#weareanml

[salty-dracon]

there are too many names around mcdonald’s

i apologize for the quality of my handwriting

source

[salty-dracon]

ACAU- Meet Your Teacher

Arthur’s E Class meets their new teacher, but she isn’t quite what they expected her to be... Based on the scene from Assassination Classroom.

“My name is Vincent Kraus. I’m with the CIA.“ The man in the front of the room crossed his arms. He bore a bitter and impatient expression on his face, and his pink eyes darted back and forth, even once catching Arthur’s. “What I’m about to tell you, you cannot tell or hint to anyone else, or else you risk national security and arrest.” He ruffled his navy hair. “There are a lot of people who would kill for this information, or kill to hide it.”

Arthur, a tall boy with fluffy blonde hair and curious orange eyes, glanced around at his classmates. Their eyes were all equally riveted to the front of the room.

Vince continued. “Your class is situated on a mountaintop, far away from the view or influence of anyone. You are all in the lowest class of your school, for reasons which I’m sure vary among you. This makes you the perfect classroom for your new teacher. And now, I’d like to introduce you to her. If you may... “

The class waited for the sound of footsteps, but received none. Their questions were soon explained by the appearance of their teacher, who was, to everyone’s surprise, hovering two feet off the ground. She had milk-white skin, sparkling blue eyes, and ethereally floating purple hair. Her small body was clothed with a black dress. She bore a gentle and serene smile on her face.

“She’s... floating?!“ Julien, one of Arthur’s best friends, an enby with a navy ponytail, pointed to the gap between her feet and the ground.

“That’s bullshit!“ Adrian, a tall, strong guy with blood red hair, stood up and slammed his huge hands on his desk. “There’s no way-“ Adrian gasped when his vision of their teacher was blocked by- their teacher herself. Arthur glanced at the spot where she was standing. She wasn’t there.

“With me,“ she said, in an equally serene voice, “everything is possible.“ 

Arthur blinked. Once again, she was at the front of the room. She glanced at Vince and smiled. 

“Her name, I am told, is-“

“I can introduce myself, Vince.“ The woman gave Mr. Kraus a harsh glare. “Class, my name is Miss Narcissa. I look forward to working with you all, as well as foiling your assassination attempts.“

“Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to assassinate your new teacher. Her bounty is currently set at 10 million dollars, though, as you can see, not for no reason. Her recorded abilities include teleportation, super speed, flight, the ability to sap the life out of plants, and pseudo-telekinesis. It is your job to find a way past all of these superpowers and assassinate her. Moreover, you have a deadline. June of next year. Narcissa’s powers also make her a living bomb, one that could potentially destroy the world. If you kill her before then, she will die peacefully, without killing the rest of the planet.“

“Sir?“ Jake, a boy sitting in the front, raised his hand. “How are we supposed to do that without any weapons?“

“The government will provide you with whatever you need to perform your operations. These include guns, knives, and bullets.“ Vince held one up. It was red, and the size of a rubber bouncy ball. He bounced it once on the ground. “Don’t be fooled by their appearance. Ordinary weapons will not kill her. These things will.“

“Miss Narcissa, from you directly, is that true?“ Aditi, a girl sitting on the left side of the room, raised her hand. 

“It is.“ Narcissa smiled. 

“If you need anything else, please let me, or Mr. Kerri know.“ Vince motioned to a man with red hair, who was wheeling in carts of guns and knives. He waved to the class. “He is my assistant, and both he and I will be keeping watch over Miss Narcissa over the course of the year, making sure she does not break our agreement.“

“Agreement?“ Aditi asked.

Arthur sighed in his head. Aditi was always like this- even if it was trivial, she grilled people for the whole and complete truth. What surprised her was that she was doing the same thing to a government agent. 

“Don’t worry, Aditi.“ Narcissa smiled. “Our agreement was that they would only allow me to teach you as long as I didn’t hurt anyone and kept my own existence a secret from the rest of the world.“

“How do you know my-“

“I memorized the class list before coming here.“

“...Fair enough.“

“I’m sure this is quite a shock for all of you. But as long as you keep it a secret, you’ll be able to take her out. At this point, I will take my leave. If you need either of us, we’ll be in the teacher’s office.“ With that, Mr. Kraus and Mr. Kerri left the room.

“Geez!“ Adrian snapped. “What was that crap?!“

Lily, the Vietnamese girl in a hoodie sitting next to him, shrugged. “Hell if I know.”

[salty-dracon]

i noticed something about them

[salty-dracon]

my ocs looking at the sasa lele signs

me: what the fuck does sasa lele mean- OH IT SAYS SALE SALE haha that sign says sasa lele

(italics is thoughts, non-italics is spoken words)

lily: does that say fucking sasa lele no one look at those signs

michy: sale sale. wow that is an awful design sasa lele

ares: it says sale sale

venus: what the fuck is sasa lele ares what the fuck is sasa lele

laurie: is sasa lele like, spanish or something? oh it says sale sale (mispronouncing sale as “sah-lay”). ha, got it in one.

narcissa: sale sale. now if three of those sale signs were lined up next to each other-

luke: sale sale

giselle: (she says nothing)

ivy: (at the same time as palea) sale sale wait did palea just say

palea: (at the same time as ivy) sasa lele wait did ivy just say

damian: (with the confidence of a man twice his height) SASA LELE!

flynn: sale sale...?

verona: that’s a funny design

bridget: sasa lele? wow talk about bad graphic design you know, the least they could have done is made the letters more spaced out. now it looks like it says “sasa lele”

allie: sasa lele sasa lele

jake: it says sasa lele. no that’s not right, it says- SALE SALE! (he mispronounces “sale” as “sah-lay”)

val: if i say sasa lele they’re going to think i’m an idiot it actually says “sale sale.” where the fuck did you get sasa lele-

kat: is sasa lele some phrase i don’t know? no wait wait wait it says sale sale but it’s written in such a way that... who designed these signs anyway? oh this is totally going to be meme material if i post it on my instagram. actually let me do that (she says nothing, but takes a picture)

nick: what the hell is a sasa lele? oh wait it says sale sale. who made these sale signs

angel: (he read it as sale sale on the first try) hm.

miss t: haha look that sign says sasa lele hey guys look that sign says sasa lele

vea: sasa lele? i’ve never seen graphic design that misleading in my whole life

layla: sasa lele sasa lele. (pause) wait

vince: sasa lele no wait it says sale sale it says “sale sale” fucking idiots

brooke: (with the confidence of a white girl) sasa lele

julien: sasa lele i’m going to say that and no one’s ever going to forget it sasa lele

arthur: (he just read it phonetically) sasa lele! what kind of drink is that? is it like salsa?

amelia: it says sasa lele but if i think it over one more time it says sale sale sale sale

grey: sasa lele? ah, sale signs. get this awful graphic design out of my sight immediately.

tommy: sasa lele sasa lele!

ty: should i say sasa lele or sale sale it says sale

larkspur: i know it says “sale sale” but it’s funnier to read it as sasa lele

livia: sasa lele? what’s a sasa lele?

viviel: (his eyes actually read it as sale sale) sale sale

thanatel: (can’t read while viviel is awake)

tawny: sasa lele. oh it says sale sale does that fucking sign say “sasa lele”

mai: sasa lele. hmm. sasa lele

adrian: (with the confidence of a white guy) sasa lele.

narin: ehehe! sasa lele!

petra/larke: hmm. sasa lele. wait it says sale sale.

[salty-dracon]

extremely weird clothes my characters own

me: i have like 10 necklaces and i consider it a fashion statement to wear all of them at once. no i am not straight how dare you

lily: she has a hoodie that’s covered in pins that she’s not allowed to wear anymore but no one’s going to stop her in college

michy: she has one of those sun hats with a black ribbon. if you look closely it says something like “I LOVE GERARD WAY”, except she rubbed it off because whose hat says that in 2019

rush: she has an old leather jacket, maybe around 10 years old, with a bunch of rhinestones stuck into them (some of them have fallen out) with a picture of nail polish. when her tailcoat’s in the wash she pulls it on

ares: venus once bought him a world of warcraft hoodie. ares doesn’t even play world of warcraft but he wears it anyway because he appreciates the gesture

venus: he owns a pink sailor moon hoodie that’s two sizes too small for him. it was a hand-me-down from his aunt and he wears it because he loves her

laurie: “i don’t own any weird clothes! you own weird clothes!” “laurie you have bright pink cowboy boots right there” “they’re mine and they’re not weird!”

narcissa: she hoards a lot of human things, so owning the sluttiest elf costume she could find in iparty is not out of the question for her

august: a jacket with that purple cat thing from dragonball super spray-painted on the back. she’s looking to get another one with the actual dragon on it. i don’t know anything about dragonball

damian: you know those tumblr “completely cursed and terrible outfits that will make snakes manifest in your house physically”? he owns three of those. that and a whole closet of anime costumes.

ivy: green crocs

palea: blue crocs

gis: nope

luke: he owns one (1) ruffly white shirt. he uses it for special occasions, like the murder of his younger sister or something

allie: some cheap knockoff ugg boots (beige) with bright blue fuzz inside for some reason? they still have the tag on them. 

brid: “love is stored in the rakan” with a picture of rakan from league of legends. no she does not main rakan or his girlfriend xayah, she mains braum

jake: do you guys remember that weird bunny thing whose philosophy was basically “fuck you”? what was it? it was around when i was in elementary school. anyway he owns a shirt with that bunny on it

val: he has his own pair of jorts (jean shorts) that have a smiley face on the pocket. he wears them with oversized combat boots with weed socks. 

kat: she owns a t-shirt with a jar of peanut butter on it. nothing wrong with it. just a jar of peanut butter. she has matching shoes with peanut butter as well

angel: he owns a sheer pink bathrobe with matching pink high heels and lingerie, all custom-made to fit his body, which he puts on when he’s had a bad night and needs some me time. he once wore it to work, and scared the crap out of helion with it. fun fact, angel is sexually attracted to himself. 

h. kronus: he still owns a shirt nick gave him once that said “#1 Dad”. the truth is that he bought it for himself. 

n. kronus: it isn’t technically his, but once allie left one of her hoodies in a burger shop, and nick just happened to notice and stole it. when he has to tell someone that he’s got a female friend he pulls it out

thaumas: a pair of green booty shorts that say “goblin” on the back

typhon: “australia pants”. they’re khaki shorts he got in australia which he almost never wears. they have a little australia-shaped stain on the front from when he spilled barbecue sauce on them. he honestly just prefers his jorts

larkspur: i feel like being aggressively goth means he owns a lot of weird shit, but he has a mismatched pair of shoes. it’s like one of those high-top sketchers and a combat boot. he calls it a “pair” but it’s just two mismatched shoes. if he walks in them it looks like he’s limping

livia: a purple crop top that says “mega milk” in white letters. it’s her favorite shirt and she wears it to places she plans to pick up someone

genetika: she has a black shirt that just says “i hate mondays”. the weird part is that she has six of them. 

grey: he has socks that just says a bible thing on it. not even the quote. just the section #:# thing. 

adrian: one of big sister ame’s old shirts. “girls rule boys drool” in hot pink on all black. adrian can still feel where her nipples went

mai: she has an old leather strap that’s supposed to go around your leg and let you hold a gun or a knife there. it is apparently hasbro branded. 

larke: a 20 foot long scarf, all handknitted. every time he has worn it outside it has nearly killed him by getting caught on a low-hanging tree branch or something

narin: an extremely tiny bikini

tawny: a cowboy hat with reindeer antlers- like real life reindeer antlers- stuck on for some reason??? why would you stick reindeer antlers on a hat?

aditi: a pair of pants that was recalled as soon as they could recall it, because no one realized that the pants were covered in patterns that looked like little dicks. she does not regret her buy

conclusion: no one here is straight except laurie

[salty-dracon]

the teenagers as camp counselors

i dug up an old post okay and i was inspired

me: would i go braindead from the physical activity or the childish games and rhyming games first? place your bets! i am best paired with someone who is literally the opposite of me

lily and michy: while lily was asleep the kids drew a mustache on her face with sharpie. she got most of it off using rubbing alcohol, but for half the day she sported it with pride. it was then that the kids knew not to mess with her.  michy’s a pretty charismatic leader and can do everything lily can’t pretty much, including climbing rocks, catching bugs, pushing objects, etc., she also takes no shit from anyone who bullies her kids. even if it’s her kids

ares and venus: venus likes playing with the kids. like games and stuff. he’s also a portable teddy bear and he’s good at comforting anyone that’s feeling homesick. ares doesn’t like the outdoors, but by virtue of being venus’s brother he’s able to signal if someone’s not feeling good. so they make a pretty good team! also venus literally leads the entire camp in singing the camp songs

laurie and narcissa: narcissa knows the answer to every question. like, every question. it’s a little scary. once a kid asked narcissa if you could start a fire with a battery and some sunscreen, and she said that you could, and described the exact process to do so. meanwhile laurie’s been tracking makeup everywhere, which helps when she gets lost in the middle of the woods. she’s utterly hopeless, and no one likes her except narcissa for some reason

ivy and palea: no one knows whether they’re sisters or not, but they appear to share one brain cell. ivy gets it during the day and palea gets it during the night for some reason. so like, ivy’s good at the outdoor stuff and the games and palea’s good at cooking and whatever watermelon eating shenanigans the kids are up to

damian and august: they’re both hecking useless but damian is slightly more useless than august. damian is friendly enough to get along with the kids, but he can’t pitch a tent, read directions for pitching a tent, or start a fire for shit. meanwhile august can do everything like that with help. and she has beautiful hair and has all those little charms weaved inside so the kids love playing with her hair

bridget and allie: brid most certainly did not read the job description before taking this on, she just went because allie told her to. so she’s really surprised when she has to hike all day. and she hates hiking. so she’s probably not enjoying this experience, but she’s tolerating it because the kids think she’s really smart. she tried to explain photosynthesis to them and no one got it. meanwhile allie is just doing everything brid can’t do. like... everything

jake and val: “AWLRIGHT CAMPEEEERS-” “AS I WAS SAYING-” so they’re like... good friends and all, but their whole friendship thing kind of falls apart considering that jake loves kids but his experience with kids is a dog, and val hates kids but he’s had to chase around his cousins for four plus years. so basically neither thinks that what the other person’s doing is correct. but they’re still good friends though.

kat and nick: nick doesn’t really want to be here, and he tries to keep his whole “son-of-a-tech-giant-ceo-and-a-famous-politician” thing under wraps, but he kind of had to do this either for some assignment or because college. so kat ends up doing most of the work, but nick also helps. with all the things he can. which isn’t much. so kat ends up still doing most of the work because nick is weak

arthur and julien: julien’s super charismatic and loves spending time with everyone, while arthur tries and does his best, even though he’s still not good at a lot of things. but they have some odd quirks. like once julien disappeared in the middle of the night and returned holding a rattlesnake in each hand. it was incredibly unsafe, and people were flipping out. and then there was the time arthur found a miniature cave system??? during lunch hour??? and survived???

brooke and adrian: i stuck these two together because they’d get along... sort of. basically one’s a nature buff (and an asshole) and the other’s really strong and good at manipulating people (and an asshole). they eat apart from everyone else together because they both just hate people. and they actually do get along for most of the camp, until adrian hits on brooke, and then they’re fighting every time they’re not around the kids. the kids pretty much work together past then by virtue of them already being close friends and their leaders being useless

narin and tawny: two overconfident, overexcited teenagers who are totally ready to have some fun in the sun! except they also need to work hard, report in, and do a whole bunch of things that they hate doing. also the kids bully tawny for some reason. the girls love narin, because she’s got very pretty hair, and she lets them braid it during their downtime. but seriously otherwise she’s a huge priss. like imagine laurie’s level of airheaded but she doesn’t get lost or give up immediately

mai and larke: so you’ve got one really quiet guy (who the kids actually love, because he’s super nice) and a hardass who yells and punches and kicks a lot. she once got dared to punch a tree, and she just did. she punched a fucking tree. she punched it real good. her hand started bleeding, and there was a bit of trouble, but she punched it real good. whether the kids warmed up to her first or whether she warmed up to the kids first is anyone’s guess. meanwhile larke’s narcolepsy has actually never triggered except for when he starts a fire. so mai’s in charge of that

[salty-dracon]

more small town happenings

why is every adult below 50 in this town crazy or evil

(Laurie and Kal are hanging out at a church. Kal’s sitting on the top of the backrest near Laurie)

Laurie: So, like, if you worship Apollo, what are you doing in church?

Kal: Spiritual enlightenment’s a thing... that I think is important. That I want to do. When you look for answers, one of them’s bound to be right, right? 

Laurie: ... 

Kal: Why are you here?

Laurie: ... Because I’ve always gone here. 

Kal: So because your parents, huh. 

Laurie: Where are your parents? 

Kal: ... Dead. They took good care of me, but they all died in a fire a few years back. Moved back to honor their memory, mostly. 

Laurie: Wow, that’s terrible. 

Grey: Wait, so that was your parents’ home? The one on Beaver Street that burned down five years ago? I thought the police said it was arson!

Kal: The police said the offender was a kid from the next town over. Found some gasoline in his house, and ruined his future. My parents were cool. They didn’t have any real enemies. Unless they had debts or something, but I don’t think they did. But, honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was just a scapegoat.

Grey: Why? 

Kal: Mom and Dad held Christmas parties for the block and fed stray cats. They were cool. My mom had a heart condition too, but... she didn’t want to die until she had gotten the chance to visit the Grand Canyon. And my dad was developing arthritis. No one could ever hate them, ‘specially not any neighborhood kids. They loved living too much. 

Grey: .... 

Kal: My mom died on the top floor of the house. Couldn’t even run down to help my dad. *laughs* It’s fine, honestly. I guess I just have to move on now.

Grey: ... Did they love this world? 

Kal: Their dream as a couple was to travel the world. So yeah, I’d say so. 

Grey: ... Please excuse me. 

(Grey walks away while Laurie watches. Kal starts crying) 

Laurie: Sheesh, stop crying. 

----------------------

(In a high school, in the cafeteria)

August: Is that a dare? 

Sam: Yeah, it’s a dare! 

Brid: Okay, but in all seriousness, don’t-

Allie: Do it. Do it. 

Lumi: Don’t. 

Arthur: If you think you can get away with it... I mean, I wouldn’t, thought, but it would be cool-

(Lily walks up to the group)

Lily: Eyy, what’s up? 

Allie: August says she can pickpocket anybody. 

Lily: Why? 

August: It’s just a skill i have. And not anybody, but- *holds up earbuds* Lily, are these yours? 

Lily: ... What. The. Fuck. 

(Everyone bursts into cheers) 

Lily: How the fuck. Did you get your hands on my buds. 

Lily: I haven’t talked to you all day. 

Lily: I haven’t seen you all day. 

Lily: We haven’t seen each other since yesterday! 

Lily: I was just using my earbuds five minutes ago! 

Lily: They’re right- *ruffles through her pockets* - Gimme those. 

August: Take ‘em. 

Lily: *examines the buds* Yeah, one’s got a busted wire. They’re mine, all right. How in the fuck. How did you do that? 

August: A magician never reveals her secrets. Also, I believe this is Brid’s pencil, Sam’s guitar picks- *starts unloading stuff onto the table* Allie’s... fortune cookie fortune? and Brooke’s hair ribbon, which I stole from Arthur. 

Lily: What in the shit. 

---------------------

(At a picnic table in the park, with Narcissa, Julie, Michy, Palea, and Brooke. Narcissa has a crystal ball in front of her.)

Julien: So, do you know everything about everyone? 

Narcissa: Well, I wouldn’t say it like that... 

Brooke: Why am I here again-

Narcissa: That horse girl’s hanging out at your place again, which is why you’re here. 

Brooke: ... How the fuck did you know? 

Narcissa: You should really give her a chance, you know. She’s nothing like your brother. I think they’re singing a duet right now, actually. Did you know Grey could sing? 

Brooke: ... 

Michy: Text him. 

Brooke: Do I have to? 

Michy: Yes. 

Brooke: *pulls out her phone and texts him “Hey fucker you sing?”* 

Michy: As her anything. Seriously. 

Brooke: What’s for dinner tomorrow? 

Narcissa: I can’t see through time. Only the present. 

Brooke: Right... Tell me what Arthur’s wearing right now. 

Narcissa: Full name and description. 

Brooke: Arthur James Mink. 16 year old black kid, big hair, chipped front tooth. 

Narcissa: Jeans and a red T-shirt. He’s playing frisbee with his dog right now. 

Brooke: ... 

Narcissa: Don’t bother texting him. His phone’s in the house. On silent. 

(Brooke’s text tone goes off, she picks up her phone) 

Palea: So, what did he say? 

Brooke: “Couldn’t find you around the house?”

Michy: Tell him you’re hanging with a mystic. 

Brooke: Fine. *text text text*

------------------

(Implications: Grey burned down the home of Kal’s parents five years ago, August does in fact have the supernatural ability to pickpocket anybody, and Narcissa has the similar supernatural ability to literally know everything)

[salty-dracon]

small town happenings

a lot of weird things happen in lily’s little town that no one notices until you examine the context

Val’s room, after the kids are finished filming a video

*post video thing that the ace kids think no one will notice* 

Val: Hey, Brid, you doin’ okay?

Lily: Yeah, you don’t look so good. 

Brid: I don’t know. 

(Lily places her hand on her neck) 

Lily: You’ve got a serious fever. You should go home. 

Brid: My mom made me go to school. I have a 2 degree fever, but I  had a test... 

Val: That’s not good. Come on, I’ll- Lily, get some orange juice. I’m gonna get some Advil for her. Come on. 

(They both leave the room, Angel walks in) 

Angel: Heard you had a fever? 

Brid: It’s only two degrees. 

Angel: You’ve been over a hundred degrees all day and you came here anyway? ... Not that the boy couldn’t use some immunity, considering his eating habits... 

Brid: Sorry. 

Angel: You said you went to school too?

Brid: I told my mom I had a fever, our thermometer wasn’t working, she didn’t believe me... *Angel hugs her from behind* Hey, what are you doing? 

Angel: I can kill them for you. 

Brid: That’s nice, Mr. Perch, but-

Angel: No, really. I can. If things ever get bad... you let me know. I’ll take care of them, and I’d be happy to take you in one the deed’s done.

Brid: Not now. Can you let go of me?

Angel: Sorry. *lets go of her* I’ll call your mum. And don’t hesitate to talk to Val, either. He’s not as fundamentally lacking as he looks. 

(Val and Lily burst back in with orange juice and Advil)

Val: We got the sip!

----------------------------------

Julie’s backyard, and their chickens

Julien: So here’s Athena, enjoying her lunch- come here, darling- *hugs chicken* The whole flock’s been doing pretty well, I think. *footsteps* Oh, uh-

(Brooke stomps in and sits down on her back porch)

Julien: Hey, Brooke. 

Brooke: ... I just made. The fucking stupidest bet. 

Julien: What’s wrong? 

Brooke: So you know how Grey wants to introduce me to the pastor at the Rastafarianism Something-or-other?

Julien: Rastafarianism is an African religion, I thought you told me he was-

Brooke: So, I was complaining to him about how my stupid fucking precalc teacher wants to give a stupid fucking test about stupid fucking derivatives, even though she hasn’t taught shit. So I was complaining about that shit to Grey, and he was like, ‘so you’ll be studying on Monday’ and I was like, yeah! It wasn’t going to be fun, but yeah!

Julien: Fuckin’ hate precalc. 

Brooke: So then, I start yelling about how fucking stupid the test was going to be, and then he was like, “the Lord can’t get you out of your contractual obligations” and I was like “well I sure as hell would like to hang out with a lord that COULD”-

Julien: Oh dear. 

Brooke: -and then he said, “Then I’ll let him know, in exchange for you meeting him if the test is cancelled or postponed.” which is basically code for him taking me to his Proletarian church to meet his pastor because I’m a good girl or something-

Julien: Proletarian is a reference to Marxism. I think you’re trying to say-

Brooke: I’m a BAD GIRL! I’m a BAD ASS BITCH! 

Julien: We know, Brooke. We know. 

Brooke: So I walk into class today, and my teacher fucking tells me that the test has been postponed. Because she accidentally scheduled a date on the same day and had no time to make questions. So she held a review session. 

Julien: Holy shit. 

Brooke: And I’m like, great, how am I gonna weasel my way outta this one? And I get home, and Grey already knows. Like, he’s like, ‘hey I heard from a friend that your test got postponed looks like we can go after all and you still get to do your test’ and then like ‘the lord is happy and so am i’ and I was like no fuck you and I left. 

Julien: And now you’re here. 

Brooke: And now I’m here. 

Julien: Some lord, huh? 

Brooke: No, I refuse to fucking believe that. That ASSHOLE somehow knew that I’d get that test postponed. Like, he’s famous, okay? He must have made a call or something. 

Julien: Did you jump out the window again? 

Brooke: .... No. 

Julien: Wanna help me feed the chickens?

Brooke: ... Yes please. 

------------------------------

Adrian is hanging outside with Larkspur

Adrian: Okay, this fucker, who’s basically my cousin’s beta, thinks he’s a real fucking vampire. 

Larkspur: And this child, who still lives in his mother’s basement and forgot to apply to college twice, thinks he is also a real vampire. 

Adrian: I haven’t aged since 16, I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. 

Larkspur: Mentally, maybe. 

Adrian: Fuck you. 

Larkspur: I do age, Adrian, but I maintain my youth. Plus I’ve nearly got my degree. 

Adrian: In what? Bottoming? 

Larkspur: Accounting.

Adrian: Fucking boring. 

Larkspur: Well, at I’ll never be unemployed. Unlike someone. And the world needs good accountants. When the Nazis take over again they’ll need good accountants, and I’ll already be long dead by the time Star Trek happens, so... 

Adrian: ... what the fuck. Okay fine what’s the integral of 2x+5 from 0 to 1?

Larkspur: Six. 

Adrian: Shit. Okay, what’s the integral of 1/x from 3 to 5?

Larkspur: Log of 5/3. 

Adrian: What the fuck? 

Larkspur: Hit me with something harder

Adrian: Intregral of x^3 + x from 6 to 2! 

Larkspur: ....

Adrian: See, that one’s-

Larkspur: -336. You said 6 to 2, so the correct answer’s negative, just so you know. 

Adrian: ... are you shitting me

Larkspur: Accounting just requires adding numbers and memorizing rules and formulas, not integrals. 

(edit: fixed a lot of math)

-----------------------

(Lily is eating cookies with young Ares and Venus)

Lily: God I wish I was you.

Ares: Why? High school’s fun, right? 

Lily: Well... yeah, I guess... 

Venus: Do you wish you were me too, Lily?

Lily: .... Sure? 

Venus: Yay! I wish I was you!

Lily: No, kid, no you don’t... 

Val: You say you hate kids, and then you get along so well with them. 

Lily: Nah, you can just talk to kids, and they’ll give you wisdom. They’re pretty smart in some ways. 

Ares: She’s right. 

Val: What the frick. 

Angel: No swearing around the boys. Alright, the four of you can enjoy some fruit punch-

Ares: It’ll be three if you’re not careful.  

(Everyone drops dead silent) 

Angel: Three? 

Ares: Because everyone dies, right? 

Lily: Damn, he’s a baby goth. 

Ares: But you won’t die. 

Val: ... what do you mean

Angel: ... yeah what do you mean

Ares: They’ll find you someday.

Lily: I am going to... turn off this recording now... 

----------------------------------

(Tommy and Narin are hanging out near a pool at nighttime)

Narin: We’re going skinny dipping! 

Tommy: And no one’s stopping us!

Narin: And I invited friends! 

Tommy: Wait, what friends? 

Narin: Mai-Mai, Adri, Tawny, and Drake!

Tommy: ... the monster hunting club?

Narin: They’re not real monster hunters-

(They turn around, there’s a set of glowing eyes behind the chain link fence)

Narin: What is that. 

Tommy: R U N

--------------

(AN: Angel has killed and is currently looking for an excuse to kill again, Grey has the ability to chat with the heavens, Larkspur is a real fucking vampire but Adrian isn’t, Ares has the ability to read minds and knows that Angel wants to kill Val even though he can’t quite put it into words, and one of Narin’s friends is a werewolf)