When life hurts...
Recently, I got myself in a problem which I lost my youngest member of Leone Famiglia. Of course, I was thinking why I need to go through the same thing all over again and it's keep going round and round. Nevertheless, I was terribly hurt and many assumptions came to me for what had happened. Some says, J behind all these since he is closer to him. I do have the thought of suicide and dying from all these suffering.
Thank God that 2 of my Christian colleagues held me, prayed for me and shared my burdens. Ultimately, one of them told me through vision she had and said, "God saw what had happened. God understand your hardships and all these weren't your fault. You already done well until you need to pick up heavy burdens which you need to let go and let me take it for you."
Few days later, I went to Canaan Land and found a Christian book titled, "When Life Hurts" by Philip Yancey. The book talks about the pain that we went through in our lives and questions questioned by Christians. After I read the book, I was relieved and closed my eyes for prayer. At the same moment, I can fell God's gentle hand brushing my head as like I am a little boy and telling me, "Now you finally understand what I mean all these."
Since then, I fall sick because my "war" to protect, love and care my siblings were over. My burdens has been lifted. The desire of seeking Him getting more compassionate than ever. Thank You, Father Abba for opening my eyes wider to see things more clearer. Let me continue to search my heart and soul.