started to enjoy it more than you already were.An instant change came over him and the hand on your back fisted the thin material of you shirt. His thumb on your neck pressed into your jaw causing you to lift your head and gasp at his sudden mood shift.
“Careful now” he whispered.
He lowered his head the slightest bit, but seemed to remember himself and stop. He smiled a smile that didn't exactly look very friendly, more like he was straining against something. As quickly as his dark mood came, it disappeared. Before you could blink he was out of the room and you were left feeling vulnerable and cold without his hands.
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
With a shaky deep breath you prepared yourself to walk back through
the game room so you could get to your room where you planned to hide the rest of the night out. The boys were still being loud, obviously, but you were scared of what might happen if you got anywhere near Woojin again.
“It was nothing, common now get over yourself!” You talked adamantly toyourself as you dreaded walking through that area.
You shook your head and just decided to go for it.
This time the boys weren't being loud because of video games, theywere being loud because of truth or dare.
Seungmin had Jongin in a headlock and was demanding an apology for something. Minho and Jisung were either flirting or arguing it was hard to tell. Chan and Hyngin were arguing about the rules of the game while tickling and shoving each other. Felix and Changbin were leaning comfortably against each other and watching everybody being dumb. But Woojin was the only one you really saw, he was pushing his hair back and looking you dead in the eyes with that look from before that you hadn't been able to figure out.
You tried to sneak by unnoticed as best you could, but when a pillow came flying past your head everybody noticed you.
“Ayeeee sis get over here and play with us!” Chan hollard, making you send him a death glare.
“No th-”
“Yeah! Come play with us!” yelled Jongin as he pushed Seungmin away with his foot.
“I was just about to go to b-”
“Aww come on!” chorused Changbin and Felix.
“No guys really I'm oka-”
“Come here.” It was Woojin and he was still looking you in the eyes with much more intensity than you really thought necessary. Your skin seemed to burn where his eyes traced.
For some reason you couldn’t form a response, his command seemed to pull you in beyond your control. You refused to run away, it was to late now, so you stepped forward and sat cross legged between Chan and Hyungin. Hyungin and Chan were fine to sit by, the only freaking problem was Woojin was sitting right across from you in the circle. Fantastic. Jongin and Seungmin finally quit wrestling and the game started.
“You go first Chan” you said quickly, before Woojin could have a chance to wreck your existence.
“Ahh nice mate. Okay, here we go… who oh who do I want to pick?” After a pause he pointed at Felix.
“Felix, truth or dare?”
“Umm, dare”
“Kiss Changbin”
“That's not even a dare.” He said as he casually pecked Changbin’s cheek. Half the boys started screaming while the other half just rolled their eyes. You couldn't help but laugh at the way they all acted and goofed around with each other.
“OKAY! My turn!” Yelled Felix to shut everybody up.
“Woojin-hyung! Truth or dare?”
After a pause he said “truth.”
“Ahh you're no fun. Hum… Oh I know! What is a situation where you wish you'd done something differently?”
For the first time that night it was quite in the room. Woojin wasn’t often known for regretting any situation he was in, so the boys were interested in his answer.
“I was in a very certain situation rather recently, and I only wish I'd done one thing that I didn't.”
“What?” Chorused all the guys. Woojin let his head fall back as he looked at the ceiling, exposing his long neck. You gulped and flushed as you saw his collar bones. Your eyes sank to his broad chest and you bit your lip. He looked so damn good. Suddenly his head came up and he looked right at you, catching you in the act of ogling over his body. You fake coughed to hide your red cheeks and turned away quickly.
“I wish I had kissed her.”
All the boys basically went ballistic and were nearly jumping on him asking who, what, when, where, how, and why this had happened.
“Bro!!! What on earth man that's crazy!” Yelled Chan, taking off his shoe and throwing it at Woojin. You were shocked, there was no way he was talking about you. Was there? You dared to peek up at Woojin and sure enough he was looking dead at you. Dear lord if he kept on doing that you were going to die, either from embarrassment or temptation. All the boys were still were pouncing on him and demanding answers. They finally let up when they knew he wouldn't say anything, also they left him alone because he nearly threw Felix across the room.
“Anyway, quiet now!” He hollard, pulling Jongin of his back and giving him a look that made him give his cute little pout.
“My turn.” He specified, looking around at everybody to get their attention.
For a second he looked at Hyungin and started to speak. You let out a little breath of relief. But before Woojin could say anything Chan stage whispered really loudly “choose (y/n)!” And at that moment you silently promised Chan you would never do his laundry for him again. You glared sideways at him sending him a what the fuck? look with your eyes.
“(Y/N)”
Shit shit shit shit
“Truth or dare?”
Oh shit, what were you supposed to do? The last thing you wanted was a truth like he had gotten from Felix.
“Uhhhhhh… dare..?”
“Oh really now? Honestly I didn't expect that from little (y/n).” Woojin smirked.
The boys oooo’ed and laughed at his teasing but you were getting boiling mad. “I am not little!” You proclaimed, but you only succeeded in looking cute, not defiant, in the eyes of the boys. They dramatically clutched their chests and “awwwww’ed” obnoxiously at your response (especially Chan). Hyungin who was still sitting beside you put his arms around you and hugged you tightly.
“Get off me, you nutcase.” You grumbled shoving his chest, but he didn’t budge. He just started ruffling your hair and pinching your cheeks making you try and slap him and get out of his hold more.
“That's enough now.” A voice rang out. “Let her go.”
It was Woojin.
“Ah, hyung, you know I'm just playing with her.”
“She doesn't appreciate it, and neither do I, so I suggest you let her go. Now.” His hands tightened around his knees in agitation.
“Aww she knows I'm just messing around with her.” He retorted pulling you so you were pinned with your back against his chest. Your eyes widened as you started to feel trapped. Woojin obviously saw the change and slight panic in your eyes because he was standing up and above the both of you in a single step. Seconds later you were being held bridal style in Woojin's arms, way out of reach of Hyungins clingy hugs.
“I told you to let her go.” He nearly growled, smiling an almost deadly smile. There was something else in the way he held you and they way he talked that you couldn’t pinpoint. Jealousy, maybe? No, that was hardly possible.You weren't given much time to process it because he took you back over to his spot and set you down, after that he sat down in your old spot. You looked around to see if anybody thought this was weird behavior. But they were all involved in different levels of fighting and flirting. Hyungin just compromised by wrapping his arms around Woojin who only laughed at the younger boys clingy habits.
“Okay!” Repeated Woojin bringing the game back to a start.
“Y/N” he said smiling at you in his adorable way that you were used to. You relaxed and smiled back, because even though he could be hot as hell he still managed to make your heart feel like it was gonna burst with his sweetness.
“Now for your dare.” He said still managing to look sweet and innocent while making your stomach flip in anticipation.
You refused to look weaker than you already had in front of him, so you sat up straight, squared your shoulders, and said “Yes?” You were acting as if you could care less what he was about to say to you. Apparently he wasn't fooled because he smirked at you again.
“I dare you…”
All the boys started to do a drum roll on their knees in anticipation and you had never had a bigger urge to slap all of them.
Woojin held out his arms to quiet them down and looked back at you with that god forsaken look in his eyes.
“For the rest of the night… I dare you to let me help you whenever I ask.”
What?? Only that was his dare?
The rest of the boys had different degrees of confusion and disappointment on their faces.
“Boring!” Chan hollard at Woojin while trying to keep Minho off of his back.
You looked sideways at him, trying to figure out what the heck he was up to. He didn't give anything away though, he just went back to looking like an adorable baby.
You hesitated and said “Okay?”
Woojin just nodded and as he did you and Chan's mom and dad came in and made everyone go quiet.
“We are gonna go out for the night so you boys need to go home now.”
Relief flooded through you and you wanted to yell for joy and kiss your mother.
“Awww mom!” They all chorused and started to pretend to cling to different pieces of furniture so they didn't have to leave.
Your mom responded to their behavior by just laughing and rolling her eyes, she knew they were all respectful boys and wouldn't really go against her orders.
“All except Woojin because he's spending the night.”
~~~
Dread flooded through you and you contemplated running away for the night.
You snuck a glance at Woojin just in time to see him smirk again and have the audacity to wink at you.
Not wasting another second you gave you mom a quick peck on the cheek and ran out of the room to go hide out in your room till things calmed down.
*30 minutes later*
The house was quiet now so you knew all the boys had left, all except Woojin of course, the one you were most scared of having to see.You recognized Chans footsteps outside your door.
“Hey (y/n)? Woojin and I are hungry so we're going to get some ice cream and stuff! We won't be back for a few hours.”
“Okay! Sounds good!” You yelled back trying not to sound too relieved.You waited a little longer till you heard the front door close and Chans car start up. You sighed in relief, happy to finally have the house to yourself. You walked across the hall and slipped into the bathroom and started to get ready to take a shower. You turned on your music and turned it up louder than usual, because you weren't worried about disturbing anyone. You striped down and stepped under the stream of warm water. You moaned as you rubbed the shampoo into your hair and began to wash the grime of the day of your skin.
House Of Cards by BTS began to play. Images of Woojin flooded your mind as the sensual music filled the bathroom. You didn’t hear the faint click of the door opening and closing. You hummed along to the music twisting your body and hips languidly under the running water. Woojin was all you saw whenever you closed your eyes.
You felt a low tingle between your thighs and bit your lip as you slowly let you hand cup your cilt. You started to roll your hips and moaned at the light friction, placing one hand on the shower wall for support.
Without warning a strong arm wrapped around your ribs, pushing up your ample breasts and pulling you against a broad chest. You gasped and shuddered as you felt a large erection against the small of your back.
“Let me help you.”
You knew exactly who it was and your core began to burn at the thought.
“I don't need help.” You barely whispered as his calloused fingers began to trace lazy circles on your hip.
At that moment your playlist decided to be a little shit and started playing Baby Don't Stop. Woojin let out a low laugh at the irony.
“I know you don't need help… but don't deny that you want it.”
With that he took your hand that was on the wall of the shower and put it on the back of his neck. You immediately gripped his hair for support.
“Hold on to me.” He whispered in you ear lowering his head to kiss your neck.
You obeyed him, because at this point you didn't trust you knees to work on their own. Woojin kept kissing your neck, gently and slowly at first but when he kissed below your ear and you breathing picked up, he began to suck and nibble on your sensitive skin. Everything he did from the way he breathed in your scent to the way he kept his fingers on you hips turned you on and made your insides ache for his touch.
“Wooj…” you moaned and gasped pressing you self closer to him and trying to get some sort or any sort of friction for yourself.
“Hummm?” He murmured moving like had all the time in the world to the other side of you neck.
“Please…” You didn't have to ask twice because he let his hand slide quickly between your legs and start rubbing you in slow agonizing circles. You slapped your hand over your mouth and desperately tried to contain your moans and whimpers.
“None of that now baby girl, I want to hear how I'm making you feel.” He whispered as he grazed his teeth over the shell of your ear. He worked you like an expert, adding pressure that made you buck against his fingers and tug on his hair.
“Ohh Woojin!” You screamed as he slipped two fingers straight into you at once. It was painful at first but he was so gentle with you, peppering you with kisses and massaging your breasts. Soon you were squirming in his arms begging for more movement. He quickly began to pump them with more speed and power than you thought possible.
He began sucking harder on your sweet spot like he was born to do it. The burning inside of you doubled and you felt your insides coil up as he worked you towed the edge with his fingers and his lips.
“Ahh Wooji- I can't- I'm gonna-”
“Cum for me baby.” His husky commanding voice and the power of his fingers pulled you over the edge and you bucked and shuddered in his arms as your orgasm consumed you. You were pretty sure you cursed and screamed but you didn't know.
You struggled to breath normally as Woojin ever so gently turned you around in his arms and picked you up again bridal style. He set you down on the counter and began to walk away from you. You did something than that surprised both of you. You gripped his arms and pulled him in close to you wrapping your arms around his strong neck.
“Don't let me go yet.” You murmured pressing your cheek into his chest.
“I'll be right back honey” he said and even though you couldn't see his face you could tell he was smiling at you.
He shut off the water and grabbed a towel. He then gently rubbed the water off of your back and arms. You had had your eyes closed the whole time, trying to recover from your orgasm. Now you opened them and got the full view of his body as he smoothed the towel through your hair. You didn't have time to admire his abs and chest or arms because his erection was all you could focus on. You were almost shocked when you felt your core begin to ache with need at the sight of him. You wondered if it hurt, it looked red and swollen even though it was huge. You looked up at his handsome face with amazement and wonder in your eyes. He smiled at you innocence and shook his head.
“Don’t worry about it.” He said looking at you with love and care in his eyes.
A wave a confidence hit you suddenly and you pulled him closer to you, pressing your breasts against his chest. You started to suck on his neck and grind you hips against him so that the lips of your pussy slid up and down his cock. He muttered curses in ear and breathed hard against your shoulder, making goosebumps skitter up the back of your neck. You knew exactly what you wanted, and you wanted it now.
“I want you.”
He pulled back and looked into your eyes, searching for any hesitation. There was none
to be found
“So you shall have me. But baby girl I do sincerely hope you're not planning on being able to walk tomorrow.” He growled sinfully in your ear, turning you on even more. He gripped your hips in his large hands and controlled your movements against him.
He pulled you up into his arms and you wrapped your legs around his waist, the friction from his cock on your sensitive clit made you shudder and whine. All of it nearly drove you insane.
He carried you to your room and kicked the door shut behind him. He sat on the edge of the bed with you so you were facing him on his lap. His forehead pressed against yours his eyes drank in you curved breasts and stomach, the thickness of your thighs. He seemed to get lost for a little bit but then pulled himself back to reality and murmured “You're so beautiful.”
You momentarily forgot how badly you wanted him inside you. His words had floored you completely. You didn't like compliments usually, they made you feel uncomfortable and awkward. But for some reason it was different this time, you felt like a fuzz was forming over your heart and lungs. It was warm and comforting but it made it hard to breath. A blush formed over your cheeks and neck and you bit your lip. You didn't know how to respond to his words. He held you chin in his fingers and ghosted his lips along your cheek and down to the marks on your neck that you couldn't see but were pretty sure where there.
His other hand held your thigh flush against his hip and began to lazily push and pull you back and forth against his erection. You sucked in air and gripped his forearms, arching your back at the slow grinding sensation against your overly sensitive core.
It was the most frustrating and infuriating thing ever how Woojin would barley do anything but you'd still end up a gasping mess. So you decided to turn the tables.
Pushing his shoulders so that he fell on his back onto the bed, you hovered over him grinning in triumph. But before you could boast he effortlessly flipped the positions so you were caged underneath him.
“Well that didn't last long.” You grumbled.
His beautiful laugh filled the room and you grinned like an idiot and started laughing with him because of how cute he was. The two of you stopped laughing and he pulled his face into a serious expression.
“Y/N I have two very important questions for you. Are you a virgin?”
“No.”
“Don't lie to me.”
“…. yes.”
“Do you want to do this?”
“Yes, so much, please I've wanted it for so long!” You quickly slapped a hand over your mouth, mortified that you had just revealed your long time crush on him. He grinned like an idiot with that sexy kind of confidence of his and you slapped his bicep.
“If you start boasting i'm getting off this bed and leaving you here.” you said faking that you were about to crawl away from him.
His mood switched faster than a hairpin trigger. His eyes darkened and he pushed his hips down between your bent legs, torturing you with his teasing pleasure. You arched your back off the bed, moaning and panting. Woojin groaned and nipped at your shoulder as he felt how wet and needy you were for him. He pulled away slightly and positioned himself right at your entrance, the entire time staring into your eyes.
You couldn't help the slight jolt a fear when you felt his cock at your pussy as you thought of the pain and you wondered if he would even be able to get the whole thing in. Of course he noticed instantly and stroked your cheek gently, leaning down to kiss your lips sweetly and deeply.
“This is your moment baby, your time. You call the shots, you tell me when you are ready, I won’t do anything without your consent.”
Speechless, you just nodded as relief filed you. “Go ahead.”
He began to kiss you again, fogging your brain with pleasure to compromise the pain as he entered you slowly. You whimpered in pain into his lips as he filled you halfway.
“Breathe. Baby just breathe” he murmured into your neck as he went to you sweet spot again. You nodded desperately and clung to his broad back as he began to roll his hips, but didn't go any deeper, causing an alien mix of pain and pleasure to ricochet through you.
Ever so slowly he sank deeper into you, fighting every urge he had to pound you senseless.
After what seemed like forever he was fully inside you. He groaned into your neck and fisted his hands in the sheets, not daring to move or hurt you.
The pain subsided as the stretch of his cock became manageable. You took his face in your hands and made him look in your eyes.
"Let go."
"Baby are you positive? You know i don't want to hurt you."
"Yes I know and I am positive. And if you don't do something right now i think we both might explode."
He smirked and pulled out, pushing all the way back in gently but firmly. You bit your lip and your eyebrows crashed together in reaction to the pain. Before he could apologize you put your finger to his lips and gasped out, "Woojin if you don't fuck me right now I'm going to lose my mind."
Before you could think he began to roll his hips into you, making you claw his back and yell out his name in a mix of pain and pleasure.
"Faster! Ahhh!"
"Tell me what you want." He growled as he took your ear between his teeth.
You cried out in frustration and pure lust and wrapped your legs tightly around him, desperate for more. "Please, please please, I want you so much. I need you so bad, please!'
He began pounding into you like a machine gun, making you whimper, gasp, and moan uncontrollably loud into his shoulder at the overwhelming pleasure.
"Shit (Y/N), I'm gonna cum" he grunted, and slid his hand over your breasts and down to your clit, rubbing harsh quick circles on your already aching nub.
You didn't have time to even warn him of your orgasm before it came rushing through you like a flood. Stars danced behind your eyelids as you screamed out his name and arched your back off the bed.
The sight of you writhing beneath him and the feeling of your tight pussy clenching fiercely around him overwhelmed him completely. Woojin threw his head back and pulled out of you quickly emptying himself onto your heaving stomach.
Completely spent, the both of you collapse next to each other.
"Wow" he breathed pushing his hair back and struggling to breath normally.
"Yeah" was all you could answer, your mind had not completely caught up with all that had just happened
Woojin rolled up onto his elbow so that he was propped over you and looking down into your eyes. He pushed and smoothed the wayward pieces of damp hair from your face. You smiled up at him softly, marveling that everything going on was actually real. He gently cupped your neck and brought his lips to yours again. His lips tasted like honey and sweat, they were addicting.
You ran your hands up from his chest to around his strong shoulders, finally letting them rest on his head, with your fingers wound between his gentle damp curls.
After a bit he pulled away reluctantly and his hand slid down and held your waste. He rolled on his back, bringing you with him so that your top half was rested against his chest. With one hand fiddling with the ends of your hair and trailing up and down your back and the other holding the hand rested on his chest, you had never felt more loved or protected.
"Do you regret it?" he murmured, looking at you like the words really hurt him to say.
"What? Why are you saying that? Of course I didn't regret it!"
"I'm just scared I might have pushed you into it."
"For heaven's sake i was the one begging you to fuck me."
He laughed out loud this time and kissed your forehead.
"Sooo..." he began, "how long have you been into me?"
That damned smirk
"Since in knew the alphabet you idiot."
"Oh really?" he said in a sing-song voice and you scowled at him with your bottom lip stuck out. He burst out laughing and wrapped his arms around you, nuzzling his nose into your neck and making you spas out because it tickled you.
"Well don't be embarrassed because I've liked use since I knew how to count to ten and tie my shoes."
"What?!"
"Hummmm...nothing. Come on, let’s clean up the mess we made" he said with a half smirk half smile, dragging you up off the bed towards the bathroom.
