The six times Miles Miller pushed himself into the unknown of his recovery + the one time he learnt to let go.
A/N: Hi everyone! So after saying I can't write full fics, the boredom took hold and here we are. I've (attempted) to write a Miles a few years out from the film so hopefully it still reads as him even if he is a bit more functional. Should get the chapters out pretty quick and then disappear back into the shadows of lurking from whence I came. Mwah xoxo
Content warnings: eventual smut but for now, canon typical drug use, swearing, Miles' PTSD and period typical sexism.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapter 1
What absolute fucking idiot decided a veterinary practice needed to be open seven days a week in a deadbeat town where half the population had farm animals that were eaten as soon as they limped funny. The man on the sign staring right back at her that's who. Somehow he'd managed to get the teeth to shine on paper liked they were made out diamonds. Shame Mr Tillerson couldn't put those magic powers into running a viable business.
Kalida Veterinary Practice: Give me your old dogs, your poor lost strays, your huddled masses of hamsters yearning to breathe free from pain.
Gail Peters had her notice written up before the sign had even gone up. Mr Tillerson had worked on that sign for weeks, trying different shit eating grins and speed reading every major work of literature for a quote to parody. He laughed every morning he came through the door and read that sign, flashed the same pose to Gail and gave her a motivational pep talk to hype her up for the most beautiful, perfect day of work ahead.
The end times couldn't come soon enough. And still, in this whole godforsaken town, to this most godforsaken resident, he was probably the one who she would be sad for if they got hit by a bus. Which was why, on the last day of winter, nine hours into a shift with exactly zero customers, she sat at the front desk, nose deep in a travel guide of New York. She would find her way out of this town one day. Gail plotted out the art galleries she'd visit on her first week in the big city as the sharp ring of the doorbell startled her, book crashing to the floor as she caught her breathe. The demise of Kalida Veterinary Practice has been delayed by one more day. Damn it.
A quick cluster of knocks banged against the front door as a shadowy figure peaked its head around the window, eager to see if there was any life in the building. She couldn't make out any of the strangers details, outdoor lights were a luxury they couldn't afford, but he buzzed with an anxiety that set her on edge. So it was either it was a real emergency or an axe murderer, win win.
"Sorry, hold on one moment" she called out. The figure stilled and disappeared to stand outside the solid door. She unlocked it and there stood a man she'd only seen out of the corner of the eye as she went about town. A man who took up as little space as possible, like a cryptid who disappeared as soon as you turned to focus on him. Now the rain had solidified him into a mess of soaked clothes that tied him to the ground, the hood of his coat drawn forward over as much of his face as possible. He was holding a bundle of towels that seemed to shift slightly.
"Hi. Um, it's Miles right?" He looked shocked that he knew him but nodded once.
"Yes Miss, and I'm sorry to come just before you're closing but..."
Meow.
He looked down, his eyes softened as he bounced the bundle up and down. "I found her just outside the back of the convenience store I work at in one of dumpsters. She was trying to climb out but it looks like a dog or something got a hold of her."
Gail put her arms out to take the cat bundle and he carefully transferred her over. "Thanks Miles, let's bring her to Mr Tillerson."
"Oh thank you, thank you. I thought I hadn't made it in time..." His jaw clenched as he tried to calm his breathing. He looked like he had run a mile but if he came from the SaverMart it must have only taken three minutes top. Huh.
She gave him a reassuring smile and ushered him inside from the cold. The cat turned it's tiny black head to find Miles again and meowed. "I think she likes you."
He blushed, "Oh no, she probably just wants to take another swipe at me. She was pretty feisty. Didn't want to go down without a fight did you sweetheart?"
He pulled his hood down and tilted his face towards her, healed scars lining the side of his visage, skin tight and raised in a scattershot of small wounds. She had heard about him of course, the war hero who left town and mysteriously returned years later, face marred in some way that he never talked about. She couldn't understand why someone would come back after finally escaping. Rumors swirled around the town but he had seemed happy to let the consensus settle on him being in a car accident. No one ever asked for details on something so commonplace.
She felt awkward suddenly, his eyes looked sad, incongruent with his attempt to address the elephant in the room with grace. Gail figured he did this often to make the other person feel comfortable. "Don't worry Miles we'll get her fighting fit as soon as possible and then she can finish the job."
She brought the cat into the vets office and left Miles and Mr Tillerson to wrestle the stray. As she closed the door Miles turned and gave her a small nod in thanks, ducking his head just enough for the flailing paw of the unruly patient to swipe his chin.
------------------------
Gail sat back at her desk, book lazily hanging from her hand as it went unread. The clamour of trays and utensils crashed to the floor disturbing her peace, the carcophany only drowned out by the screaming match between the cat and Mr Tillerson. Soft coos eventually calmed the both of them as Miles settled his "little sweetheart" long enough that she could be sedated.
So that was the man everyone had talked about when she first arrived five years ago. He had just left then but that hadn't stopped everyone talking about the pride of the town like he'd single handedly won the war. She couldn't help the twinge of jealousy, even his shadow shone brighter than she did here.
Gail had always wanted to go to New York as soon as she had escaped home. And at twenty two years old she scraped enough money so go all of two towns closer. But hey. She'd gotten further than the last five generations of her family. As small as Kalida was it was still bigger than her hometown of farmsteads and the same two bars selling the same two brands of beer that served as the towns nightlife.
For all of one year she was content enough, she had a small circle of friends, a flat, a stable job as a secretary for the town doctor and the local lakes on her doorstep. Sure there wasn't the Metropolitan but there was a decently stocked library, a drive in theatre and a minor League baseball team the town over that she never missed.
But she hadn't got far enough to escape her past and now she needed out.
And here was the man who had and found the outside world wanting. The all American hero in the all American town with his buttoned up shirt, hazel curled hair and the crucifix shining around his neck. He seemed nice but he'd be just like the rest in the end, and you know what? Good for him. What did she care. A town like this would always bend backwards for people like him.
The door opened and Miles came out with the same damp clothes but fresh towels for the cat as it slept soundly in his arms. Mr Tillerson followed behind, "Okay Miles, we'll see you next week for her check up and make sure she takes these tablets every day. Gail, here's the bill for Miles. Once he's paid you head off and I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks for all your hard work today."
Bullshit, she thought as she hid her book under the desk. But as ever, there was no sarcasm under her bosses overwhelming positivity.
"Have a good evening, sir."
Miles stood in front of the desk with the cash in his hand. His eyes locked in on Gail in a way that made her squirm, studying her throughout her goodbyes. What the fuck's your problem?
Miles eyes grew wide, mouth agape in horror.
Shitshitshitshit had she said that out loud?
"I-I-Im so so sorry I didn't mean to-"
"-No I'm sorry I don't- I don't know where that came from, it's been a long day."
"I deserved it it's okay-"
"No you didn't I-"
They both stopped their apologies just long enough to let the other speak but when neither did the tension disapated and Gail started to laugh. Miles looked startled before visibly relaxing. He still giggled nervously in an attempt to match her reaction, turning his face into his shoulder, hiding his wounded cheek.
"I am sorry," he mumbled. "Don't answer but it was just... I noticed you didn't seem to like your boss very much. Just wondered why and guess my face forgot it was in public. I-I didn't mean to make you u-uncomfortable." He faced her properly again and put the money down on the counter with a barely there "thank you".
Oh wow, someone's more perspective than they look. Blunt too. Huh.
She took the money and handed him the receipt. He took it gratefully and started his retreat when Gail recovered enough to clear her voice. "It's not that I don't like him."
Miles turned his head, his shoulders squared out like he was preparing himself for an onslaught. She stammered as she quickly tried to placate him like the scared animals that came through their door. Her voice mellowed, "he's the kindest man I know, even when I've given him no reason to be... He just makes it harder to leave."
He smiled sadly and nodded like he understood. But there was no way someone like him could. Miles looked like he wanted to say something else but his mouth opened around empty breaths that died in his throat. She let it go. She was tired and she wanted to go home and listen to the baseball.
"Have a good evening Miles. And be careful, black cats are bad luck."
"Bad luck for her but you're good luck for me, aren't you Bobbie?" He raised her up and nuzzled his chin against the top of her head before quickly recoiling. "Ow, got me good didn't you?" He said to himself. Gail saw him suck in his bottom lip to flex his chin to feel out the extent of the cat scratch.
"Come here a sec." He heard rather than saw the desk drawer close as she got up and walked towards him.
And then something weird happened. He froze. Did he think she was going to hit him? No, of course not. He was boyish sure, but he was a good head taller than her and even under his baggy clothes she could see the outline of his biceps. That didn't stop her instinctively slowing her steps to walk quietly as she saw his eyes scrunch close the closer she came.
He swayed just slightly as he fought to keep himself present, hearing Bobbie's weak cries for help and the fear of being shouted at for being a freak all caught up to him as the slam of the desk drawer sent him back to the El Royale. What had she picked up? A gun? Not again- And as quickly as it started to spiral, a soft touch to his chin brought him back around.
"Here, it's just a plaster." She flattened the edges, face close to his to check she had covered it all. No one had come close to touching his face since that dreaded day at the El Royale. She was... Careful with him. He braced himself for her hands to wander up his jaw to satisfy some morbid curiosity for what his scars felt like but instead her hand retracted as soon as the plaster was secure.
He all but ran out of the door leaving her stood alone in the practice. Her gaze followed him as he went out again into the rain, his hood kept down as the rain soaked his hair. Shit Gail, what did you do this time? She would have to make it up to him. The sign of Mr Tillerson stared back at her.
Fuck fuck fuck.
Chapter 2
Miles sat by himself in the corner of Wabang's number one and only dive bar, a cold glass of whisky kept his hands busy as the melting ice refilled the glass quicker than he was drinking it. The sound of chatter and music drowned out the thoughts he'd driven all the way down the highway to escape from, the hum of the engine a barrier from the terrifying silence of his home.
Even the air felt sticky here, the years of stale beer defying science and congealing into every nook and cranny. Miles didn't recognise the music playing over the speakers. Nearly all of his cultural touchstones stopped the day he was shipped to war. If Wabang was stuck in the past compared to the rest of the world, then what did that say about him that the music here felt too modern for his tastes? He felt like one of characters from a B sci-fi movie that he used to love, stuck in a time he wasn't built for. Now those films felt too quaint to hold his attention. He missed them. Missed the person he was that could enjoy them.
The sleeves of his cardigan cocooned him from the draft of the window. The table was decidedly less comfortable than ones on the otherside of the bar but this corner let him keep the scared side of his face under shadow. The only way this night could get any worse was if a drunk came up to him demanding to know what had happened.
Miles had given up people watching. It felt too painful seeing all these folks hang out together without a care in the world. Like the earth wasn't rotten to the core. Like they could get drunk and drive home safely, trust each other not to take advantage and do it all again the next day and expect the same safety again and again. Maybe there was someone behind the mirrors here watching them, waiting for their moment of weakness. So naive, so stupid.
He worried the ends of his crucifix, trying to drive the thoughts away. He wouldn't be like his father.
"Hey, is this seat taken?"
Miles looked up slowly like he was coming out of a deep sleep. Above him stood the receptionist at Bobbie's vet. She looked... Radiant. Maybe it was the sips of whisky talking and he had lost his tolerance or the oppressive bar made everyone look like an angel sent to the depths of hell to rescue it's most loathsome inhabitants.
"Um... Umm ah yeah, yeah of c-course". Even in his stunned state he remembered his manners and stood as she sat down with her beer.
"Didn't have you pegged for a place like this Miles". She pretended not to notice the way his eyes glazed over at her choice of words. Work was boring sure, but teasing Miles these last few weeks had become her new favourite sport.
"O-oh no I guess not. Could say the same-um...". He fussed with the sleeves of his cardigan again looking decidedly uncomfortable as he dropped what he was saying. She wanted to smile at his discomfort but for once that wasn't why she approached him.
"Ha, it's okay. This is exactly my kind of place, you can say it". It was unfair how easy he made it to tease him when she was trying to be nice.
"I... Didn't want to come across as rude. There's nothing wrong w-with that."
"Not rude, just honest. You... Aren't like most people around here. You don't say just what people want to hear, even though I think you'd rather just not say anything at all".
He smiled his small impish grin that she had come to appreciate when he came to his appointments for Bobbie. A genuine small, a small trophy she had to win from him.
She kept waiting for the shoe to drop as he turned on her like most of the town did, but he hadn't. He gave her the same polite greeting every time he visited and as he went to leave he lingered longer than she would let anyone else do for casual conversation. Their chats always ended awkwardly however as Miles seemed to hesitate to leave like there was something else he always wanted to say but couldn't. But then again, maybe she was projecting as that was certainly her reason. She couldn't deny it anymore, she wanted to know more about him. No, what she wanted was for him to finally disappoint her so she could move on. She wanted to ask why he came back, what had happened to cause him to look so sad when he thought no one was watching. Why had he froze when she came towards him that first day?
"I try to be honest... Had bad experiences not being. But im sure you notice I'm not the best at not putting my f-foot in it."
"About that.." she murmured as encircled the rim of her beer bottle with her nail, talking to it rather than him. It made Miles feel strange seeing her become the uncomfortable one. "I actually came over the apologise-".
"-y-you don't have to-"
"-Yes I do", she had solemnly. He knew better than to argue. "I shouldn't have shouted at you that first time. And... You looked uncomfortable when I put the plaster on but I didn't know what to do so I panicked and kept going and I shouldn't have done. So I'm sorry. And... I'm sorry this sorry has taken so long."
"W-we do a lot of apologising don't we?"
"Yeah and I hate it. I've never been wrong about anything ever before so let's agree to stop being idiots before you damage my reputation for being a bitch."
She thrust out her hand for him to shake. He shook his head in disbelief and quietly laughed as he firmly took her gesture of goodwill in a warm embrace.
"Miles Miller," he said, "sorry about everything all of the time so let's leave the apologies implied."
"Gail Peters, never wrong about anything ever so no apologies needed."
"The ho-honour is all mine."
They let go, the surrounding bar long forgotten in their bubble they'd made between them.
"By the way, I don't think you're a b-bi-... You know what, if that means anything".
His admission shouldn't have made her heart skip a beat. His boyish looks came through all the more the more sincere he became, like he was shedding whatever experiences had tried to whether him down. She wondered if he did this for anyone else as often as he did for her.
"It...", she sighed, "Does, actually." As cute as vulnerability was on him, didn't mean she had to like it on her. "Doubt you'd find many people who'd agree with you."
"-Why?" He countered quickly. Well, well it's not just me who has questions.
"No one tell you about me?"
"Honestly I've not heard anyone but Mr Tillerson speak of you- sorry no that came out wrong, shit- sorry um."
She kicked his foot under the table. "Miles Miller you didn't even last a minute."
"I know! I know! Im-... Implying you know what right now", he laughed.
Mischief sparkled in her eyes. Gail leaned forward on her elbows, and gave him her best come hither finger. He leaned forward but maintained a polite distance. Rolling her eyes she used that finger to hook into the collar of his shirt. She wanted to tug him forward but that voice of caution that she heard only on birthdays and major holidays stopped her. She didn't want to make him uncomfortable again but to her surprise he swallowed once. Hard. And then leaned in further without encouragement.
Giddy, she whispered, "Tell you what, I'll forgive you and answer your question if my good little Catholic boy swears again".
Oh god this wasn't something he needed to learn about himself. "-Fuck."
He hadn't even realised he said it until Gail pulled back and cackled like a banshee in triumph. Their neighbours turned to give them the hard stare but only Miles was affected as Gail came down from her high, slapping her hand over her mouth the stifle the giggles. God, he wanted to hear that again.
"Touche Miles, you know how to give a girl what she wants and then some.'
He was still halfway across the table by the time she halooked hesitant. He stole a glance at the woman before him before retreating his gaze to the safety of bins. Breathe Miles. First steps. 1...2...3...
"That depends... W-were you successful?"
"What do you mean?"
He fully turned to her now, his pinky finger latching onto hers. Be brave. "You said you were out here trying to find a date?... D-did you?"
She stared at him dumbstruck. Is this what she had hoped for all evening and danced around? The All-American boy going out with the town washout? He belonged to another world than her... Didn't he? She wasn't so sure anymore. Last night he had spoken about the town in way she did under her breath every time she was shunned from the community. And he saw right through the righteous facade despite him having everything to gain from it. Maybe...
Maybe he wouldn't let her down.
"Well that also depends, does what I told you last night bother you?"
"What they did bothers me, but no. Not you. Never you. You don't. I-I... It's not my scene but I don't judge those that do."
She pointed at his crucifix around his neck, "Sure, but doesn't he?" Miles shrugged.
"I've learnt he's got bigger concerns... You don't mind about my... thing?"
"No." Short and simple. That's all the was to it for her. "But, you know if you're seen out with me your stocks will plummet faster than the great depression right? I can't even say mine will go up, they'll probably think I corrupted you."
He laughed at that but she couldn't put a finger as to why.
"F-fine with me, losing my share in the town's gossip column sounds like a win on it's own, not to mention the date with the smartest, kindest, most beautiful woman I know."
"Well Mr Miller, with an offer like that how can I refuse?"
"Well you always can, if you want to. Id never want you feel obligated. I'm... I'll need to take it slow but I want to see where this can go if you do".
She nodded vigorously, "Of course. There's a double bill at the drive in of sci-fi movies on Thursday. Fancy it? Obligation free and we can figure out after if you're a diner man afterall. Oh and bring Bobbie, this is all secretly a ploy to hang out with your cat"
"That... actually sounds perfect."
"Great!" She clapped her hands together. "Now!" She announced as she clamoured to stand, joints creeping from being sat on the concrete for hours, "please tell me you can drive home as I'm still a wee bit drunk".
Miles let Gail lift him up off the floor but his legs were still jelly from dehydration and exhaustion. "I-Im sorry I don't think I'm up to much right now." The shame of being so useless after she had so kindly accepted an invitation for a date threatened his fragile semblance of control but Gail propped him against her and started towards the payphone.
"That's okay! Mr Tillerson will pick us up, he's... Kinda cool like that."
"He'd do that? Heh, You really need to treat him better."
"Yeah yeah, not the first date he's picked me up from a dumpster and play your cards right and it won't be the last."
But the innuendo was lost on Miles as he basked in his thoughts. They didn't scare him right now. The chorus line of the voices of the dead slept as he planned the date in his mind.
Sci-fi movies huh? Maybe I can be that person again.
Random tought of the night: For the remainder of the series, I will be assuming every kid with an unkown mother is Audrey's kid. XY? Audrey's. Mylene? I wonder who is known for giving birth then dipping. Nino? The Dad's genes were stronger
obviously with keeping in mind that any thread about it would come with an abuse trigger warning etc, if anyone else wants to have their muse deal with Emma's 'ex' situation like this or let me know! (this is for characters who actually know her, obviously, nothing is coming out of her if there is no trust, there has to be a base, whether it's a romantic ship -ouch there- or a very close friendship)
