#wewwwww

[at-the-club]

Visit Original Link

[the-gerard-way-obsession-blog]

i keep putting myself in situations that make me anxious because i feel like my anxiety is something i’ve made up?

[moth-fuzz]

holy shit I turn 20 in a month

[liz-and-the-blue-bird]

Yeah, definitely...

[overtheskysstuff]

[stylesfournips]

Happy birthday 2 me 🌚

[ayaahuasca]

4am.

so much has happened in the short 2 months i’ve been here. you & i fell apart on the 22nd of August. & that sparked off a whole mess of situations. the song mr brightside rly resonates lol. it started out as a kiss how did it end up like this?? now i have two people who are in love with me, but in the public eye, i’m with one of them. and for the other, he & i sneak away whenever we can. it’s so messed up. i have to learn to love the one i’m officially with. he is sweet, kind, caring, funny, and so so so into me (i will never understand why). i don’t want to hurt him. i have to learn to love him, develop deeper feelings for him. with the other one, it’s passion, intensity, dangerous. he’s broken, and i am his peace. he calms me too, in his volatile ways. he has a good heart but a past that eats away at him bc he is wrought with guilt. torments his soul. but when we are together, we are at peace. we forget. i trust him. and he cares for me way too much (i will never understand why either).

i guess that’s always been my problem. i can never fully commit myself to enjoying what i have in the moment. i think too far ahead. i think of my exit. i hold it in my mind as i kiss you, as i make you feel good.

the one thing that came out of this without being too much of a confusion is my geometric wolf tattoo. no regrets in getting it, but i’ll probably get thrown out/culled when my parents find out. my fascination with wolves has never stopped since i was like, 10. and a decade later, i get one on me finally. it serves as a reminder to me to survive, that no one will have your back but yourself. survive alone, or maybe find someone you completely trust and survive with them. it will remind me of this time in my life - that you can love someone with everything you got, you think you’ll be enough for them, you think that it’ll work out in the end, but it doesn’t. and maybe it never will. but better things come too. and perhaps it isn’t such a bad idea to stay alive for these things. or maybe these things don’t matter and i should just die. either way. my handsome wolf will be on my right rib, breathing along with me until i die.

and you. i honestly miss you. the messages you keep sending me, i want so badly to reply. but they tell me i shouldn’t. that it’ll serve no purpose. they ask me what i want to achieve from replying your messages. and honestly, i don’t know. i just miss you. i spent all this time missing you. but to no avail. it doesn’t matter anymore. maybe it never did. so many things remind me of you. i hear a trashy trap song, and think oh how strange i used to give you shit for this but now i dance to it. i say some of the things we used to say to each other, but to other people now. it’s okay. i’ll never know what it’s like to be enough for you. but apparently, i’m enough for this one. and i don’t get why. i just know i’m content with this one. and happy with the other. and that’s going to be the bulk of my worries. no more of you. you’ve made me miss you for long enough.

my mind will never stop being a cage that torments me at night. goodnight.

[dekunutboy]

BWAHHH another one. (dj kahled voice) rules: tag 10 followers you want to get to know better. tagged by coffeee-bean THANK YOUUU Nickname: airwrecka, llama Birthday: april the 6 Star Sign: aries Gender: agender Height: 5'1 .... i think Sexual Orientation: bi !!! Favorite Color: ANY BLUE Time Right Now: 7:55 pm... but its supposed to be like 11 pst (where i live) Average Hours I Sleep: hm... like 9-12 hours. Lucky Numbers: i dont think i have any Last Thing I Googled: zayn's new hair..... Favorite Fictional Character: KEKE too many... okita sougo rn though Favorite Famous Person: beyonce or nicki minaj b ye Celebrity Crush: no one is attractive Favorite Books: im reading this book by ned vizzini i just forgot what it was called Favorite Bands: FOB AND P!ATD Songs Stuck In Your Head Right Now: bts cypher eyees Last Movie I Saw: legally blonde Last Show You Watched: gintama.... Dream Trip: japan/korea Dream Job: ahahahahhahahaah idk What I’m Wearing Right Now: a million volunteers shirt and jogging pants from f21. MY PUMA SOCKS ARE COMFY IM CHILDISH and no tags bc im so hungry and tired and everyone is sleeping except me :(