#weeklymigraine

[lordcommanderblackhandofto-blog]

Weekly Migraine 6

Daily Migraine #6

Thank you to all my supporters, if I have anyhow the first name isn't Steve or Stephen. If you've been reading and enjoying the last 6 post, please send me a heads up to keep this ridiculously unconfident guy writing these public thoughts. Well appreciated.

I formally apologize to you all my readers, however, I recently ran into some tech trouble where my file got corrupted and the original Daily Migraine got deleted. I went all in on who my favorite YouTubers are, but now I just don’t have the time to rewrite that. So I’m going to tell you guys about my experience on the TTC.

I don’t have the best social skills I know that I even end up being rude when I don’t mean it. But on the TTC for some odd reason, people just don't sit next to me ever. Sometimes I’ll go out of my way to make room for a little old lady on the bus and they just ignore me. Ok so I know I have very wide and broad shoulders so I could understand that being the case, but even when the bus or subway train is crazy crowded, no one sits next to me. I have a good feeling that there's come other reason. I don’t believe that it's because I’m black either, for I’ve seen other people of my skin tone not have that happen to. (excuse the tired language) I have a theory that people with their body language and facial expression, give off a certain aura that either attracts or repels people away from them. I’ve never been known to smile easily and due to my high school years, I adopted a very closed off, intimidating form posture. It was incredibly useful back in the day when I walked through the halls and everyone would just get out of my way, but now it’s just revolting. Why would I want to have people stepping on eggshells around me or fake laughing at my jokes because they’re worried about what I might say?

It's not even just having people just avoid me in public and on the bus, but it goes deeper than that. I already have a hard enough time making friends or getting to know women in a more than friends kind of way. This aura or demeanor of not wanting to approach people gets in the way of joining groups easily. I find myself eating alone and not really being accepted by the crowd because of my personality, habits, and presence. I don’t mind really, in all honesty, in a group of more than 4 people I tend to get really quiet anyway, but It’s that 3 way or 1 on 1 conversation that I love to have and need to in order for people to see the real me. Being a 6”4 giant of a black man with a permanent scowl on his face most days, but too quiet for anyone to know otherwise is tough.

I usually don't like hugs or physical contact, but in all honesty, I could really use a long hug from someone who's not my mom. Christmas time always turns me into a sap.

I really hope 2016 and being 22 is better than 25015 and being 21 were. ADVICE:

Females: Please dress your age, or creepy men who think you’re a certain age will try and holler at you. MALES: Get her a Christmas card, women love Christmas cards. FOR ALL: STOP SAYING XMAS it sounds weird. Books: The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stephenson, really well done. AMAZING first chapter. FILM: Juno Expect a continuation of this series. 

[lordcommanderblackhandofto-blog]

Weekly Migraine #2

Ok, so today is the day of the second migraine, but as before, I don’t really know how to pull out 300+ words from the chosen topic. That being said, I thought I’d go into my so far endgame/dream in life.

For years and years since I was 3 (yes I can remember that far back), I wanted to play in the NBA specifically. In all honesty I can’t remember why. Maybe being a young, poor, black kid from scarborough had something to do with it. I worked really hard at it by myself, in between playing make believe until, around grade 7 when I joined my first team. We didn’t have the money before to do so, but this coach allowed my mom pay in parts. It soon dawned on me that I was very underdeveloped as a player compared to these other guys who were playing on teams for years. My 1 on 1 abilities were pretty good, but I couldn’t compete well in a team setting. Pains of being ridiculously introverted. On top of that i played without my (much needed glasses) for years. Not making any excuses, my progress was always limited because although I really enjoyed the sport, I struggled mentally to get myself to practice in the off seasons. So I always came back every years, out of shape and lacking certain things that made me so good during the season. “Snakes and Ladders”. I stopped playing on non-school teams around grade 11-12 because, I couldn’t afford it anymore. My mom had a change of jobs and I had to start working at a crummy pizza store.

There was a point in my late high school life where I had no goals. Yes I was still interested in basketball, but gradually with the help of a teacher work to rule/strike in the winter/fall of 2012/2013, I sort of forced my love of the game away. I didn’t enjoy losing at something I loved anymore and I lost the urge to push forward past all that “failure”. so it was either “quit” or struggle through that even longer, which couldn’t do clearly. I started switching my focus to various different “realistic careers”, though none really held my attention for long. It was around this time that I started thinking about just getting a well paying job so I could start caring for my family (who were going through dry economic spells at that point). The loss of a dream and change of social space, from school to work, really put me in a dark place.

Thankfully after I managed to find a local free youth psychologist office who helped me get back on track, helping remember a key thing. All through my life there have been 2 things that could make me smile happily no matter what: Basketball, watching, playing or reading about and stories, whether that be reading, watching or writing. So I started writing again. I realized that just like with basketball, I could get into a zone, a special place where the world is forever going your way. I mostly write fiction, but I’m working on my non-fiction essay style writing. I will put in the work to do that because, I really do want to succeed at this. In the near future I’ll be adding my wattpad account to my twitter or tumblr page to allow you (if anyone but my prof even reads my page) all, to see some of my writing. Oh ya if it wasn’t obvious, my goal/dream job right now is to become a great author. #SpreadTheWord.

This brings me to my point. You can always slump around when things don’t work out; or you could look deep down and find a piece of gold that was always there, but never used. Hope this wasn’t a “rant”, but I’m still working on my structure in my writing

Advice for guy: Don’t wear track pants to a first date, wait until she thinks you’re the one.

Advice for women: Winter is coming, don’t go out in a thin crop top and a leather coat and complain about the cold.

Films: Comet with Emmy Rossum and Justin Long

Book: The White Tiger by Aravind Adiga. Only book I was forced to read in school that I liked. Wonderfully funny and inspiring. Though there are some questionable beliefs in the main character, It’s just a very engrossing story with great dialogue.