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Does anyone else struggle with parts that want to have different sleep schedules? I struggle with sleep issues in general so it's hard to tell what is what sometimes.
I'm also not sure if certain parts are just more or less awake at certain times or if it's just easier for them to have quiet time at night or easier for them to front when I'm already tired and less present.
I had a realization inside of the wet dissociation closet (the shower). I am my system's protector (general). I have to confess that I don't know the proper definition of a lot of system role terms because I always feel like I don't want to look them up and I think I've realized part of why that really is.
Like a lot of people with complex dissociative disorders I've struggled with trying to figure out who I am and whether or not I (host) have always been "myself" aka the host. Am I an alter that split? Do I have a role? Was I split to perform a role?
What I'm realizing is that it doesn't matter as much as I've been afraid that it did. I'm a big proponent of autonomy for a variety of reasons and that doesn't change when it comes to my parts. No matter why any of us exist we're allowed to grow and to change.
Am I Protector (system)? I don't know. But I do know that I've taken the role of protector (general). I know that wanting to protect and take care of my parts is a choice I've deliberately made in the last few years of therapy. I know that they all deserve to learn who they are and what they want and to be able to flourish. And that as host I want to give them a safe space to do that.
I think that why any of us existed in the first place isn't as important as figuring out what we want to do now in this place in time and I want to help all of us figure that out.
I am able bodied and verbal and I do not use AAC to communicate but I have parts (system alters) that have trouble communicating and rarely/never make sounds to communicate and I have considered getting an AAC device or app to see if they would be interested. I am considering this because I think that the inability to communicate is sometimes distressing or lonely for them.
I was curious to know if this would be bad or offensive or if there is any reason that I should not do this?
Anyone is welcome to reply to this post with advice thank you.
realizing that I hold different parts of myself to different standards and that maybe if I'm able to give other parts of me as much grace as I do that perhaps I should give myself some more as well.
against my better judgement I think I'm slowly becoming a person here. i'm still a ghost but I don't think I want to haunt this space by myself forever. i don't want to be alone even if existing is bad and scary sometimes and I know I'll fuck it up.
i don't know if every part of myself will be able to find friends but I guess that's why we're together so we can support each other. but i still want to reach out and try.
i'm sorry if I become too much i'm sorry if i'm never enough but if i don't try then I'll never know will I?
I love y'all (internal and external)
I'm borrowing this image from a poll I recently saw here.
I have partial aphantasia and I'm curious to know if anyone else with dissociative identity disorder has noticed that different parts/alters/etc. seem to fall into different places on this scale. I haven't figured out if that's the case for myself yet or if my partial aphantasia is just random for all of us.
the last time I posted (2017) was the beginning of a long difficult journey that's taken me years. I'm safe I'm ok I'm even happy most days. I've been in therapy for many years now and it's made such an amazing difference in my life.
I have C-PTSD and DID and it turns out that it isn't the end of the world. it really isn't. it's ok. I've been more present and alive for the last several years than I was for most of my life.
I don't know if I'll ever be back to this blog but if you're here if you're reading this I love you and things can get better
_ 2024 Update: still here, still surviving ghost/disghostiation. 30+, queer, trans, they/them
