#whatever blabbs

[whatevsbla]

But I'm sure nothing like that will happen!

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I'm rewatching Psych right now and it's interesting to see how Shawn often being most blind when it comes to people closest to him is definitely a trait he shares with his mom

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Experiencing Homestuck sure is something because usually my tinfoil hat theories are wrong because they're too out there. With Homestuck, they're usually partially right & the actual development is way more bizarre than anything I could've come up with xD

[whatevsbla]

I can never understand people who reduce Starling's motivation to wanting comfort and safety (though that's a major part of it)

If it was, she would've been first to collect the 100 gold coins, which according to Fitz would be a rich sum even for a duke!

[whatevsbla]

questions it would be fun to be asked #9 and #14?

Oooh, thanks for the ask!

9. tell a story about your childhood

This is honestly my favourite story to tell about my childhood because it says a lot about who I am as a person xD

So, when I was elementary schooler-aged, my family lived in a German town so small it might as well be a village. There was a café on the way between my home and my school and sometimes I stopped there for baked snacks. On one such day, I ended up chatting with the baker lady and one of the other customers who was a middle-aged man. With my peers, I was a kid who was either anxiously shy or extravagantly obnoxious, but whenever I had the free reign over a conversation with adults, who tended to be less judgemental, I had a talent for steering it towards the one topic I had a deep interest in: books.

And that was exactly what I did. I absolutely loved kid detective stories and was very impressed to hear the middle-aged man had a whole collection of one of my favourite such book series. Then, I went home and promptly forgot all about it.

Several days later, my father asked me if there was anything I wanted to tell him. There wasn't. Then, he asked if I knew I wasn't supposed to talk to strangers. I knew. So why, then, had I done just that? My reaction was basically "???? what are you talking about, I have never done that in my life".

Turns out, the middle-aged man from the café was my dad's coworker and told him about the conversation we had. I absolutely did not understand his hangups, since I'd been in a public space at the time and was talking to the baker lady as well, but he was set on this counting as an instance of "talking to strangers".

14. what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

However, since everything had gone well, his coworker had actually offered to lend me his collection of detective books (which spanned over 20 copies!). So as you can tell, the lesson I took away from this was that talking to strangers about books is fun and can result in unexpected gifts instead of anything else he intended xD

Bungee jumping! I was this close to trying it out at a Pride I went to while in uni, but the queue was long and I had just eaten, so I chickened out.

[whatevsbla]

12 & 37 👀

Oooh, thanks for the ask!

12. what’s some good advice you want to share?

I had to think about this one because I'm very much a "learn from my mistakes" kind of advice giver xD

But there's a kind of life lesson I keep learning that I think is good advice in general. "There is a reason behind everything, but no matter what it is, you are the one who has to live with it."

When I was younger, I used to fall into the trap of thinking that if only I had it bad enough, or if only I knew the right words and had them fit perfectly, I would become someone who could be helped, with issues that could be solved. These days, when I see people online arguing about their labels or 'intruders' into communities or how their labels make them more right or exempt from societal expectations, that's what I'm reminded of. I understand the appeal of "if only I can claim the right kind of label, I deserve support and if people don't respect that, they're wrong" because it's a kind of acknowledgement that your pain is real and that you deserve the help you need, but it can be a double edged sword as well.

It can make people more respectful towards the perspective of others or it can make people focus so much on their own (legitimate) problems that they push down others, that people are forced to out themselves about aspects of their identities because they will get hated on otherwise.

We're all shaped by so many things, some we aren't even aware of, some that happened long ago and some that are happening right now. Getting a diagnosis did not change anything about who I was before. Yet it definitely impacted my life in a lot of ways, even when I didn't even know such a thing existed - and the very same thing is true for my queer identity as well.

It can be easy to get caught up in words because they definitely matter. But no magic word alone can fix everything and if you don't have it, it does not make what is impacting you less real. So I personally found it more helpful to try and find out my own emotions and desires no matter if they were "real" or "bad" enough or if I had a word to match them to and go from there. It's not easy and I still struggle with it, but either way, there will always be things you can change and things you can't.

37. share a secret

It wouldn't be much of a secret if I shared it here, would it? xD

If it counts, there is something I don't really like to talk about, even if it's not completely secret. But part of the reason I got so attached to Leo from Pandora Hearts as a teen is because I was terrified of losing my grip on reality, of having something I deeply believed to be true to turn out to be delusion. The scenes where he remembered the "world only he saw" and how "Elliot had to be right because he was always the weird one" really spoke to me:(

[whatevsbla]

For the fun questions: 1, 3 and 5 :)

Thanks for the ask, Andy! I've put it under a read more because it gets both long and personal.

1. what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

This is probably the toughest question out of all of these and the one I hoped I would get the most! So thanks again, Andy💜

1: My family and I moving so often. I'm both an immigrant and a child of immigrants. Growing up, I often thought about how different my life would be if my parents had decided to stay in a different country (it's one of the aspects I really liked in everything everywhere all at once too).

Not only did the country I grew up in shape the kind of life experiences I got, but moving around a lot within that country has also led to a lot of changes in my life - for better and worse. I had to get used to letting go and starting over a lot and that still shapes the way I approach the world.

I also often got asked growing up about which I identify with more; which of them is my "real" first language, my "true" homeland. This feeling of transience and of knowing parts of different environments, but not feeling a true sense of belonging to either has also deeply impacted who I am now. I feel capable of being at home both everywhere and nowhere.

It's also influenced me in the way that I am consciously very open about my background. At this point, most people can't tell that I'm not a "potato German" unless I say otherwise, but being bullied for my cultural background as a kid has only made me more determined to do that.

2: discovering my love for stories. My passion for both reading, writing, watching and listening to stories is what drives me the most. It's both my motivation to try new things and my biggest source of comfort. I honestly cannot imagine myself or my life without it!

And funnily enough, I know exactly how it started. When I was a first grader, kids could bring "book recs" to class and read parts of their books out loud. One kid chose a detective series with a very suspenseful moment that caught my ear. Coincidentally, I recognised the same book series in a toy store later and immediately wanted to read it all. It's strange, but looking back, I find it hard to see my younger self as a complete person before that moment. I lost myself in my love for stories and never looked back.

3: being the eldest sibling. I'm not a person who naturally enjoys leadership or being responsible for others. But being the eldest left me in that position quite often anyway and that's shaped me into someone who will step into that role when necessary but give it up the moment I don't have to fulfill it anymore.

3. 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

I get bored of repetition fairly easily and am not usually a rewatching or a movie kind of person. But Spirited Away has been able to hold my interest on every rewatch since the tender age of 6! Hot Fuzz is also very fun because it's a very brain candy kind of movie, but I still end up catching something new on every watch. As the third one, I'd choose the mystery of the third planet. Firstly, I keep forgetting the plot, which makes it very rewatchable. Secondly, I really love showing it to new people and have probably rewatched it the most just because of that. Thirdly, it's very nostalgic and I really enjoy the alien designs:D

5. what made you start your blog?

Irl friends who were using Tumblr as well as seeing fandom posts and fanart on other sites. My very first Tumblr blog was actually named after a BBC Sherlock reference, but I couldn't figure out how the site worked and couldn't recover it. So I decided to make a new one, even though I was convinced it would most likely end up abandoned and unused as well - well! As you can tell, I was wrong xD

That's also the context behind my username: an absolute lack of effort because I thought it wouldn't matter anyway 😂 also because I talk a lot when the day is long

[whatevsbla]

I'm back at having a 2 cat household for now and it's so funny how one of them will follow the other if he strays too far and then hiss at that very same cat when he turns around😂😺