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artaline

human: *is heating up food*

alien: why are you doing that?

human: you see i want the particles in my food to vibrate at just the right frequency

alivesmilinggirl

Human: *is eating ice cream*

alien: wait you forgot to make that one vibrate!

human: well, you see, not with this food

mockiato-deactivated20200315

This one is already vibrating at he desired frequency, but if it starts to vibrate at a higher frequency I lock it back in the cold box.

asgardreid-deactivated20180407

Human: *just reheated pizza in the oven*

Other human: *is eating a slice of the same pizza, but cold*

Alien: *exasperated sputtering*

ritavonbees

Human: shots! shots! shots!

Alien: this liquid has negligible nutritional value and, furthermore, contains some molecules that I believe are poisonous to your species.

Human: …look, sometimes we just like to gather in social groups and disorient ourselves

serenaagh

Human: *grabs a packet of ramen*

Alien: Based on my research of your species, you shouldn’t be able to consume that without suffering heavy detriment to your human body.

Human: …look man, I’m in college. I can barely afford this house with roommates. Let me appreciate this 50 cent block of sodium ridden noodles.

iwillnotshutup

Alien 1: The human consumed this harmful “ramen” because it is affordable. I saw many others consuming unhealthy but affordable foodstuffs from a place called McDonalds. Based on this, I think we can reasonably assume that all foodstuffs that are unhealthy are also affordable, and that humans will slowly die off because of their economic system.

Alien 2: I visited a different land mass. There were several humans called “sushi chefs” preparing raw fish foodstuffs. The most expensive was made from the carcass of a poisonous blowfish. It was very popular among the wealthy humans.

Alien 3: The land I visited had no nearby places to engage in commerce to trade precooked food. I interviewed a family that trapped and killed animals for dinner. They ate venomous rattlesnakes.

Alien 1: *throws clipboard in the air and storms off*

a-cute-lil-octopus

[Human casually munches peppers]

Alien: According to my scans, that organic matter contains highly corrosive chemicals. Are you sure you should be consuming it?

[Human chokes]

Alien: Human! Are you injured? Do you require assistance??

Human: Ahahaha no no I’m fine, it’s just *snicker* these are just jalapenos!

Alien: ……….request clarification?

Human: I usually go for habaneros, man. Hell, I have a buddy who took two bites of a ghost pepper on a dare.

[Alien consults space Google]

Human: ………Hey man, you okay?

jewishdragon

I’m dying the alcohol one happened in Star Trek the original series

nanofabrication

The World’s Smallest Snowman stands less than 3 microns tall. The snowman was fabricated from three 0.9 micron silica spheres stacked with the use of electron beam lithography. The eyes and mouth were cut with a focused ion beam while the arms and nose were sculpted with platinum.

thestagpatronus

ALL questions pottermore patronus test

I stumbled upon this reddit post whose author uses data from this post to create a quiz featuring ALL the questions from the pottermore patronus test to give you your “best fit” patronus.

As we know with the ilvermorny and hogwarts tests, there is a huge difference in accuracy when comparing a quiz with all the questions available vs when taking it on pottemore with a limited and varying questions, and a lot of people were unhappy with their patronus because they thought it didn’t fit their personality.

So, if you want to retake the patronus test or see the patronus you would receive in a 38 question quiz rather than a 5 question quiz, click here.

Side note: don’t be afraid to click none if neither answer feels right, it makes the answer more accurate for your personality

high-voltagerequired-blog

I got a thestral. That's so perfect.

kimpossibooty

Things That Happened On My First Day At Target

-Sold lingerie to an eighty year old woman

-Got a free salted caramel frappacino from the suspectedly gay barista, Parker

-Sold a bra to the mom of a sixteen year old girl who was cringing the entire time

-Had a very engaging conversation with a three year old boy about colors. We both like blue.

-Served an old woman who I thought had an impressive mustache, but it was just nose hair

-Watched her and two other women with her get trapped between two sets of automatic doors because they did not understand how to open them. How they got through the first set, I still do not know.

-Sold fifteen gallons of kitty litter to a soccer mom who refused to break eye contact

-Got a second free starbucks drink. This one was a pumpkin pie one that wasn’t even on the menu. I like this barista man.

-Gave dozens of children stickers. Several of them squealed when they got them. This is the best part of my job.

-Sold an old man $200 of furniture and got him to sign up for a Target credit card. Before he finished the last step, he turned and walked away with his cart without a word.

-He still hadn’t paid. I called him back and he apologized, saying “sorry, sometimes my diabetes makes me do that.” He didn’t finish getting the card.

-A woman came up with $220 of items. After a wad of coupons and a stack of free gift cards from other promotions, her total went down to $55. I want her to teach me.

-Saw a girl skipping down the aisle in what can only be described as a pink princess fairy wedding dress. She was filled with happiness and if I hadn’t been on the clock I would have taken her. At the very least, I want that outfit for my own.

-Got approached by a large man named Jason. He told me not to steal. I will take this advice to heart.

-Met a woman referred to only as The Cat Lady. She asked if I wanted her to buy me a keychain from Ross. I told her I had no keys. She nodded solemnly and walked away, whispering their exact location inside Ross, just in case.

-Got called into the HR Head’s office at the end of my shift. I was expecting to be yelled at for some reason. She and another lead showered me in compliments for ten minutes straight, saying a lot of managers had been saying great things about me all day. Not what I expected, but I’ll take it.

kimpossibooty

Day Two:

-Intimidating farmer man in overalls and pigtails came through my checkout. He bought a bucket. He spoke no words. He made no eye contact. He left me with questions.

-Three college boys came through, each buying spandex and makeup wipes. They spoke no words. They made too much eye contact. They left me with more questions. I question when this job will provide answers.

-A three year old came through, pushed by his personal chauffeur. He bought one small Spider-Man onesie. He carried out the entire transaction on his own. He was the most polite customer I have had so far.

-Three people walked away without their change. Only two returned.

-A man bought thirty light bulbs with a coupon. He told me he did not need thirty light bulbs. He just likes coupons.

-He then walked to customer service, claiming to have returned several things he did not mean to. He then walked a lap around the store and left. He did not leave the store with his light bulbs. They were nowhere to be found.

-A customer came through looking nervous. She leaned over the counter. She whispered to me. Someone had pooped in the baby supplies aisle. All evidence pointed to it not being a baby.

kimpossibooty

Day Three:

-Two children came through the line. They were chanting to their mom through heavy streams of tears. “WE WANT STICKERS MOMMY.” There were no stickers at any of the registers. They continued crying. I failed my people.

-An old woman bought five bottles of wine and a large bottle of vodka. Her license told me she had lived through World War II. Her smile told me she was still living.

-I sorted through the candy in the checkout lanes. I was meant to set aside candy that had expired in the last month. A box of Kit Kats was found that had expired in February of 2015. One was missing. I hope the poor sap is okay.

-Clearance school supplies have arrived. A man bought 71 spiral notebooks for $6. A woman bought 110 folders for $4. I hope they meet each other. I would like to see the child of two math problem characters.

-A bearded man named Rusty came through. I sold him a bottle of Crystal Light powder and a gallon of water. The powder was empty. The water jug had an inch of pink water left in it. How long has he been inside the store already. His beard intimidated me too much to ask.

-An elderly man in a fedora pushed two full carts into my lane. They were both filled to the brim. He bought 52 12-packs of Mountain Dew. 12 were diet. He repeatedly told me he was 80 years old. As I handed him his receipt, he leaned in and whispered, “I’m going to get DRUNK.” He pointed at his carts, smiled at me, and scurried away with his definitively alcoholic purchase. I wonder if he knows. I wonder if he cares.

wonderlustandwanderlust

concept: someone gives an android/robot a kitten and the robot gets so concerned whenever she stops purring because no little creature your motor and so they spend hours petting her and cuddling figuring out what gets those little motor sounds working and then they hand it over to their human friend like i have maximized optimal motor output for this being and i find its presence very pleasant

floccinaucinihilipilificationa

clickthefrog

korota37

FUCKING THIS

spidergvven

this is especially important because historical precedent tells us that conservatives overwhelming back a single party while liberals/progressives/radicals split their vote, trump doesn’t need 51% majority to win

clefsandlasers-deactivated20190

if usain bolt played a concert Bb on a trumpet while running past you at his 100m wr pace, you would hear the note almost exactly a quarter step sharp when approaching you and almost exactly a quarter step flat as he runs away

this is what I do with my master’s degree

thej-key

So, is it possible to write a song that sounds entirely different if someone’s approaching in a very fast car, versus when they’re driving away?

Because that’d make an interesting music video that’d probably involve a boom box and a NASCAR track.

clefsandlasers-deactivated20190

absolutely - it would change both the pitch and the timing. fill a bus with band kids, open the windows, and have them blast a Bb major chord while the bus drives at 94 mph. if you’re listening while stationary on the side of the road, the band would sound like an Ab chord ~30 cents flat on approach and an in-tune C chord while driving away

thej-key

Is there a video of this kind of thing being done? Because I think there’s some songs to write around this principle. Like, you have stationary musicians and also a band on a bus on a track…

clefsandlasers-deactivated20190

not as far as I’m aware. there may pieces that use deliberate musician placement for cool timing effects, but appreciable, tunable differences with the doppler effect require high enough speeds that it may not be practical. you could always try filling that niche :D

61below

Somebody call the mythbusters!

dying-dog

cynological

That’s a weird dragon.

roachpatrol

shut up i love her

faggottt

Aw same

shitpostgenerator

what if cats had legs

butchyena

im about to make shitpostgenerator’s god damn day

abracadang-blog

high-voltagerequired-blog

Medium

micdotcom

Watch: John Cena continues, “So, let’s try this one more time. Close your eyes.”

togifs

luvthatsmile

Life after graduating college in America.

bangsdickyeobo-deactivated20131

Never has anything been more accurate.

breastforce

“Particularly prone to serious procrastination problems are children who grew up with unusually high expectations placed on them…or else they exhibited exceptional talents early on, and thereafter “average” performances were met with concern and suspicion from parents and teachers.”

Holy SHIT

t-ycho

WELL THEN

appropriately-inappropriate

Yep.

They actually tested me for a learning disability in high school because I was consistently failing math.

They discovered that I actually scored in the 80th percentile in that sort of learning.

Problem was, in every other subject, I was in the 99.8th percentile.

I had never learned how to study because I never needed to—and then, when something proved to be even the slightest bit challenging, my brain went

“LOL nope this is impossible abort”

Meanwhile, this entire time I’m scraping by in subjects like English. The assignments I did turn in, I’d score top marks—but I’d avoid turning in projects I didn’t think were “good” enough.

Essentially, my brain had two settings: “100%” or “0%”.

This sort of Baby Genius shit makes kids and adolescents neurotic and self-destructive.

cassiebones

We learned about this in Child Development. And we learned to reward hard work and not good job. Like don’t say to a child, “oh you are so smart.” Say “Oh did worked so hard.” Be proud of the child, not the achievement.

beyondthetemples-ooc

Be proud of the child, not the achievement.

thalassarche

Decades of research have been done on this by Dr. Carol Dweck. When the emphasis is placed on effort (a factor people can control) rather than talent (an innate skill), it’s a lot easier to see mistakes as a learning opportunity rather than something you just won’t ever be good at. And kids who were encouraged by effort were also more willing to take on more challenging work and considered it a lot more fun, while the kids who were praised for their intelligence were reluctant to put themselves in a situation where they might lose that identifier as a “smart kid” by making mistakes, so they preferred to do work they were confident they could master. Also, the kids praised for effort wanted to compare their results to kids who got higher scores, to see where they made their mistakes, while those praised for intelligence wanted to compare their results to kids who scored lower, to reassure themselves.

Not only does this set up “smart” students for a lot of trouble when they enter college and start being regularly challenged, the effects last long beyond that. It can be very hard for the “you’re so smart!” kids to unlearn as they become adults and struggle with even common adult things, and are afraid to ask for help because of that lesson they learned from misguided praise that they are supposed to be smart and supposed to know the answers.

kyanve

…Honestly +1 here. It’s very well researched and documented and yeah. Making the emphasis on “You succeed and we are proud of you b/c you are SMART as an intrinsic quality!” makes failure/setbacks/difficulty -TERRIFYING- b/c if you’re “smart” it doesn’t happen and if you fail that means you’re not smart and that’s what everyone’s drilled into you as your main point of worth.

And the rates of anxiety disorders among “gifted student” kids are kinda horrifying.