I guess it's really no surprise that I'm writing to you, now is it? I had a few others in mind to write to -- Ellie, Jesse, my brothers... Hell, even Mati. But I kept coming back to you because although my brothers and Ellie have been there for me as long as you have been (if not longer), you seem to be the one who I can be myself around 100%. There isn't any doubt within me that I did the right thing by sticking beside you no matter what.
I'll start this off with a disclaimer: I'm not good with words, which is dumb considering I write my own songs and shit, but... I don't know, this seems a lot more intense than songwriting, probably because it's you. You make me so nervous and anxious and most of the time you make me want to rip my hair out, but I guess I've learned to love the feeling almost as much as I love you.
We can both say that we've changed a lot throughout the course of our friendship. I still remember you being the biggest asshole I knew and me being the little goody two shoes. No one understood why we were friends and no one understood why I stayed by your side even after knowing all the shit you've done. Not a lot of people knew you like I did. You were this sweetheart underneath all that, and I never know why you refuse to let that side show through. Then again, it's a pretty cool feeling dating an asshole who's only nice to you and a select few (but sh, don't tell anyone).
In public, I have to act completely put together -- whether it be on Twitter or anywhere outside my house. Truth be told, I'm still that same little ball of anxiety I was a few or so months ago. I just learned that it's easier to get through life pretending like you don't want to have a major panic attack every five minutes. And I still barely know what most slang words mean (Urban Dictionary is my best friend), and I still get uncomfortable 90% of the time. I'm still the same Drusilla, but it's like I'm playing a role. But, I dunno... I figured it's like the same thing you do in a way. It's like I take off my mask and go back to being the real me when we're alone because I know that you won't judge me or treat me any differently.
God, this is so cliche and I want to shoot myself.
I don't even know what the point of this letter is. I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you and be all romantic and cute and stuff, but I'm trash and I can't do that.
Just... Uh... Thanks for always being there for me, even though I know I can get all clingy and annoying and stuff. I just never want you to leave my life, you know? Even if this relationship thing doesn't work out because you might eventually get tired of me, I'd want to remain friends. You're a constant in my life, and I'm gonna miss you so much when I have to leave. Promise me you'll come fly out and visit me sometime during the tour.
PS, I'm not burning your letter. I'm keeping it forever and taking it with me when I leave so if I ever miss you and you're too busy to facetime me or whatever, I can just read it over.
PPS, you left another flannel in my room and you're definitely not getting it back. And I'm burning your flip flops. Oh! And I found the matching bracelets that I got for you for your birthday! Well, at least mine. I thought I lost it and I freaked out. Haha... Your birthday... What a fun night... Asshole. Just kidding, I love you so much.
