how does bellamy feel about his mom / her death?
MEME // ACCEPTING.
bellamy’s relationship with his mother is complicated at best. at least in my interpretation. did he love his mother? yes, without a doubt. she was family. she raised him and she’s the reason he took an interest to history/mythology, etc. she was the only parental figure in his life, too. ( with his father out of the picture ) i don’t think he had many, if ANY, friends back on the ark considering he had to always be so secretive ( my extra ass will probably write a meta on that later too smh ) so he really only had his mother and his sister. he admired her strength and his dedication to her knew absolutely zero boundaries. that doesn’t mean everything was all sunshine and rainbows, though. he’d never admit it to anyone, even himself, but he resents aurora a little. imagine being a six year old child handed the responsibility of another human being. imagine not having ANY time to grow up or make friends or do anything a child should be able to do. imagine living in the shadow of constant fear because something might go wrong at any time and his life would be flipped upside down. he joined the guard to keep them safe. while he does love octavia and would do absolutely anything and everything for her, that just wasn’t fair for him. going through all of that would fuck anyone up.
as for her death, he blames himself completely for that. and it kind of is his fault, really. he’s the one who brought o to that dance. obviously, his intentions were good. he wanted her to have a taste of normal life, at least for just one night. but that doesn’t change the harsh reality; that his mother’s death was, ultimately, his fault. that’s something he’ll never get over. something he thinks she would never forgive him for, because she taught him better.
