#what's normal?

[oldlazybastard]

Casually throwing their ideas at you

[kyuutekyu]

Two moods: Either utterly obsessed or simply Uninterested... No in between..

[thedaveandkimmershow]

"Normal"... is an interesting word.

When I use it, whether aloud or in my head, what I really mean is

"The way things used to be."

And what I mean by that...

Is the first coupla months of 2020. Back when we were going to a lot of gigs. Whether they were SoFar gigs featuring Linzy, Linzy & Martin (the virtuoso guitarist), Linzy & Robbie (the virtuoso everything) at The Shop, or one of Linzy's Friday or Saturday night gigs at The Cottage in Bothell.

That was "normal" for us.

And when I use that word now, what I mean is that we're going to a lot of gigs again. We were at The Cottage a coupla nights ago and the place was packed. And it was loud. And everyone was having a great time. 

I was with friends at Tony V's Garage in Everett a month ago for a Little Lies gig and that place was sold out. And it was packed. And it was loud. And everyone was having a great time. 

And both gigs (plus a bunch of shows and dinners in the last coupla months) you could walk right in, no questions asked, so long as you had a ticket or were on a list.

You could walk right in without a mask.

And without a reminder to wear one.

You could walk right in without thinking about Covid.

Hmmmmmm.

Is that a good thing?

No idea.

But it's what I'm thinking about when I use or think of the word "normal".

What really put that word front and center for me, though, is last weekend when Kimmer spontaneously mused aloud...

"I wonder what's playing at the Crest?"

Now that's...

Normal.

We used to wonder that all the time before heading out there for an evening's movie.

And that's a very good feeling.

But.

"Normal" continues to be an interesting word.

We use it to mean the way things usually are. Or the way things used to be.

When that actually isn't actually true.

Because.

The way things used to be is Kimmer's Dad was still alive.

The way things used to be is our dear friend Susan was still alive.

The way things used to be is our daughter held adults in more esteem... right up to the moment they started acting like babies to her face while she worked retail during a global pandemic.

And so on.

So.

Is all that a bad thing?

No idea.

We'll see, I guess.

Basically, the word "Normal" comes with an asterisk for me anymore. And maybe it always should've come with that asterisk because we're always, always marked by experience, especially loss in all its myriad forms. And we carry that experience and loss with us, ever onward, ever forward. And, to some degree, that experience and loss defines and redefines "normal".

Good grief. I haven't even touched on international wars and national riots. Working from home, Zoom meetings, and why we talk at our laptops way more than we used to. The Great Resignation. The cost of things. The unpredictable supply chain. 

All those question marks out in front of us.

Plus, I haven't touched on the deep fractures running every which way through our societies and cultures, our communities and relationships.

Or the fact that we, collectively, no longer share the same objective reality.

Woof.

Does any of it. Seem normal?

Seriously. Does it?

And even if magically it all goes away...

We would, each of us, still bear the marks, the bruises and scars, of our experience and loss.

We would we would we would.

In the end, nothing. Nothing stays the same. Not really. But we pretend there is such a thing as never changing. That there is such a thing as "normal". That there is such a thing as the way things are supposed to be.

Maybe that's one of those behaviors that helps us deal. That helps us get by.

Maybe it's an exquisite coping mechanism to think we can retain or regain something we never really had.

Because I don't know about you...  but our lives are always in motion. There's always something that's changing. There's always something that didn't used to be. There's always something we lose. And there are always surprises, plot twists, that are happily welcome... just as there are those that cause us to gnash our teeth and scream into our pillows.

So I'm learning. Learning how to not set the bar at "normal". Instead, I'm learning to pay attention to what I appreciate. Whether it's a sunny day out and about with Kimmer. Whether it's passing "hello's" with other people on the sidewalk. Whether it's comparing notes with the different people we meet on an almost daily basis.

Or this:

I’m learning to enjoy people indulging their own moments. Like the woman yesterday on the passenger side of a car in front of us, in a long long stretch of vehicles lined up for their respective turns at the local dump.

It's a massively sunny day outside and most of the time our cars aren't moving. Next to us, on the right, is a wonderfully grassy hill with flowers and trees and, at the top, blue sky and clouds.

Next thing we know, the woman throws open her door, walks over to a spot on the grass, bends down to pluck a flower, and returns to her car.

Simple as that.

I enjoyed that moment.

As did she.

Definitely a stop and smell the roses moment.

Definitely a moment of appreciating beauty.

Definitely a moment of human joy.

Oh... I'm not turning into someone who’s relentlessly and always looking at the bright.

Siiiiide of life. 

But I am a firm believer that it's impossible to successfully navigate the future through perpetually gritted teeth.

So there's that.

Anyway... 

Last weekend Kimmer spontaneously mused aloud...

"I wonder what's playing at the Crest?"

And it felt really great to slip back into that unconscious habit.

🙂

[realyoungdarius]

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[harmonyandco]

You know, pre-exam jitters seem to do wonders in motivating my muse to churn out new ideas. Will write something alongside these lines anyway, but curious to see if anyone else is interested: Harry stared at the scene in front of him in stupified wonder, all whilst holding his newly acquired girlfriend. Honestly, when he woke up this morning, he expected a nice normal day studying and worrying about his NEWTS. He should have known this sense of normalicy won't last. The Potter luck made sure of that.

Sima (from Facebook)

[quickienewyork]

What’s Normal?

There are a lot of reasons to write, and I’ve cycled through many of them at various points in my career. People often write to inspire, to remind themselves and others that we are capable of doing great things. Sometimes we write to remember that it’s possible to survive unimaginable suffering, and sometimes we write simply for the sake of escape because in a dangerous world even a few moments of peace can be worth everything.

But one of my favorite reasons to write is a bit more mundane. Sometimes I write to help people feel normal. It’s not grand or especially glorious, but the times in my life when I’ve connected with words on a page and felt like maybe I belong have been life changing for me and I like to try and give that back. And since we live in a world that is constantly telling us we’re not pretty enough, thin enough, strong enough, or good enough, feeling normal can be an act of rebellion all on its own.

So, it’s the moments I realize that someone else pulled a muscle while trying to wipe their ass on the toilet that I feel okay. It’s the times when I realize I’m not quite as neurotic as I thought, and all sorts of people organize their food by color. And it’s the understanding that tons of people have worn the same pair of jeans eight days in a row.

And when it comes to sex it’s even more important, because never has the “are you normal” question been used more as a weapon than when we talk about sex.

So if I can make one more dude feel normal for liking butt stuff, or one more top realize they can cry, then maybe that’s a good thing. Sometime’s it’s the realization that we don’t want sex or we want unhealthy sex. Sometime’s it’s the understanding that we want to fantasize about things we would never want to happen in our real lives. Smacking, hitting, biting, choking, pissing, loving, whispering, inserting, piercing, dangling, and a million other things are all part of the vast array of wants that make us normal.

It’s often the messy things that make us feel the most normal as well because they’re the things we’re all taught not to talk about. But if you fart while getting head, you’re normal. If you cry during sex you’re normal. If you bleed, squirt, spill, drip, or hurt, you are normal.

So I’m glad for the inspiration and the possibilities of magic and great things that I get from some of my favorite books. I’m glad for the safety of escape and the dreams of painless love. I’ll keep writing things that are weird and ridiculous, and I’ll keep reading things that keep me up at night.

But I’ll also try to remember not to leave out the little things. I’ll try to remember not to forget the small things, the dirty things, and the smelly things. I’ll do my best to widen the realm of shared experiences rather than tighten it, because, at the end of the day, all of us have scratched our ass and then smelled our fingers.

-gny

[superjustanotherfangirlstuf-blog]

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GtPW4nB3Ro)

[mirrorskiez]

I get to see my dad today an I'm kinda excited bc I miss my dad but I'm scared he's gonna bring Barbara and I'm all panicky Literally these past few months have been a giant emotional roller coaster I'm so fucking terrified of everything