What I said: Your husband completely bulldozed over a boundary that was clearly laid out, and when I reminded him of said boundary and gave him the benefit of the doubt, he continued on anyway, further disregarding my boundaries. This was triggering for me, and extremely upsetting. Also I was getting off, so that sucked too. (Note: this last part was added as an afterthought, trying to lighten the mood because I was very uncomfortable.)
What you focused on: I was getting off.
Your response: Why were you getting off when you had other things to do? You shouldn’t have been doing that then, and he had every right to ask about when you were going to do the thing you were supposed to do.
Now the thing is, that wasn’t the fucking point. At all. I knew I had things to do. I had verbally confirmed earlier that I was going to do the thing. I was well aware that it needed to be done, and I was going to do it. Yes, I was getting off when I could have been doing the thing in your eyes. But I needed time in my room alone, for completely unrelated reasons. I only brought it up to try and avoid confrontation. And what did you do? Blamed me for your husband trampling my boundaries. As if there was any way that could possibly be my fault.
And then you had the audacity to claim that neither of you knew about the boundary. But you were the one who helped me set it up. You were literally the one that bought it. So no, I do not believe for a second that you “didn’t know that’s what it meant”. It was quite literally written on the wall. It was a boundary with directions posted. But even if that was the case, you chose your words specifically to make it seem like an outrageous request, when it is extremely normal. “Pretend like you don’t exist” or “Act like you’re in a different dimension” sound completely unreasonable. You know what doesn’t sound unreasonable at all? Do not disturb. But you flat out refused to admit that, and even when I told you that I did not like how you described it and that it made me extremely uncomfortable, you continued to use it anyway. Do you see a pattern here? Because I do. And this is only the tip of the iceberg.
