How’s it going? Living the dream. ... Really, whose dream?
How are you today? I’m grrrreat. ... Really?
How many times a day do you get asked these questions, and have to fake an answer? Frankly, I’m not fine and I don’t know whose dream this is, but it sure ain’t mine. My dreams are so much bigger and warmer and brighter and more fun. However, I’m certain that the asker doesn’t want to hear the real answer nor do most of them care. It’s sad, really. What unspoken rule says we are supposed to ask people how they’re doing if we really aren’t prepared for the answer? And why does that same unspoken rule say we are supposed to lie to people when they ask us a question? Well, I’m not a big fan of lying so let’s all stop pretending. I don’t have to put on that stupid face in this picture and you don’t have to try to come up with an equally fake answer.
There’s a country song about the difference between “love ya” and “I love you”. It’s really true. There’s also a difference between “how’s it going?” and “are you OK?” I’ve thought about this over the last month or so. I’ve been really down; frustrated with my performance at work (although my boss reassures me it’s not as bad as I think), burned out on winter (and we’re only halfway through it), stressed about everything that’s going on in my life (daughters engaged, one has moved out already), worried about my mom (health concerns), trying to balance a full-time job AND run a business AND volunteer. It’s taking its toll on my body: these heart palpitations have returned, my back and neck hurt all the time, I lose focus a LOT, and I’ve been getting more frequent headaches. I try to push it out of mind but I don’t think it’s working. There’s a new guy at work who actually asks me (regularly) if I’m OK, exact words. He will look me in the eye and ask and there’s something in his eyes that tells me he really wants the answer. “I’m OK.” That’s all I’ve got today, just OK. And you know what? That’s OK because it’s not always gonna be like this.
Maybe I’ll start changing my answers... How’s it going? Chasing the dream. How are you today? I’m just OK. Or maybe we should either change the questions or actually mean them. I mean, what if we cared about each other? What would that be like?