Day 22: February 6th, 2018
Last night was a bad night, so this is being written on the next day. It’s not ideally what I wanted to do, but sometimes life throws s*** at you and you have to roll with the punches.
I kind of really don’t like talking about my food consumption. When I was in middle school, I developed an eating disorder, and it’s still kind of there. I mean I don’t actively starve myself everyday, but there are days where I think about it and I’m pretty much trying to track my calories everyday even though I don’t want to be doing so. Logging everything I eat and drink has not only made me conscious of how much I’m spending, but also what I am eating which I don’t really like. But here we go. My day started with a soy caramel macchiato from Starbucks. I drank about 3/4ths of it in class and at work, but I think I should really start buying a smaller size so that it doesn’t go to waste and I’m not wasting money ($5). I didn’t really eat anything until about 3pm, when I made myself a quesadilla at work, which I ate about half of in class and then took my Zoloft. Additionally, I had bought Caffeine free Diet Coke, a Milky Way bar, and various snacks for my friend ($8). I drank some of the Diet Coke in class, and drank a bit more of it when I got to my apartment. So, I currently have half a bottle of Caffeine Free Diet Coke sitting on my apartment floor at home. I ate the Milky Way when I got home too, but that was one thing I finished. A few hours later, I had two small bags of popcorn I bought from CVS last semester, and finished the gatorade I started on Sunday. For my “dinner”, I had two Nutrigrain bars (blueberry and strawberry) and the last two cheddar cheese sticks along with the last of the Snapple Apple juice I started on Sunday. So yeah, you can probably guess what this consumption falls under. Economy, due to the food and beverage I consumed being things I spent money on at some point in the past few weeks.
I didn’t really listen to a lot of music today. I wasn’t able to put on music at work, so the only time I heard music was to class, and to work. Jon Bellion was who I listened to at those times, but I think it was just because I wanted something to listen to. When I managed to take a shower, I for some reason put on Justin Timberlake. His half-time show must have made my mind subconsciously want to listen to some of his older songs. I also listened to “Sugar We’re Going Down” by Fall out Boy and “This is Gospel” by Panic! at the Disco, mostly because those are two of my favorite songs to sing in general.
I did a bit of homework, as well as having classes and work today, so I didn’t get to watch a lot of television. The first thing I did watch was This is Us because there was a new episode, even though there was a new episode on Sunday. It was a pretty meh episode. Moved the storyline along a bit, but was also really sad. The show in general is sad. I also had the intention of watching the last 4 episodes of The Walking Dead, so that I could catch up for the new season, but my brain had other plans.
The above two paragraphs would be considered Culture, due to them containing things that I enjoy doing, as well as them having some sort of pop-culture following.
As I stated, my brain had other plans instead of watching the episodes of The Walking Dead like I had been planning. About midway through the first episode of the show I fell into a deep depression. Depression is really weird. You can feel it coming, but you can’t really stop it. It’s like you’re on a rollercoaster that only goes down. You know you’re going down, but you can’t really stop the ride. Anyway, this depression turned into another panic attack, which consisted of me thinking that everyone hated me, which turned into me thinking I would die alone, which turned into me thinking that no one would come to my funeral. That’s the thing about panic attacks. You’re thoughts just keep spiraling down with one thought after another, even though you know you’re being irrational. You can’t really stop it either. You just have to let it run it’s hour and a half course. After the attack, I put on Youtube and blankly stared at it until I fell asleep. Depression is not a fun experience. Neither are panic attacks. They ruin your entire day.
We will do a word of the day today instead of the Snapple Fact of the day. The word is “whilom”. It kind of sounds like my name, which is pretty fun. The word can be used as an adjective or an adverb, but generally refers to something having to do with the past or a former version of something. For example, “Whilom Willow’s life was a lot easier than it is now”. I don’t know if that’s used properly, but I’ll give myself an A for effort.
