The Thoughts I’ve had since March the 7th
Am I making the right decision?
I can change my mind and tell him later, right?
How would it work?
How would it look like?
Would I like being with him?
How would our dates go?
Why didn’t I tell him I’d like to go on A DATE and not date, as in srsly date him, sooner?
Maybe I should try it out and see how it feels like.
If I do it, I’ve got nothing to lose. Or do I?
Am I really ready to drop all the other boys I’m talking to?
Did I say no a million times before to say yes to him?
Will I like all the attention, talk and jokes if everyone knows about us?
Will anyone even care?
No, I know the answer to that one. They make jokes about him and I, anyways.
Why can't I trust my decision when I said no?
Why is he still trying two weeks after?
Will I have to text him everyday now?
What is he thinking at the moment about what happened?
Will we have to eat lunch together every day now?
How will we ever spend time together if he’s a boarder and I’m not?
Why would he say I love you?
Did he mean it, or did he say that just to be able to fuck me?
What is he telling his friends?
What am I going to tell people who are asking if ‘we’re a thing’?
Why did he tell people I asked him out when I DIDN’T?
He said, “I knew you were going to ask me out.” That’s not true.
Am I ready to be fully committed to one person?
I don't think I want to date someone exclusively?
What if I accidentally flirt with another boy again?
How would the summer be like?
He's going back to France, I presume, and I will be busy traveling.
How will I convince my parents to let me spend a day in Singapore, to meet him, without them?
What if I meet someone in the summer but I was still with him?
What if he meets someone in the summer?
I don’t really care if he does, but I wouldn’t want ‘our relationship’ to hold him back.
Wouldn’t I just be one of the many, many girls he has dated?
What if he’s with someone new next year in our school,
and I regret not giving him a chance?
What about my summer plans with ——?
Is that even happening anymore after my last conversation with ——?
What about ~, who’s also his friend and I’ve been talking to?
But I don’t even like ~, I think? So why do I care? Am I scared the attention I’m getting from ~ will be lost forever?
Didn’t someone say when boys start to date someone, suddenly he’s interested in all the other girls? Do I seriously believe that?
Do I want to say yes?
Do I want to say yes for the right reasons?
Do I want to say yes because I’m bored, I really want to kiss someone right now or because everyone sort of expects us to be together?
What if I realise I’m not interested after like, a day?
Will I have the courage to break up with him?
Why can’t I trust myself to handle situations in the future?
Do I even have time for this, especially when exams are in a month?
I sort of want to say, he’s my boyfriend, though.
Shouldn’t I take more risks? I never take risks. Especially with this sort of thing.
WHY DIDN’T I JUST TELL HIM WHAT I WANTED TO SAY TO HIM THAT DAY IN THE LIBRARY FIRST, BEFORE HE ASKED ME TO DATE HIM?
Am I questioning myself a lot and feeling guilty because I actually like him?
Did I like him for a while now and just not realise it?