#weightdiary

[kellyraspberry-blog]

Just weighed in at 111.4, which is basically a full pound more than yesterday! I had a cup of coffee today and now im gonna go kill myself !!!!

[7constellations]

Health Diary -  1

I’ve gained 20kg in the past two years. Gone up two sizes. Before that, in the summer of 2014 I was trying to lose weight and exercising whilst cleaning my eating habits (and had gone vegetarian for 3 months). I lost 6kg in the space of 2 months in July-August 2014. I kept it somewhat off until December, although I stopped being healthy by October. I didn’t think I was at my desired stage yet, although I was pretty confident in my body then. With that lost of weight, I went down a size and half of jeans/dresses, and went from Large to Medium in shirts. After December, I started my now long term relationship - it was wonderful emotionally, it was horrible health wise. He was - and still is - very unhealthy in eating terms (although he’s very skinny, so he never even thought of changing his habits or that his influence could be as bad on me). I have mental issues, and they aggravated by that time - for many reasons. So his influence on bad eating habits, him cooking delicious but fat food, him prefering to eat at junk food places when eating out... made me gain weight. As soon as I got the taste of “trash” food again, I lost control even when I was alone. I started my binge eating problem all over again. I had stopped jogging by September 2014 when college started because of “no time”. It seems like a stupid excuse to me now. I was such an idiot. I was even enjoying going for a run, but I stopped. Mainly because the first week I was out ALL day in college. 

Now back to the present, I look back to pictures of me then and I think “that was wonderful, that’s a great body, that’s ideal, it’s perfect, I wish I had known that then and appreciate it and keep it. But I’ve “thought” long enough. I’m tired of “planning to” lose weight. I want to try and act on it. I am a person who is all or nothing, which is TERRIBLE, hence why I can’t make myself start again, because in my head I need to be perfectly healthy or not at all. But i’m going to try step-by-step this time. Easy baby steps, improving slowly my habits. VERY slowly. I’m planning on setting ONE goal habit to fight off in 2 weeks, if I fail it, it becomes TWO habits to fight off. So if I fail it starts getting “heavier” cargo. If I succeed, I then focus on the second habit, whilst keeping up the first one. For the 2 weeks of the habit in focus, I can’t make exceptions for it. After I accomplish the two weeks, I can make 1 or 2 exceptions per week.

Habit #1 - No coffee -at all- for two weeks. // Sleep earlier than 2:30am in regular days.

It sounds innocent but I drink about 4 cups of coffee per day with two spoons of sugar. I will not want to cut the sugar of it instead, I wanna still drink coffee as sweet, I just want to contain myself more and limit it to 1 per day when the challenge is over, or only when out with a friend in a coffee shop. As much as it is going to be hard as hell, it’s the least bad thing I do, the rest is pretty worse and harder to cut.

I’m adding sleep habits as well to each ‘one’ habit because it is the major cause of stress in my life and my very worst habit, I think it’s the aggravator of all the others. I’ll need to start slow, I know myself well enough to know if I don’t do this way, I’ll fail at day two.

P.S: I have anxiety D., binge eating D., insomnia due to anxiety and bursts of depression. 

[blueveinedhand-blog]

Excited

I realised I just did a whole week of the Pink Diet on my pre-period week - I overcame (most) of my huge cravings! I’m going to start uploading pics this weekend so I have a visual diary too :3

Also (unrelated), at the moment I am a tattoo designer but a tattoo studio is about to call me about an apprenticeship!