Do any other speech impaired people kinda hate using AAC. Don't get me wrong it's a great tool and I think my boards are cool, but for me personally I find it so clunky and awkward to use that I just opt to not speak most of the time. I'm also constantly getting distracted and forgetting what I want to say in the middle of my sentences, and I loathe the idea of making other people wait for me to finish putting together my sentences.
I've thought about getting a Bluetooth keyboard for my iPad and typing through TD Talk instead, but I also kinda hate Bluetooth accessories because their connections are weak. Makes me wish I could have a tiny laptop for the sole purpose of being an AAC device, is there really nothing like this out there?!
I spent most of the day with my best friend yesterday (after not seeing them for over a year) and certain things have changed since seeing them, like me having an AAC device. I still haven't felt comfortable enough to use my AAC with them (it is harder to use my AAC with people who know me because they know I technically can speak). And so, I forced myself to speak, even when it was becoming exhausting, because for a good amount of time, it wasn't as draining as usual, and it was bearable.
But, I realize that it wasn't the exhaustion from speaking that made me realize just how much I need to use my AAC and need communication support overall...it was that even though I was pacing myself to speak, wasn't rushing, and actually stayed within my body for most of it (not much dissociation/disconnect from what I was feeling and thinking), I still struggled to get my thoughts across in the way I wanted to.
It wasn't the exhaustion that got to me. It was how much I kept struggling to pronounce words (getting stuck on them), how much I kept mumbling and speaking too low because I struggle a lot with knowing how loud I am speaking. It was how much I struggled to translate my exact thoughts into verbal speech without anything becoming lost.
It was how I could not verbalize or communicate things I felt and could only understand visually. It was how much I kept saying things in a way that I did not mean to say; saying things in ways that lessen the clarity and makes it seem like I don't know what I am talking about or trying to say when I do in my mind. It was how much of my extensive thoughts kept becoming shortened through speaking.
It's not the exhaustion that makes me validated in seeking and using AAC. It's how I literally cannot rely on verbal speech/mouth words. And I have been feeling how frustrated I truly felt within while it was all happening (I processed the feeling late, after they left back home). It just reaffirms how much I need my AAC, like....so much.
And I realize that my reliance on speech and forced speech has still been getting in the way of me truly impleneting AAC into my life and fully understanding my identity with being an AAC user. I am not going to measure my use by full-time or part-time. I simply want AAC as my baseline form of communication; as my main form of communication.
And using AAC isn't just for communicating with others, and it is so much more than simply requesting/asking for things and only using it as a last resort (when I need it so much that I can't ignore that need anymore). Using AAC is also for communicating with myself and being an external place for my mind.
My AAC helps me keep my thoughts organized. It helps me understand my mind and things/ideas/concepts more because I am so visually-oriented. And it helps me remain connected to myself. It is another place where so much of my mental/internal self exists.
And there is me speaking aloud my thoughts with AAC instead of mouth words, having a journal folder and journaling my thoughts and feelings into AAC (when I don't feel like writing in my physical journal). There is me speaking out my thoughts, opinions, and feelings through my AAC while watching shows/movies/videos, and overall just allowing AAC to become a second mind and voice for myself. And familiarizing myself with my AAC throughout each and every day.
Guess whose AAC device has been approved by insurance yesterday????!!!!!!!!!
It's mine!!!!!!!!!!! ♡♡♡
Oh gosh! I am soooooo beyond excited. I wanted to share this yesterday but I was processing it (and I still am!). Oh gosh, I am sooooooo excited!!!
All I am waiting for now is an "Explanation of Benefits (EOB)" from my insurance provider and I am sooooo hoping that there truly is NO balance for me to pay (especially because right now, "no additional balance is expected"!)
At the beginning, before I officially started the trial (with having and using the device), I was told how my insurance is able to cover the full price of everything and so I hope this remains true!
Anyways, I am going to make myself some s'mores today to celebrate ☺️💐✨ (am so happy & excited!!! 😆)
Thinking about mute characters. And the ableism against mutism.
I don't think I've mentioned this here but I go mute decently often. It's a mixture of my body shutting down (mentally) and genuine disinterest in speaking. There's a reason I so strongly relate to the line "If you only listen with your ears, I can't get in." in The Mute by Radical Face. But I hardly, if ever, see mute characters aside from the "severely autistic non-verbal" sort of stereotype.
Side note: I prefer the term "mute" over "non-verbal", because "non-verbal", to me, makes it sound like I'm missing or have lost something. "Verbal" is the ideal and "non-verbal" is the odd one out, the anomaly, something "wrong".
But you don't have to have a mute character be autistic for them to be mute, and a disabled character doesn't have to explain the finer details of their disability (although it is advised that you, as the author, should know what is going on with your character). While mutism does primarily come from mental limitations, there are ways it can come from injuries. Damage to the trachea, esophagus, and mouth can cause speech differences or complete mutism. Brain damage can also affect speech; strokes, tumors, excessive drug use, et cetra.
Another note: Mutism and autism do not always go together. While it is true that plenty of autistic and otherwise neurodiverse folks may experience mutism, whether due to social anxiety or mental overwhelm or overstimulation, they do not always go hand in hand.
When looking up "mutism", you will find a lot of "how to fix it". Okay fine, "treat" it. As though it's something to overcome. And maybe for some people it is, that's okay. But overall there's this ableism against mutism that I feel goes unnoticed. If a kid doesn't start speaking at a certain age, they're considered slow or behind. To call someone non-verbal implies a certain level of mental state. This also ties into the ableism around deafness, because if deafness was more tolerated - that is, if sign language was more accepted and actually taught as a second language - mute people (and those who aren't deaf or mute!) would be learning sign language, and therefore be able to communicate more effectively. I took a singular ASL class in college because that was all that was accessible to me. I know enough to introduce myself and explain that I'm partly mute, but most of the time I use my notes app and body language. And most people are cool with that! Sign language is also admittedly difficult for me because my brain thinks in words. It thinks in poetry and lyrics, not movement. But I'm just one person with just one experience. I'm sure there's plenty others with more experience and knowledge than me.
Make your disabled characters diverse and diverse in the way in which they are disabled. Mute because of autism; mute because of injury; mute because of a vow of silence! Mute because ya just don't feel like it right now, whether that be mental or physical. Mute and know five different types of sign language; mute and uses primarily an AAC or written word. Mute characters who are intellectually disabled, and mute characters who aren't! Mute characters!
so were trying to use mutiple forms of AAC usage. we want new communication cards sets, other versions of nonverbal communication, we like writing to communicate. what we like the best? typing can be good too, so low tech and high tech AAC usage is fine. we wish we could use send the images and other ways to communicate to people telepathically irl 😞
AAC usage is good for us, but we feel we need permission to use it, which isn't true, and people won't get mad at us. everyone we used AAC tools around besides our Mum. our Mom has has times of being impatient, mean, and downright rude at our AAC usage. we have communication trauma and a lot of it was from her. our AAC usage hurts no one + helps us!! that's good! we always feel like a burden and rushed using AAC, we need to give ourselves more grace, cause AAC usage helps a lot, and people get concerned when ww can't forced speech, and we won't use any AAC so we just stand there and panic... we need to work on it..
Maybe more aac content……. I would love to see yiur aacdevice layout… I’m hyper fixated on aac 🌞❤️
this is my current layout! it’s heavily based on @transoccuine TD Snap Petrichor’s pageset. I’ve adapted it to our collective needs as we grow as a plural system in these days ❣️🌞
