#where2now

[claritygirl]

"Embrace uncertainty. Some of the most beautiful chapters in our lives won't have a title until much later." ~Bob Goff #libraseason #newbirthcycle #where2now

[earlwan]

"Where 2 now" exactly my question 2 #where2now

[itsaprozaclife]

Standing Still

Everyone is moving on, passing me by and I’m just standing still. No where to go, no one to run to. The plans they make, the futures they have are theirs and leaves me behind. I can’t ask them to include me. They have each other to run with, to fly with, they don’t need my weight holding them down. My ideas become wishes as yours become reality. The bridge between us is weakening as the distance grows. I see a wondrous life ahead for you, but I am just standing still.

[itsaprozaclife]

Waiting

Hello- the latest is very conflicting info. I was told on Friday Tuesday was the day. On Monday at 1pm. Insurance gave authorization. Then at 3pm LLU not able to accommodate my surgery. At 5pm was told to see my cardio surgeon on Jan 7th for pre-surgical appt. Then today was told I would be checking into Cedars in LA next Wednesday the 19th. Totally confused and emotionally drained. My mother has spoken with legislators, aides and Ombudsmen. Seems like that route would take months. Got my first denial from SSI stating I didn’t sign medical release. When I called I was told page was just overlooked since it was signed electronically. (after I signed it 3 months ago??!!!!) not sure who or what to believe at this point. Ready for it to be over. At this point I don’t care which way it goes I just want it to be done. I’m exhausted. I am totally worn out. Emotionally, mentally and physically. Tired of the abuse I suffer at the hands of nurses and other medical professionals that just don’t understand my disease. I’m tired. Want to go curl up under my covers and shut you all out. No one sees me anymore. I don’t exist.

[itsaprozaclife]

Move & Change

Last October I moved back to SoCal to be near my family when all my Dr’s kept telling me i would most likely die within the next 2 years. I have been in & out of the hospital about every 3 weeks for the past 6 months. I finally went to Cedar’s, got an angiogram and discovered an heart condition. New meds started. I have been feeling really good the past couple of days and start thinking of all the things I wan to do. Move back to Redding, see my best friends, go to Bethel. Go back to work as a nurse. I realize how much I have pulled away from God and how my relationship has suffered since moving. How lonely and frustrated I have become. Bitter almost. I watch my kids and my parents and realize that this is not working. I need to change what’s happening. But I don’t know how. This is the loneliest place on Earth. If it wasn’t for my mom, I have no idea how mentally stable I would be.