Curled up in a cage of a no-kill shelter
My enclosure is small and steel
There are four walls, two bowls, one floor
A number of shelter handlers walk by each day
I know them all by their scents
Most don't like me, I can smell the tang of their secret disdain
When they read what's written on my Temperment Card
But some seem to have enough love for every dog
Their gentle caresses around my ears lull me almost to sleep
Until a latch clashes metal like a gunshot
When the careless handlers aren't gentle with the door
They don't mean harm, they just don't know dogs like me
But it hurts my ears and sets my nerves on fire
I startle and scream, show my teeth, and pee a little every time
For these transgressions, I am without fuzzy blankets most nights
They think I am not indoor-trained like a good girl
Like the dogs who go home and don't come back here
I've been away and back many times
Each new person giving me hope of home
Then bringing me back once they inevitably change their mind
Once they see what kind of dog I am
Home and back. Home and back. Home and back.
Back so many times I learned to expect the return
The handlers used to try to teach me so many things:
Sit, lie down, roll over, fetch, speak...
Sometimes I can do them, sometimes I forget the maneuvers
They abandoned that training after I learned to bite
I was in another home like so many of the others I'd been to
I was pinched, slapped, yelled at, left alone for days,
Never allowed to nap or be cozy or all the things the good dogs get to do
And the person, a man, every time I got comfortable,
He would pull the rug from under me
My limbs splayed everywhere and I couldn't find the ground
He would laugh-- I was terrified
Why, person? Why can't we just rest here together?
All the good dogs always talk about the sweet sleeps together in the big beds
But all my persons never seemed to allow that
Obviously, I was not meant for love or together fur-ever.
One day, my man's hand on the rug ready to pull,
I found fangs in my mouth and used them
Clamped down on his hand so hard the bones crunched
I loved the power the fangs gave me
Loved his blood in my mouth
After that I wanted to bite every single hand that came at me
How was I to know which hand would hit and which scritch?
Dogs don't know how to gamble
I couldn't take it anymore
So many hurtful persons bringing me into their hell homes
There is still a domestic dog deep down
The gentle shelter handlers know
They have special training and can see the signs
They know it's not my fault but it is my fault
They know how to approach me
I wish they'd take me home but they don't
For they already have their dogs that I smell on their shoes
I stopped lingering once I learned it all
And focused on mastering the home-and-backs
I resurrected ancient, wild, wolf instincts to survive
It wasn't long before this training clicked into place, too well
So well that now I know deep in my doggy heart
That I am a bad dog who cannot be good
I show those teeth I found and they rend the flesh
Many think I'm a dumb dog when I bristle
But I am a scholarly dog, always learning and practicing and mastering
My best trick I learned from persons is giving up on dreams, the hope of home,
Giving up on everything, even my food bowls, against the wolf instincts-- it's all very fascinating, to give up, to die
But this is a no-kill place
No death, no matter how many times my person failed me or I failed my person
All people banish evil from their homes
But this is a no-kill place
No matter how bad you may be
It's some kind of sacred rule among the shelter handlers
We wild animals know no such religion
We live and we die as we need
I've toyed with the idea of death in the absence of play
Thought about how, if I was allowed to be a wild wolf,
I could run and run and run and no person would leash me
I could run all the way to the cliffs
Pound my four clawed paws into the earth
Kick up the ground and its grass behind me
Feel my fur rippling around the wind of my own propulsion
And soar off the cliff's edge above to the water below
Crash through the waves and dive deep, deep down
Swim with the mysterious fish on the very bottom
Breathe the water like they do
Until I remember dogs, even wild wolf-dogs, need air
But the air is too far away and I don't want it anyway
I am viciously wild and truly free.
In reality, I am wild but not free
So I curl in my cage in the no-kill place
Four walls, two bowls, one floor
I live in the fear that was taught to me and show my teeth
Show them all that I am bad and have no hope, no home
And savor the gentle scritches from the kind strangers that I do not deserve
