My Brothers Best Friend...
Literally never thought I would be in the situation that I am in. Suck in the middle between is moral and what I want. Well what I want, as in, what I hope happens. I don’t want it to be just sex, or a fling, or we just talk when he’s in town. I want to work towards something. He’s literally turned my world upside down, and now all I’m stuck on thinking about, is him.. My brothers best friend. I don’t want it to always me to be a dirty little secret. I just want someone to like me for me, not for what I can give. Every guy I’ve been with has been awful and used me. And I don’t want him to be the same way. He is sweet, motivated, and nothing will get in the way of stopping his goals. But I also know, he is willing to put in the time and effort into a real relationship. I’m not sure if I can live up to what that other girl offered. Like she’s the one he was ready to settle down with, and now... don’t settle. What the hell do I even do. All day i’ve been thinking of what it could be, and i try to remind myself that all he wants is sex. But i really don’t know what he wants, until he says it, my head will just race. I mean, would he reply all day to me if it wasn’t an option. Would he keep telling me that sex will happen, but is that it. WHAT DOES HE WANT!? What is he thinking? He probably isn’t even worried about me, or what we could become. And i’m sitting here waiting, wanting, loosing. This is why i don’t date, this is why i keep settling for her.. but maybe I should forget the rest and listen to one thing he kept saying, don't settle. But not settling wouldn’t leave me with anyone but it. Just stay single till Christmas, just so I can wait for him. And maybe, just maybe, if I wait he will see, that I’m all in. That breezy night on Mackinac Island changed me, for the worse or better?
