#weird personal rant

[kaijukafka]

It's so weird being the child of a young mother and growing up alongside and reverse of them. My mom lost the years of discovering herself and life lessons because she was raising me and my siblings and being a pseudo adult. Now as an adult myself, with no kids THANK GOD, I'm watching my mother make weird decisions and just in general do some funky ass stuff that makes me wonder 'where did my mom go?' only to realize that this is her, just taken off the childhood pedestal. It's weird being a young adult and being more mature than your parent though..and like wanting to have the justification of the emotional turmoil it causes but also rationally understanding that she was too young to be a mom and it changed how she experienced things so I can't fully blame her.

[greensleeve]

Why do so many people want to touch me all of a sudden? Like it feels that not a day goes by anymore without someone just randomly touching me. Usually just on the shoulder or the upper back but still what the hell

[princessofpylea]

Is there an electrician tumblr? I need homework help lol. Like for real I wish I had like.. Some ppl to talk to about my school stuff, like most of my friends don't know shit about electrictiy (affectionately) Or they're like IT so they know some overlapping stuff. Like, I was this close to just quitting but I have until next week to pass or fail and gonna give it my best but it's fucking hard to do all this stuff alone, and I'm scared of my classmates, soo.. Good fucking luck to me, but I'm gonna try, which is more than I've done for most things in like 10 years or what er

[doctorangelpenguin]

There's no feeling quite so weird as being a thrift store type of girl in a Macy's

Looking around at the shoppers and suddenly being acutely aware of yourself and your movements, your clothes, your personal history and life choices, wondering how the fuck anyone can in good conscience pay $260 for a coat, even if they can afford it and just wishing for the love of God that you can escape to the target next door

[averywiseanimatedcat]

idk weird vent? 

I feel like I have to constantly and actively raise my standards in guys. Like I meet a really sweet one the other week, and I’ve been going back and fourth between maybe making an excuse to contact him again (I just bought something off him but he was a really sweet farming dude and idk I had a feeling but I know very little about him) 

But anyway I’m always worried when I meet a genuinely decent guy who possibly maybe slightly fits what I want-that I’ll never find another one...? Like if I don’t look at this one I might miss a very rare opportunity. And then I want to slap myself because that’s a stupid reason to go after someone just because they’re not a total dick head 

I’m a pretty cynical person when it comes to romance, I vent all that soppy stuff on my ships. I don’t believe in soul mates and one true loves etc...just sounds like a load of baloney to me. But at the same time I WANT to believe in fate and things happening for a reason..like if you and someone are compatible that you will meet again. And idk if that’s just an excuse I make up to ignore things and not go outside my comfort zone. Which is highly likely considering my first relationship was emotionally abusive and now I have a horrific fear of commitment and emotional attachment. 

At the same time I would also like to remove the part of me that has a desire for a relationship because that sounds way freaking easier. I don’t like kids so that’s totally not a problem. Like why I can’t just be happy with 10 cats, 5 horses and my family? Whyyyyy do I want a guy who’s just gonna try and control me and be a pain in the ass? 

Stupid basic human desires are stupid and make the bar drop. Then I shove it back up again and the second I see a good looking guy it drops again, then he talks and it generally goes up coz he said something dumb and it rockets up into space somewhere

Constant conflict that drives me nuts really would like to just switch it off and not care because I am so particular about the kind of person I want. I feel like I’m never going to find someone 99% of the time. So I really don’t know why I bother, to me there is no point in settling for someone you don’t want. Either get what you want, or stay alone coz it’s less trouble. But that’s depressing, so I go nuts over CS because they’re amazing and I see parts of myself in both of them. Emmas past and Killians personality are things I relate to hugely so it’s way more fun than real men   

[cityofheavenlydevices]

it's strange because I've been having so much success lately. I'm progressing really well on my first two guitar songs, my paintings have been improving, people are even asking to buy them. My incredibly talented sister even gave me a compliment on my hand drawings I worked so hard on. My classes are steadily improving since my break down. My sleep cycle is recovering. So why does it not feel like enough?? These are things I've always wanted but something inside me wants to do little more than lie in bed and listen to music and maybe sleep. I can spend hours sitting on a bench on campus doing and thinking of absolutely nothing. I'm practicing guitar everyday which I've never done with an instrument but I have so little motivation right now? I'm like a walking spiral of contradictions and messed up emotions. I feel like something's lacking in my life and like maybe it's a person? A friend or something? But I've met so many fantastic friends so that's not even accurate. I don't know. Somethings just really off kilter right now.

[legolaspunx]

Is it wrong of me to just want to be extended some human decency like holy shit. Like I have fairly casual sex with this guy who lives a few blocks away from me and like he always manages to blow me off like 4 out of 5 times and he like tries to tell me what to do, so I get mad at him and I'll call him out on it. And then he gets all weird like he thinks Im emotionally attached to him and unstable or something but in reality he kinda makes me sick, and Im just like, no, man, I just want you to stop being an asshole. Like if were gonna hang out stop treating me like trash. I wish I could stop wasting even a little bit of time on him but I do enjoy his company from time to time so I would like to stay in touch. Whatever I'll just like blow his brother or something so I can be smug and self-satisfied.

[high-voltagerequired-blog]

There's just that one song, that one line in it and everyone has sung it,with just as much emotion every time it's sung it's mutated to be meant towards someone else or yourself, just for that moment.