It seems like everyone's whispering secrets into Tumblr tonight, so bandwagon time.
There has not been one day since mid-June where I haven't been terrified as fuck. I lost my scholarship, and if my parents word from last summer is to be believed, I'm not going to be back at UMBC in the fall. However, this is last year's word. I got my GPA up, way up, but not enough to get my scholarship back, because I fucked up first semester super bad. So I'm out of my scholarship, and I don't know what that means, because I'm too afraid to ask my parents, and they haven't said anything.
I have a whole life there. I have friends- no, a fucking family, all who love me very much. I've got a variety of positions on clubs and groups and stuff. I've got a boyfriend who I am madly, madly in love with, and means the world to me. And now it's all in jeopardy, and there's nothing I can do but just wait on some kind of word from my parents, because if the answer's no, I'm not going back to school...
I'll be destroyed. Just fucking crushed. Even thinking about it makes me physically ill. Everything I have and love will be taken away from me, and I just....I'm so scared. All the time. That everything I love is going to be ripped away from me, and it's all my fault, and I'm just so fucking scared.
I don't want it to go away. Please don't let it go away.