What's it like to have a partner?
oh....... oh boy. you've caught me on the eve of our anniversary so i'm about to just. go fucking insane with this.
it's like. they become part of you? part of your day, part of your routines and patterns, part of your thoughts. even when he's not the center of my day, he's there. and it is a feeling i can't describe to know that i'm similarly ingrained in his world.
and you just... idk, you delight in them. i am thrilled every time he has a good day. every time he makes a dumb joke or talks to the cat or celebrates some win in a video game. knowing he's happy is crucial to my wellbeing. like right now, we're apart but i know he's with friends, people that love him and make him laugh, and that.... it's making my chest all warm to think about. he's probably laughing right now and i want to cry thinking about it.
and the little things. the mundane things. they feel monumental sometimes. it's just a joy to go through everyday life together. the other day i trimmed his hair and i was momentarily just. FLOORED. here is this person that so implicitly trusts me with not only his heart, but the care and upkeep of his body??? what?
i love taking care of him. it's one of those things where you hate to see him suffer even the smallest thing, but it's a privilege to see him through it. to love him through it. and letting yourself be fully vulnerable and cared for yourself...... it can be hard but it's the deepest relief i know. the intimacy of that. to be fully yourself.
and it's extremely special to me to have this partnership bc we've been together since we were teenagers. pimply little weirdos who flirted one summer and just. never stopped. i am always looking for little ways to make him giggle and blush like he did that summer. we grew up together and made mistakes and learned who we wanted to be... and we're working to become those people together.
in short, if it's something you want, it's fulfilling and special and it's WORK but it's fucking astounding.
