detox
it's been 5 days into December and it's been wild already. the last time I blogged my spirits were high in telling them... but my oh my did it come with a turn. Firstly couldn't even reply within 10hrs, secondly couldn't even make time to have someone confess to them... like how much fear of confrontation could you possibly have to reject an ego boost? so what's done is done I'm not giving you the satisfaction you want. ThirdLY... the next day after the whole situation I was in my temporary stage of mourning and isolation in my room- my friends saw them with another person... not even 24 hrs they really couldn't wait it in their pants...(seeing this in clearer light if you were interested in someone why would you be talking to someone else whilst talking to them... I could never tolerate this indecisive childish behavior)
any who, I've been focusing on me mostly on studies just been grinding away my work but it's been stressful - I had a near all nighter last night trying to finish my design work but it sucks cause my design work is one day before my other final which I yet have to study for... Called my mom for a little and I jokingly said I was having a mental breakdown (I ended up crying to her through the phone) but I'm glad I did cause it feels like a reset to release everything and I really needed it since I've been so emotional lately after finals I'm going to reflect on everything. please period just come I can't DO THIS ANYMORE
never in my life have I ever let a boy get in-between me and my studies... my wallet becomes empty cause im heartbroken? sure. lower self esteem cause I feel like I'm not enough? sure but falling behind in a WEEKS worth of DESIGN WORK? all because of this stress and anxiety from him? that's where the line crosses... after some reflection I'm mad at him but also mad at MYSELF. to let myself cross this level is something I will never let happen again.