📰 BUZZROME EXCLUSIVE: "STABBED 23 or 33 TIMES? Caesar’s Death Confirmed.'"
📅 Posted: March 15th
🚨 BREAKING: This is not a drill, people. JULIUS CAESAR IS DEAD.!!
Our eternal dictator-to-be walked into the Senate this morning and got absolutely SHANKED by his so-called "besties." Thirty-three stab wounds. Thirty. Three. Or maybe it was 23 really. 🤔 That’s not an assassination, that’s a group project in betrayal.
Eyewitnesses say it looked like a twisted theater production—cloaks flying, knives gleaming, blood everywhere.👀 One bystander described it as "a Real Housewives reunion if everyone had swords."💅🤳
And just when you thought the drama couldn’t get worse: BRUTUS was the final stab. BRUTUS. Mr. Moral Dilemma. Mr. “I love Rome more.” Caesar literally looked him in the eye and said, “Et tu, Brute?” before collapsing. Like… THE THEATRICS.🫣🫣 💔 Alleged Last Words: “Et tu, Brute?” 😭 Emotional Damage: Confirmed.☹️☹️
Yours Truly, The Forum Feed Staff
Comments: @ Soothsayer69 Told y’all. Should’ve stayed home. 🧞♂️💋