—* tell me your feelings today
i’m not sober, i don’t care
AUGUST - - - ECLIPSE EVALUATION #004
SOLO PERFORMANCE
SOBER
after the brutal awakening that was their criticism received at the very hands of their ceo, audrey cries. she keeps it together for one day, and then the next, and soon after that days become weeks and then one day it hits her all over again, and she cries, alone in the parking lot on her way to get snacks to sneak into the dorm for the girls later that evening. audrey has always been easily intimidated, easily stressed, and easily led. she’s stubborn, but knows when not to be, and weeks later when she still hears the echo of katie lee’s pen tapping on the table and the look of pure displeasure, she knows that they messed up.
and of course, her target is audrey’s lackluster vocal skills when compared to the rest of the group.
in spite of every throat-aching, mutely spent day that she had put into their evaluation, it hadn’t been good enough. just what she’d always been afraid of. and yet, long before eclipse, her confidence hadn’t wavered so much to the point that it’s at now. a year ago, she was performing solo evaluations with ease and false bravado as if it were for a group. now, she feels nearly as fragile as leaves in the fall, ready to break apart if the wind blows just a little too harshly.
she breaks down, and a week is spent building herself back up, because in order to run you first have to walk, and even before that, crawl. painstakingly, she continues working on her voice, the technicalities like melisma, and then simply holding notes, because this month, she wasn’t allowed backing vocals, just instrumentals.
but the song she chooses is a little more her speed, more in her capabilities when it comes to simplicity and focusing on her voice more than her dance skills, a song that she thinks is just the kind that they’re hoping both audrey and yeri will perform for them. because unlike the other girls whose voices hint at underlying power vocals and raw talent, audrey’s is softer, naturally quieter, and (in her opinion) much more suited for providing backup to vocal’s like theirs; and that’s okay, because that’s what she expects.
when it’s her turn to be evaluated it feels almost like the first few times on the mga stage all over again; there’s a knot in her stomach and her hands feel a little less grippy than usual from the nervous sweat that’s trying to build in her palms. but katie lee doesn’t want that, not in a member of her next big girl group, so she sucks it up just as expected, paints a humble smile on her face and takes her position in front of the ceo, their personal trainers, and all the others, reciting lyrics perfectly with the simpler choreography so that she didn’t look like a stick on stage, her voice healed from a week and a half of lighter practice at the beginning of the month so that she didn’t sound like a wreck at the end (or lose it, for that matter)-
and for once in her life since she was put into this group, she feels like she may have done something right. (she hopes.)
